(Closed) I hate the ring :( And the proposal was…lame?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 77
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

@shrubfish09:  

Your proposal sounds perfectly fine.  People spend too much time here and on Pinterest and get these ridiculous expectations.  Life isn’t a fairy tale. I think your ring is nice too and it sounds like it will hurt his feelings if you return it.  So, I’d only do that if you think it’s too ugly to wear which I can’t see how you could feel that way about that ring.  Honestly, you sound pretty ungrateful for getting a nice proposal and a pretty ring.

Post # 78
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@padme:  We were already planning our wedding-we’re Indian and unlike me, he wasn’t even raised here. So I had said yes about a month earlier when he said “I think we should get married.” 

But yeah, it is a crappy crappy proposal, I’m not going to lie. At our engagement party I was talking to his college buddies’ wives and they all had shitty proposals too, so I’m guessing this is an IIT (it’s like the MIT of India) thing. 

Post # 79
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Re proposal: I think you’re being pretty precious. You said you weren’t looking for a grand gesture or anything, and it sounds like that’s not his style anyway… what do you want? You’re engaged to (supposedly) the love of your life… a proposal is no better or worse if it’s in the kitchen or on a balcony with fireworks. He probably thought you wanted something simple and low key.

Post # 80
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

@monkeyinasuit:  

That’s too bad but I guess if it’s a cultural thing he probably didn’t know any better.  As long as the marriage is good that’s all that matters in the end!

Post # 81
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I feel torn when i read your post. My Fiance waited to propose to me during a photoshoot for our christmas card pictures (which i planned a month in advance myself) because he wanted me to have have “the moment” documented for the future. I could not have been happier because i really didn’t think that would be the day and he was NOT acting nervous at all. He designed my ring from scratch, putting together elements of 8 rings i liked, so he spent a lot of time and put a lot of thought into my ring (which i absolutely LOVE). So, i could not imagine feeling like i either don’t like the ring or didn’t like the proposal. Sorry that was your experience hun.. I do feel like your Fiance was probably very nervous and didn’t think you would figure it out. Guys have a tendency to be more straight forward too, which does not always help the romantic side. Have you thought about adding a beautiful band of your choice to spruce up the ring? That way you can pick something you love to add to the ring, keeping the integrity of it being “the ring”? You can also always do anniversay bands or a new ring for 10th wedding anniversary or something? By the way, i like your ring as is! 

Just wanted to share the collage of the proposal. If anything, i treasure this the most because I can always look back and remember it all 🙂

Post # 82
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Haha I understand completely being disappointed in your engagement. My Fiance proposed to me at home too.. and we don’t live together so it wasn’t even OUR home. It was his crummy apartment.. He was stuck teaching in another town and rented a horrible apartment because he was never there. I just happened to be down visiting that weekend. Now we went on a sweet date beforehand but he waited until we got home.. It was 1am, I was tired, cranky and he proposes in his apartment. I was disappointed but of course didn’t say anything. It got worse when his brother (younger might I add, who has been with his Fiance 2 years less than we have been together) got engaged a few months later in the Dominican Republic. Unfortunately, some of my negative feelings came out. I think its best you just not say anything about being disappointed in the engagement.. its really not a big deal.

The ring however, you have to live with forever. You deserve something that you like. I would defintely exchange it for something you like. Just make sure he understands. 

Post # 83
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I kinda knew my proposal was coming to. I knew he had the ring, I even knew which ring. It was still a surprise when he actually did it, because he was ACTUALLY proposing. Even if his proposal when something like “hey, we’ve been together for this long so will you married me?” Not the most romantic thing ever. I know how you feel. Proposing is a big deal for the guys, and some get so nervous that whatever they may have planned goes right out the window. I heard of a guy proposing in the car pulled over on the highway because he was too excited to wait. Don’t let the proposal ruin the purpose.

Post # 84
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

my fi proposed in bed. We went to the movies, he cooked me a romatic dinner and we went for a romantic stroll.We were in bed going to sleep, when suddenly he jumped out, gave me this romantic speech and pulled a ring out of his underwear and proposed!! I was disapointed that it wasnt the grand affair i dreamt of, but he hadnt planned on proposing, the moment just felt so right to him that he went and got the ring from hisnhiding place and proposed. It was still a proposal he planned and thought of on his own. Your not overracting, just try focusing on the face the man of your dreams has asked you to spend the rest of your lives together 🙂

 

Post # 85
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LeosLady28:  Your response is unbelievable. Why would you post photos of your romantic proposal, and talk about all the effort your guy went to with your ring, on THIS post?! That was shockingly insensitive of you.

By all means, post your amazing proposal/ring, we’d love to hear about it, but this thread was not the appropriate place for you to post it!! Good grief, were you TRYING to make the OP feel worse?

OP, don’t worry about the proposal. Try not to dwell. In a few years, when you have a wonderfully happy marriage, you’ll look back and realise it doesn’t matter at all.

As for the ring, sit down and have ONE more talk with your Fiance about it. Make it clear this is the last time you will discuss the subject. Start off by telling him how much you appreciate the effort he *did* go to (getting the great deal & spending more than you expected). But then tell him you’re confused. It’s not right for him to tell you one thing (that you can switch the ring), if he actually has a problem with doing that (which is how he has been acting). Tell him it is not a style you want, but you will compromise if it is that important to him. Maybe let him know that you might not want to wear the ring after you’re married, because you don’t like it (that way you can choose a band you like). Then drop it.

Good luck, and keep us updated!

Post # 86
Member
706 posts
Busy bee

@LeosLady28:  Did you mean to post this on her post? Seems like you should have started your own happy post rather than make the OP feel even WORSE!

Post # 88
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

@LeosLady28:  

Haha wow that’s insensitive!  Nice proposal collage, could you brag any harder?

Post # 89
Member
11 posts
Newbee

If you are lucky enough to be with the man that makes you truely happy and if he is kind to you every day of your life, that is what is most important.  Saying that…

I bought my own ring on my card while my partner stood outside the shop too shy. I got an I.O.U.!!! He had proposed the idea  of engagement to me on virtually a daily basis for a year. So we sort of just both came up with idea mutually and had no need for a ‘real’ proposal. But I got a beautiful antique ring out of it when we made the inevitable public. I think different things suit different couples. I’m one for going with the flow and things happening naturally and not planning. 

Do what suits you and talk to each other about it. I think talk is the recipe of success. 

 

Post # 90
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know very few people that have these grand, elaborate proposals. I actually like the more intimate, simple ones. They seem more heartfelt to me for some reason. 🙂 So try not to feel bad and disect it. In the end, if you are with the person you love, you’re a lucky girl.

Mine was very simple. Sort of a non-proposal. We were sitting on the couch planning a trip to Mexico and he says “you want to get married while we are there?” We ultimately didn’t do it in Mexico but in Texas instead, but that was the extent of it. And I love it, because it was very honest and straight from the heart – no pomp and circumstance.

Post # 91
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@LeosLady28:  I went back to your post to see why other bees are upset. Ok, it looked like you had a wonderful proposal, that’s great, but I agree with others that posting them on this particular thread is very inappropriate. 

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