(Closed) I hate the looks of judgement from other mothers…rant…

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

As a disclaimer, I don’t have any children, but I think you did precisely the right thing. You did not reinforce negative behavior. I’m not quite sure why you were glared at by others.

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

First, as a fellow human being. Thank you. Thank you for removing your child from the store and taking control of the situation. Honestly, there is nothing I hate more than a screaming child in a cart and the parent totally ignoring them. I realize this is the way some people parent (not giving attention), but to the people around, oh my gosh. There is nothing I am more thankful for than a fellow parent who says “Your behaviour is not appropriate, we’re leaving” and hauling out of the store.

Second, I do the same thing you do. If I’m out with my stepson and he acts up, one warning, and then home time. If you can’t behave like a big boy, time to go, simple as that. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve walked home from the park with him crying because he threw sand or whatever, we said no, he did it again, and so we left. I mean really, should I stay and let him throw sand into some other kids eyes? Or in your case, what if he broke an ornament and cut himself?

Every parent has a different perspective, and as I’ve learned, a lot of parents think their way of parenting is the only and right way ๐Ÿ˜‰ You did the right thing for you, don’t worry about the stupid cashier lady. Chances are after you left she thought “Oh thank god”, so who knows why she was so annoyed to start with when you were on the way out!!! Tantrums happen, you did a great job taking control of the situation!

Post # 5
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yea i’m not a mom but it me it sounds like you did exactly the right thing! Were they looking at you like you shouldn’t have yelled at him or something? Maybe my views will change when I have kids (prob not) but I feel like most parents now seem to let their kids get away with wayyyy too much. If I was out with my mom when I was little and I acted up, she left with me. Plain and simple. 

Post # 6
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Every mom is judged for how they handle their children. We are the same way. If our daughter starts fussing in a store or restaurant, one of us takes her outside where she can calm down and get a grip on her life while the other one pays the bill or whatnot. I understand as a parent that sometimes your kids just have meltdowns and there’s not much you can do to console them, but that’s when you just LEAVE wherever you are and handle it rather than letting the kid scream all the way through Target or dinner. You did exactly what I’d have done, and I can’t imagine why that cashier would be so rude. Would she rather you have continued shopping if your son were acting up? Or maybe if you’d beaten him in the store she’d have thought that was better. Moms can never get a break! Someone’s always going to think you’re doing it wrong, but for what it’s worth, this mom thinks you did the right thing.

Post # 7
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Im sorry ๐Ÿ™ It doesnt even sound like you were doing anything worthy of a look like that!

Post # 9
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh i totally think you did the right thing removing your child. The cashier probably was just irritated by the child screaming. I know it makes me cringe a little.

I save my dirty glares for people who let their kid scream and scream without so much as a “shush” or removing their child, though. It’s like some people are immune! Oh wait, i sat next to some people on the plane that did this…BLAH! you did the right thing =]

Post # 10
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MissFlipFlops: It’s an age thing too. Is he closing in on three or newly two? I found SS was WAAAAAAY more prone to tantrums around three, leading up to four. We didn’t really get the “Terrible twos” per say, it waited a year ๐Ÿ˜‰ The discovery of free will is so hard to deal with. It’s like something in their little brains just clicks and they realize “ooooooh you can say no, but I don’t have to listen….. neat!”. Oh man. There were some weekends that the second Darling Husband left with SS to take him home I would sit down and cry the second the door closed behind them. The only thing you can do is be firm, be consistent, and drink wine at the end of the day ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 11
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

UGH I HATE THAT!!! (all caps, that’s how much I hate it). I don’t usually have to remove my daughter from the store since she has figured out we will just leave. Anyways I literally had a WHOLE cart full of stuff at Target once and P was just melting down like no tomorrow. So I picked her up and pushed my cart to the nearest sales person and asked them to please hold it so I could take my daughter home to Dad and come back. None of the stuff was perishable or anything and the lady had a freakin cow and wanted me to put the stuff back. It’s like ok do you want me to keep standing here with a screaming child?!

Post # 13
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@MissFlipFlops: I have to admit that I wish more people parented like you. From what little I know of how other young mothers are parenting these days, being firm and not giving many chances is not the popular view right now. I know that’s judging other parenting styles, and I am sorry, but I really agree with your technique. Then again, I also came from a very no-nonsense type of upbringing.

Post # 14
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@coconutmellie: Totally agreed. Even my sister and I are worlds apart on this. She thinks Darling Husband and I are way too strict because we do the same things Miss Flipflops does. My sister is the “don’t do that. don’t do that. don’t do that.” and then give up type. It makes me crazy!!!! She is good about leaving stores though, but she’s super lenient with my youngest nephew and he is totally out of control. It makes me bonkers. AND I get really offended when she tries to give me parenting advice. Ooooh the stories I could tell….

@MissFlipFlops: One thing I know my Mother-In-Law did with Darling Husband when he was little and she was pregnant with Brother-In-Law was to never refer to Brother-In-Law as “the baby” or “my baby” she always called him “Your brother”, so that Darling Husband had a stake in the game for lack of a better term ๐Ÿ˜‰ It gave him a feeling of responsibility and “ownership” in the whole thing. They’re 3 years apart like yours. For the problems with his bedroom, could you do something special in his room? Like take him shopping for something really fun that he picks out to put up for some decorations or new bedding? Maybe if you give him a bit of control he’ll come to terms with the changes a bit better.

Post # 15
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@coconutmellie:

I see way too many parents turning a blind eye to their children acting up because they either are too lazy to deal with it, or think it’s cute and that other people think it’s cute as well. Being a parent is HARD if you’re putting any effort into it. It means making your child aware from an early age that you expect good behavior from them and bad behavior is NOT tolerated. My daughter gets one chance to straighten up and then she’s taken out of the store. If we’re at home and she’s acting up, she gets one chance and then she’s put in her crib for baby time out with no toys, juice, or bottle. Then she can sit there and be bored for five minutes and collect herself. It usually works. LOL.

Post # 16
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@bakerella: I dont have kids but I think this is great advice letting the older brother feel like he is part of this.

 

The topic ‘I hate the looks of judgement from other mothers…rant…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors