(Closed) I hate the looks of judgement from other mothers…rant…

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 48
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@beekiss2:

Oh, I wasn’t lashing out at you at all.  I thought you wrote about autistic children needing a lot of discipline, which I was wholeheartedly agreeing with. Sorry if I misread it. 

Post # 49
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Whoa, I’m actually really taken aback at the reaction to my post.  I was  basically saying the same thing as @coconutmellie, who everyone is agreeing with, albeit a little less eloquently.

@teaandtoast and @crayfish, the child was well outside of earshot when I made my comment.  Also, you cannot tell a child is autistic when you look at him or her.  So if a child is behaving badly, no one should say anything just in case they might be autistic? I don’t think so.  The father was an ass.  He just as easily could’ve said “sorry about that, he’s autistic” after seeing his child shove an adult in public.  He clearly saw what happened and wasn’t going to say anything before I said something (I waited quite a few beats in shock then looked around before saying anything.  No one was rushing forward to apologize for their child shoving me.)   There was no excuse for his reaction.  I didn’t say anything to the child directly and never would. I reiterated that story for my aunt (mother of an autistic child) and she was horrified at how the father reacted. She went as far as to say he gave parents of autistic children a bad name.  Sorry, he doesn’t get a pass for being rude because his child is autistic.  Especially when there’s no way for anyone to know he’s autistic before being assaulted by said child. 

Post # 50
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@MissFlipFlops:

Let me start of my saying I do not have kids.  And I have given mothers/fathers dirty looks for screaming kids, however, it’s usually after the kid has been screaming/yelling/temper tantrum for a few minutes.  I believe that you did the correct thing by removing yourself & child from the situation.

This is a little off topic but I used to work retail and let me tell you, just because one child is screaming the store doesn’t mean that there weren’t 10 kids in there before and won’t be 10 more later on.  One day when the store (it was a clothing stores for women & men…NOT kids) a mother came in and let her 2 children run all over the store while she shopped.  The kids were yelling and go in and out of the racks and really really really pissing me off.  Finally I went to the registers and waited for the children to run by, knowing that their mom was towards the back. I called them over to me and got their names & told them to stay where they were, got on the microphone and said “Would Kid 1 & Kid 2’s mom please come to the front registers?  You children are waiting for you”

It might’ve cost us a sale from this particular customer, but it saved me from going postal on the woman. And the other customers appreciated it.  

Post # 51
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MissFlipFlops:

I understand where you are comming from. I have a much younger child (14 months) so there is no reasoning with him, when he starts screaming. I also would get nothing done, if I left a store immedietly, seeing as how he is a very strong willed child, who always screams, if he does not get what he wants.

It is rough sometimes, when people look at you because your child is sick, or you are sick, or you guys have been up all night because of teething, or tummy aches, or constipation, and either you or one of you looks pretty ragged, or you both are miserable, and other people look at you like ” really?!”. It just is unfair. But you know what. I know I am a good mother, as I am sure you kow you are. You cannot please everyone, and people will always judge. Don’t let it discourage you. Just hold your head up high and let the world know that you are who you are, a great mother, and have no shame in anything you do!

Post # 52
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@lezlers: Ah, I misunderstood.  I had the impression that you made sort of a general announcement, not a comment to yourself.

Post # 53
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@lezlers: The father was probably tired and a bit stressed out. He probably spends everyday working with his son and learning on what methods do/don’t work with him.

Maybe he didn’t react to the situation in a textbook-100%-appropriate way but nobody’s perfect. While being shoved by a child is very annoying, we all need to remember to use some degree of patience in this world.

We can never tell sometimes if someone has a condition/disability/etc. Instead of lashing out, I think it’s best to control our own reactions. We can’t control what other people and kids do but we can control ours.

By the way, I wouldn’t call being shoved by an 8 year old “assault”. That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?

Post # 54
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@PinkPinstripes:

By the way, I wouldn’t call being shoved by an 8 year old “assault”. That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?

hehe, just a wee bit, eh?!

Post # 55
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

posted to wrong thread!  my bad!

Post # 56
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

As a non parent, I too think you did the right thing. We were at a wedding last year and there were 2 toddlers, and they spoke and occasionally shouted throughout the ENTIRE ceremony, so we actually didnt hear the couple make their vows. If it was my child, I would have taken them out, even though I would have wanted to hear the vows; it just ended up that no one heard it!!

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