(Closed) I hate the looks of judgement from other mothers…rant…

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 32
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@Flipflops – wish I could lean across cyber-space and give you a hug! thanks for being such an awesome parent – you totally did the right thing! 

Post # 34
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If it makes you feel better, I’m pretty sure every credentialled expert would agree that you handled the situation correctly.

 

Post # 35
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

On behalf of those of us who don’t have kids: THANK YOU.  There is nothing worse than trying to shop/have a peaceful meal and being forced to listen to a kid screaming the whole time.  Too many parents nowadays look at discipline as a bad thing, which is why there’s so many bratty, entitled little kids running around.  Kids don’t know any better. It’s the parent’s job to teach them what is and is not appropriate behavior.  Anything less than what you did is lazy parenting, pure and simple.

Post # 36
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I feel like I’ve already learned some good tips and ideas about parenting toddlers just by reading this thread 🙂

On the other hand, it makes me realize how much I don’t know about parenting choices! I’m curious as to how people on this board have made decisions (consciously or not) about parenting styles- do you generally follow the way you were raised? Did you read parenting books and decide with your partner on how to handle different situations?

I guess I’m curious about how much of your parenting style is conscious and decided upon beforehand, and how much just kind of happens according to your best judgement, if that makes any sense.

Post # 37
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

(editing b/c double post)

Post # 38
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t undestand what you did wrong that made her mad?  Seriously?  Was it because you told your kid ‘no’?  You rock, btw.

I don’t have kids yet but I would want to parent like you.

Post # 39
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@coconutmellie:

Your comment reminds me of something that happened to me at a farmer’s market a few months ago.  I was standing at a very crowded produce stand when a kid of about 8 or 9 stepped in front of me and with both hands, pushed me back, then proceeded to the front of the stand.  I said loudly to someone standing nearby “someone needs to learn how to discipline their kid.”  Out of nowhere a pissy looking man stepped up and without even looking directly at me, said in the most assholish voice possible “it’s called AUTISM.”  

Well.  Excuse the hell out of me, jerkface.  My cousin happens to be autistic so I grew up around it.  That is how I happen to know that having a child with autism is not a free pass to be a lazy parent and let your kid do whatever the hell he wants, consequences be damned.  In fact, that’s the exact opposite of what you’re supposed to do with an autistic child.  But nice try, asshat. I was so shocked at the comment and the tone with which it was given (shockingly, the kid wasn’t wearing a “hi, my name is Johnny and I’m autistic!” t-shirt) I unfortunately couldn’t lay into the guy the way I daydreamt about for hours afterwards. 

Just goes to show, while there might eventually be a cure for autism, unfortunately there’s no cure for crappy, lazy parenting.  

Post # 40
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@lezlers:  I’m not trying to be mean, but not all autistic children are the same.  Please don’t lash out at me for saying that….

Post # 41
Member
10361 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MissFlipFlops: She might not have seen/heard you initial reaction, or understood the importance of the ornament to you. She probably hates her job (who wouldn’t hate that job?) and was thinking “Another mom with a screaming baby today, I hate this” and didn’t realize you were actually trying to leave. Her point of view was taken out of context, and is just one of those things you have to deal with as a mom with a young child!

Post # 42
Member
10361 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@lezlers: Autism is a spectral disorder, and you have no way of knowing the severity or how much treatment a child has been able to get. That father was 100% in the right for talking to you in that manner. WHat if he had just been diagnosed, and was just beginning treatment, and the parents were just trying to wrap their heads around all of it? It’s a horribly stressful/challenging thing to be faced with. You have ONE data point ot go off of – that does not make you an expert.

Post # 43
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

View original reply
@beekiss2: You are right that not all autistic children are the same. My nephew is autistic and usually you can talk to him and get him to behave but sometimes he is off in his own world and doesn’t hear you so you have to give him a swat on the butt to get him back to reality to listen and obey. Some of them you can only handle physically though. My dad used to work with autistic kids that were violent and he would have to hold their arms and/or legs when they would try to hit or kick while he explained to them that it was wrong and finally get them to stop for awhile. I think
View original reply
@lezlers: was just trying to say that just because a kid is autistic doesn’t mean the parents should let them do whatever they want. They still need to learn as best they can.

Post # 44
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@MissFlipFlops: Thank you!!!! I wish every parent was like you. Kids need to get out into public situations so they can learn how to adapt and behave, but I feel like sooo many parents nowadays don’t understand how important it is to enforce rules like you did. I’m not a Mom and there’s nothing worse for me than a child screaming in a public place (especially a restaurant) and the parents acting like nothings happening. It’s kind of the same thing as a non-parent having a loud cellphone conversation in public, really rude and inconsiderate to people around them.

Post # 45
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

View original reply
@lezlers:  So, bascially, a kid that didn’t know any better behaved badly, you decided to make a snarky comment to anyone listening about how he was clearly badly parented – and you’re surprised that he wasn’t apologetic and/or receptive to your point of view..?

No, autism isn’t a license for bad behavior, and shoving isn’t okay, but it’s a little disconcerting that you went out of your way to make a point in a way designed to embarass the kid or his parents and are shocked when the dad felt defensive.

Post # 46
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

View original reply
@beekiss2: Oh, of course not. Especially since autism (which has been a catch-all diagnosis of developmental disorders for many many years now) is being seen more often, the range of severity can be enormous.

But as above posters mentioned, discipline and structure is absolutely required with children with developmental or behavioral disorders and ESPECIALLY autism. I have known countless children who took behavorial therapy with my brother who were at the same severity level as him but because their parents did not follow through with the therapist’s structure at home, they were not able to reach their intellectual and behavioral potential.

In that respect, my mother may have looked like an ogre to some but she was fiercly protective of him and fiercely protective of his independence – which meant that he was REQUIRED to learn the life skills he would need and there was no compromise. Which is why he is able to dress himself, cook, and keep a daily routine when others his age are now institutionalized because their parents couldn’t bear to discipline them.

Anyhow, just to reinforce that discipline is important for all human beings, regardless of their individual life challenges.

The topic ‘I hate the looks of judgement from other mothers…rant…’ is closed to new replies.

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