(Closed) I hate the its my day mentality. (Vent)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I actually had this mentality (not being a biz-notch about it to my friends though), that its MY big day but after reading this you’re definitely right. I agree with you 100% & it was well put. It gave me chills! It’s not just *YOUR* big day, it’s a lot of peoples! It’s just an exciting day and one that you’ll remember forever as well as a commitment to you & your Fiance as well as other family members.

Post # 4
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Amen sister.

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Except I think you’ve hit on why it is your day in your second paragraph.  This is not the wedding of anyone but you and he and it will not be their priority so yes it is your day.  Your and your fiance’s. 

I agree absolutely that it’s sad if it’s the best day of your life and everything is downhill from there – certainly not in my plans!

However I do think this should be the couple’s party or at least ceremony, this is not your mother’s chance to throw the wedding she wants, this is not your FIL’s chance to impress people either with his money or his religion etc. 

You don’t get a year and you don’t get a month and you shouldn’t feel entiteled to excitement and support from everyone you meet but IMO you do get a day.

Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with you to the extent that the “It’s my day” mentality shouldn’t mean that it’s fine to treat others poorly. But when it comes to the little obnoxious things that people do – like making unsolicited suggestions about things saying you HAVE TO do this or you SHOULD BE doing this or whatever – things that are totally either (a) outside the realm of possibility for your budget or (b) just not in keeping with the feel you are going for with your wedding, then I feel it’s none of their beeswax and IS up to me and my Fiance. For example, please, random relative I don’t talk to, don’t tell me not to wear blue shoes. I want to wear blue shoes. IT’S MY WEDDING.

Post # 7
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Absolutely.

I look at what people are sacrificing for me — my family are giving up their holiday time and flying to the other side of the world, our wedding party is being fabulously supportive and helpful, and a bunch of people we love are going to help us celebrate our marriage.

What will make my day absolutely perfect is if everyone has a fabulous time and remembers it as a great wedding and a great party, that our wedding party doesn’t feel taken advantage of, and that no one is left feeling put out or disgruntled.

Seriously. That’s what will make my day. 

However, I know I’m lucky because everyone around us is supporting us, and we’re not getting a lot of pressure to do things that we really don’t want to do. So we’re compromising on the easy stuff, but we haven’t had to face any huge challenges from family or friends — so I know we’re lucky!

Post # 8
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

I’m with arachna & kittyachi. I totally get what you’re saying, but in many ways it IS your day. That’s not to say go nuts, be demanding, and treat people like crap, but it IS your one and (hopefully) only wedding day, and it should be treated as such. I definitely don’t think that fact should be dumbed down.

Post # 9
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree and disagree. If you use the “It’s my day” thing to make others unhappy, well of course that’s wrong. I do firmly believe that weddings are about families merging and respecting that, and also about thanking  your geusts for coming by showing them a fun time.

BUT, let’s face it, a wedding truly is about the bride and groom. Without them, there wouldn’t even be a wedding. The wedding happens because two people decide to get married. So, when it comes down to overall style of the wedding, the date, location, dress, flowers and decor, the couple should get complete control over that stuff. Whem it comes to wedding party attire, food, drinks and entertainment, the couple should consider the guests’ comfort and feelings.

So, in conclusion, statements I’m okay with:

“It’s my day, I want roses.”
“It’s my day, I want to get married in Jamaica. Whoever can come, will come.”

Statements I’m not okay with:

“It’s my day. If I want a three hour break between the ceremony and reception, people can tough it out.”
“It’s my day, if I want an entirely sushi reception, people will just have to deal.”
“It’s my day. If she looks fat in her dress, that’s her problem.”

Post # 10
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestly, if my Fiance didn’t remind me periodically that it’s “Our/My day” I’d probably be pretty miserable.

Post # 11
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

@Laural: While all that you have said is a very healthy way to look at your wedding day, I offer one word of caution.

Throughout my 2 year wedding planning process I was on the wedding boards and was SOOOO paranoid of being a “bridezilla” or of adopting the “It’s MY day mentality” that I went completey in the other direction.

And honestly, I wish that on my wedding day, I would have had a little more of the “It’s MY day” attitude. My wedding day was fabulous and there isn’t much I would change.  But, in an effort to be the “laid back/nice bride” and cater to everyone else’s needs and NOT be a “bridezilla”, I lost a little of what I truly wanted and could have easily asked for/insisted upon. 

Just remember, you never get this day back. You will never be able to change your pictures.  It is just a few short hours that you can enjoy this momentous event.  So take a little time to put yourself first.  It’s okay. Really.  In moderation all things are balanced. 🙂

Post # 12
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with you!  I think that it’s your relationship but the wedding is more for everyone else than you.  It is so your family can celebrate with you and have fun, noy just so you can have a big party.

And I have always thought you last statement.  If the best day of my life occurs in the beginning of my second decade, what else is there to be excited for and looking forward to?

Post # 13
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

to each her own. if i had my choice, there would be no friends and family standing up there with us and it would be “our day.” for me it’s not about them, it’s about us, and quite frankly i stress out way too easily and i don’t want to deal with anybody else. this dosen’t mean i’m going to be bridezilla or be mean to people. they still are my family, and i still love them. that just means that i’m not going to plan my wedding based on what they want. and i don’t feel that i should have to. we’re the one’s getting married, not them.

Post # 14
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I posted a rather philosophical rambling thread on this topic a little while ago – do we bees go overboard in trying to make sure we don’t turn into bridezillas? How much do we need to say “It’s my Day” just to, as teaadntoast said, keep from being miserable, or from having our mother or father hijack the whole process to throw themselves the party of the decade? It’s a touchy issue!

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i cringed more at the “It is the day that my daddy will give away his little girl” bit than the its my day attitude.  youre an adult woman not a little girl and you dont need to be given away either

 

Post # 16
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Honestly, it WAS my day. I sacrificed, saved money, paid out the butt,  put blood, sweat and tears (literally) into that day. I spent many sleepless nights, had many crying spells over my lack of family, and worked my ass off to have the day of MY dreams. Not my parents dreams, they weren’t even there. Not my friends dreams, they’ll get their own. No. Of mine and my future husbands, and it was the best day of my life, bar none. It was MY day to marry the man of my dreams, the way I wanted.

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