(Closed) I HATE the ring

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll:
  • Post # 47
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    thelove:  I also think that a lot of the women are being really harsh. You’ve been called everything from a B to ungrateful. OUCH!!!

    I don’t know you – and I am sure there is WAY more to this story – so won’t put those judgments/labels on you. What I will say is if you guys DO stay together, I agree with PP that you need to have a serious talk. 

    If he knows you hate dresses, V-Day, diamonds, handed you a box and didn’t even ASK you to marry him, walked in the house and watched T.V. ect, it is valid to question if he respects your feelings or preferences. If I were with someone for 15 years and was vocal about my likes/dislikes, the whole situation would bother me too!!! It seems like his dream girl may be different than his actual girl and vice versa.

    I think there is an unspoken rule that if a woman dislikes her ring she is un-thankful. I disagree! You aren’t the first and won’t be the last not to like your ring. I still don’t understand who started this culture of the ‘surprise’ ring. It is such a HUGE investment and a matter of specifics. We are all so different so why not ask what ring you want? Or at least the style/stone/metal color that best suits your personality? On such an expensive purchase why not cancel the guess work? Yet I digress! 

    I believe there is a gracious and loving way to handle not loving the ring. Yet I DO encourage women to speak up! I DID and got the ring(s) I wanted. We also learned a LOT about each other from that experience and we both grew! 

    Men often take social queues and may not know much about jewelry. Who knows why he chose that ring? IMO you should sit down and talk to him AND open the box! 😉

    Explain WHY you feel the way you do, about EVERYTHING, especially since you have all have a child together. Again, this seems WAY deeper than a ring!

    I wish you well my Dear! ♡♡♡

    Post # 48
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee

    I would also feel upset if I felt like my partner hadn’t listened to what was important to me. Or didn’t know me well enough to at least get some of the details right… It is a lot of pressure on the guys to get everything perfect, but it doesn’t sound like he really tried to listen to what you wanted. 

    Im sure a lot of the women on this forum would be disappointed if their partner had blatently ignored them about ring type / proposal preference.

    however, it doesn’t sound like you dealt with it very well. And now it’s a big old mess. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee

    Did anyone read the first post? He asked her as they were getting into the car to just “open the box” as he began to drive. Im guessing that means he wasn’t even making eye contact with her! Then once he got home he started watching tv. Thats pretty brutal. I’d be put off too, not very meaningful or emotional. I bet if he had done that right, the ring would not have been such a big issue. Maybe, I dunno, but that proposal doesn’t seem like the greatest and she has every right to feel upset about it. Are we all suppose to bow down to any proposal we are given, simply because its a proposal. I think we have equal right in this situation to feel how we want to. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    Geezus.  [content moderated for name calling] I would be very upset if my Fiance gave me a ring opposite of a what we’ve discussed  butttt I would talk to him after the fact to saying yes to marrying him. In the end, it’s all that matters- right?

    I told Mr. M that I would prefer no restaurant proposals or with our families… 🙂 I got both.  It could not have been any more special and thoughtful.  I think you need to take a step back- talk with him without being aggressive- you post seems very aggressive to me.  You two sound like you’re on a different page of expectations of the relationship.  People express love differently and as much as you feel disrepected, I’m sure he is really hurt too.  

    Post # 51
    Member
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    thelove:  Wow… Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist?

    Post # 52
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I sure hope OP has REALLY thick skin!!! Sheesh! 

    Post # 53
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee

    Wish you the very best in getting to a peaceful place from all these raw emotions & moving forward together. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    677 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    If you haven’t seen the ring how do you know it’s not a sapphire center stone set in a diamond halo? 

    You need to get to why you don’t like diamonds and get over that. I would also suggest you ask your SO why he chose a diamond?? For it may be its hard wearing and you have a littke one to run about after so 

    maybe it really sparkles and you bring sparkle into his life. 

    Maybe just maybe you will like the ring when you see it and it its a solitare you can always keep the setting and swap the stone for your sapphire 

    and if you can’t talk with out it getting loud and nasty then write a letter with your questions and ask him to reply in the same way

     

    best of luck x

    Post # 55
    Member
    3306 posts
    Sugar bee

    If you haven’t opened the ring box, how do you know it’s a diamond ring??

    And what’s wrong with Ghost Adventures?

    If he can’t understand why you’re mad, and you can’t have an adult conversation re: being upset/pissed about proposal and ‘diamond ring’ then I would suggest seeking therapy before saying yes.

    Post # 56
    Member
    677 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    catbride123:  maybe he didn’t make eye contact as he was scared of the reaction

     

    Post # 57
    Member
    677 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    I didn’t even get a ring or any romance. I just got a casual do you wanna get married then while sat on the sofa watching TV 

    Post # 58
    Member
    33 posts
    Newbee

    I’m going to say this nicely to you because you obviously need help.. but honey, how about just appreciating what he does for you and have some manners? If you want to change the diamond to a sapphire, then do it with tact and take him with you. But the way you’ve slammed him down (and he clearly is just doing what HE thinks is going to be great) it just shows you don’t really care about how this guy feels. You do and I’m sorry to say it, you need to re arrange your priorities and be a nicer person.

    Post # 59
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee

    Judgement on your character aside – after 15 years together you obviously don’t know or respect each other’s wants and needs. Consider it a blessing you aren’t engaged because its obviously not working, and it’s frustrating you to the point of rage. Good luck

    Post # 60
    Member
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee

    thelove:  I’d be a little mad that he just stuck it on top of the boxes while you were getting in the car. Makes me question what was going on before you got in the car. Was there an argument?  Other than that I’d have to agree with the other Bee’s that you are being ungrateful with the ring he got you. What if it was the ring you wanted and he was just yanking your chain a little and you go off the handle? Sounds like both of you have some issues that need to be worked out.

    Post # 61
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee

    We were together about 8 months and he shows up at my job balloons, roses teddy bears, I went off.

    How lovely! – Advice to your partner…. GET OUT NOW!!! Poor man, there is a lot worse he could of done like not bother with your ungrateful self at all… Sapphire ring, diamond ring? you dont even deserve a haribo ring!

    • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  grace25.

    The topic ‘I HATE the ring’ is closed to new replies.

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