(Closed) I hate the looks of judgement from other mothers…rant…

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 18
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

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@MissFlipFlops: As a teacher, I just want to say THANK YOU. 🙂 Let them stare at you! You did the right thing. 

Post # 19
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with what you did too, I’m not a big one for ignoring stuff like that.  Our good friends parent by ignorning bad behavior and I  get stuff thrown at me when I’m there.  The kid also throws stuff at his parents and the most I’ve ever heard them say is ‘ohhh, that’s not nice’, to which he just picks something else up and throws it.  I’m not sure he’s really learning anything except that he can get away with stuff.

Post # 20
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I don’t have kids, but I expect that I will be a strict mother.  I have very little tolerance for misbehaved children, and i do tend to judge the parents.  HOWEVER, my sister recently gave me some perspective.  After I made a comment about a kid acting out in a store, my sister said she tries not to judge because you never know the situation.  She used to work in an autism clinic.  She said one mother’s autistic child was so impossible to handle that she handed out business cards that apologized for the kid’s behavior and listed an autism information website.  I mean, a person has to buy groceries after all.  You can’t always leave the store.  It made me feel bad, and now I try not to judge (although I still say there are a lot of badly parented spoiled brats out there).  

Post # 21
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You did exactly the right thing. You set limits on his behavior and enforced those limits.

I can remember having to leave a whole buggy full of groceries after telling a clerk that I would be back after giving my son a chance to settle down in the car.

When we got to the car I just let him rant until he pooped out. I then explained to him that we couldn’t stay in a store if he was going to act out. It was not fair for the other people to have to listen to that. I then said we could go back in the store to get our food for the next week if he was able to be calm. He agreed and we finished our shopping.

I have been known to ask someone if there was a reason for the face they are making or ask them why they would make such a comment if they said something derisive.

Post # 22
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

As a cashier I will tell you this, it might not have been you our your kid that made her give you that look. I have had customers come threw my line that just made me want to punch them and anyone near me until all my anger was resolver. However, I just push it back and deal with each customer accordingly because it’s not their fault someone else made me mad. I wait until I get it my car and then I rant about it to myself on the drive home so I don’t take it out on my Fiance so maybe your kid was just a topper to her day and she couldn’t keep it in but she still shouldn’t have given you that look. It’s not professional.

As a mother I applaud your actions. I see lots of kids act up while I’m at work and usually the parent either yells back or they hand the child something to get them to shut up, which is basically rewarding the behavior. It irritates me like nothing else. I can’t say anything about my son because he is only 5 months old but while I was pregnant I babysat a 2 year old and if she threw a toy she didn’t get it back when she cried for it, if we were watching a movie or cartoons and she started throwing a fit I turned off the tv and put her in time-out until she stopped and said she was sorry, if she threw a fit at the store I took her to the car and told her she needed to be a good girl if she wanted to go shopping anymore, if she grabbed something out of my hands without asking or me going to hand it to her I gently sacked the back of her hand and said “good girls don’t take things from people. You need to ask first.” After about a week I could take her anywhere in town and she would be the best little girl ever for me. Her mom was shocked when she ran into me at Wal*Mart and saw the girl being good! People just need to learn how to decipline kids while still treating them like adults. Good job on your tactics!

Post # 23
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissFlipFlops: At least you didn’t just let him flip out while you continued walking through the store like nothing is happening. You removed him from the situation and you told him why. What’s the problem?

Post # 24
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

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@ohheavenlyday: Yay! I honestly am glad that you take this approach. Two women that I work with currently have small children, and they are taking the “explain why what you did was wrong” approach.

Child A hits Child B. Child A is taken aside, and it is explained in a calm voice why that is not a good idea and why Child B feels sad when that happens. This is repeated over and over and they say it takes a least 20 tries and MONTHS to achieve results. The women SWEAR to me that this is a good approach, because they develop empathy for others feelings but I feel like that is too psychological for a child of 2 or 3. What do you think?

My parents? One warning, and that was all. And maybe a well-placed PINCH.

Post # 25
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

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@troubled: I have the hardest time understanding this approach! Yes, this is what my two coworkers do!

One of them has a one year old, and it’s not even ignoring bad behavior – it’s distracting him with something else, instead of saying no. Does that work?!

Post # 26
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

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@fleur99: My middle brother has autism. And not the camera-friendly kind you see on CNN where they speak in full sentences and partcipate in family activies. The SERIOUS kind where it’s grunts, squeaks, hand-flapping and ruckus. 🙂 I have to admit that I saw a segment once on television where a boy told the reporter, “Having autism makes me sad because people look at me funny” and I nearly fell off my chair laughing. If you know a bit about autism, you’ll know why I thought it was so tragic and absurd.

Growing up, my mother was all. about. discipline. because that is the ONLY way to rein in autism that severe. Sometimes, it takes a lot. Think the “spoon” scene in “The Miracle Worker.”

And yes, my mom used to get the WORST stares and glares and lectures from strangers in the stores when my brother wasn’t normal. She thinks it’s… “interesting” that now everyone knows what Autism is and what it’s about. Although, as I mentioned, they are familiar with mild autism.

But yes, there are times when there may be something else going on, but I have seen some children in this day and age that are more ill behaved than even the most severe autistic kiddo I ever knew growing up.

Post # 27
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

I just wanted to give you a virtual high five! I like your parenting style, especially only saying no once. I do that in my classroom & plan to do it with my future kids.

Post # 28
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think your response to your son was AWESOME.  Exactly right, and not mean at all!

Post # 29
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MissFlipFlops: Like others, I just want to say THANK YOU! I wish more parents were in control like you. I cannot tell you how many time I’ve been out in public and I want to discipline the screaming kids myself!

Post # 30
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

You are 110% right in what you did. Thank you for raising a disciplined child.

Wink

Post # 31
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissFlipFlops: I don’t have children but we do learn about parenting styles and things like that in my graduate school program, and I think you did the right thing!! Setting firm limits and enforcing them is really important for a child, as they teach us in class, and it sounds like that is just what you are doing Smile

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@coconutmellie: in school we are also taught that the ideal way of disciplining children is to explain to them what they did wrong at a level they can understand. I understood it as more of what MissFlipFlops is doing though, by setting firm limits and enforcing them and explaining why they exist. So more like, you have a time out now because you hit the other child, and it’s not ok to hit people because it hurts them. I would think that teaches empathy while correcting the behavior and making sure it doesn’t happen again, but I don’t have kids so this is theoretical!

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