Post # 1
Going anon because I’m embarrassed to be writing this post, but I need to get it out.
I turned 31 two weeks ago, and that is what my friend says to me. We don’t live in the same city anymore, but she calls me up on my birthday to tell me my ex is getting married (I don’t keep in touch with him but it was hard to hear nontheless). And then she goes on to say that I will never get married because I’m “moving backwards in life.”
I don’t make a lot of money, but I love what I do, and she continually gives me grief about it. One time she came to visit and said “Well, I can tell this is the poor neighborhood just by the cars you people drive.” I laughed it off, but it really made me give her the side eye. Recently, I bought gifts for her kids and she said “Gifts mean nothing to me because I have enough money to literally buy anything I want. Try again.” WTF
I made a lot more money than I do now a couple years back (which is where I met this “friend”), but I was so miserable that I couldn’t justify sticking with it. I ended up going back to school after I was laid off and I’m really struggling to get my life back on track. I spend all day applying for jobs and have had some interviews, but no offers yet. My relationship ended back in June. My student loan is just sitting there staring at me.
I feel stupid posting this, but I needed to vent and take a break from staring at my resume. It was hard enough being unemployed and ending a relationship, but hearing her tell me I’ll never get married was just the icing on the cake. Apparently, her belief is that if you don’t have life together by 30, you never will.
I guess I’m just looking for stories of encouragement. I do have a hard time seeing how I’ll meet someone, get a job, pay off my student loan, and have it all figured out. But I have to hope, right?
Post # 2
Ew why are you friends with this person?? She sounds awful! She’s jealous that you’re pursuing what you love versus herself being miserable. I would so much rather live a life with average income but be happy with my work than make a ton of money and be miserable.Keep doing what you’re doing bee!
Post # 3
That’s not a friend. Everything you stated is in fact the OPPOSITE of what a good friend would do. First things first, lose that baggage and negativity (easier said than done, I know)
Don’t let this become a self fulfilling prophecy. If you listen to people constantly saying “you can’t do this, you can’t do that,” then guess what commonly happens? You don’t do it because you get this mantra stuck in YOUR head without even realizing it!
You are still young with plenty of time, I promise you.
Post # 4
Your “friend” is an ignorant moron. First, ditch her and don’t look back.
Secondly, 31 is not a death sentence for your love life. You do you, meet people doing things you enjoy and it will all work out in the end.
Post # 5
Seriously, why are you friends with her??
Post # 6
Fuck that noise. And time to ditch this so-called friend.
I married my ex at 30 and I’m engaged to my FI many years later. Sometimes you just have to be the best you and trust that most of the things you want will come. When you are true to yourself most is enough.
Post # 7
Of course you have time! Loads of it! You are only 30. I didn’t even meet my fiance until I was 32. This person is not a friend. She clearly has major insecurities and tries to boost her self esteem by attempting to lower other people’s by putting them down. I would let the “friendship” wither and die. You don’t need toxic people like that in your life.
Post # 8
I actually think she’s jealous of you, jealous that you weren’t afraid to blow up your life at the geriatric age of 30 by ending your unfulfilling relationship and quitting your high-paying but insufferable job for a new lower paying job that actually is meaningful to you. These types of choices that you made take GUTS. Many people would rather stay in a relationship or job that is just “okay” or even “kind of shitty” because it feels safer than making drastic changes to improve their life.
I could be totally off but that’s the vibe I’m getting. I can’t imagine why else she would say such bitchy things. “Try again” in response to gifts you got her kids???? Those are not the words of a well-adjusted, content human being.
She’s insulting you and trying to make you doubt your choices, but really, she doubts her own. At least, that is my “reading between the lines” take on this woman.
Whatever her motivation, I would def be slow fading the shit out of her at this point. No one’s got time for that kind of negativity!
Post # 9
snailsforbreakfast : Sounds to me like you just have a lousy friend. Making a lot of money or being younger than 30 doesn’t make a person a more “suitable” person to marry… My husband and I got married back in June, he is 31. People need to stop acting like 30 is a death sentence.. It’s really not! I say if you love your job and you’re just supporting you right now, don’t worry about trying to make more money unless YOU want to. Not for someone else or their opinion. If I had a “friend” say that my buying gifts for their children doesn’t matter I’d tell them to get out of my life.
Post # 10
That woman is a bitch. My ex husband walked out on me and our daughter 3 months before my 30th birthday. I met my new husband a year later and now we just celebrated our 7 year anniversary and have 2 more daughters. You seriously need to ditch that “friend”. I have enemies nicer than her.
Post # 11
She is a bad person, please cut her out of your life! Block her on your phone and all social media. She is toxic and delusional. I feel bad for her kids, they’re going to need a lot of therapy.
If you’re happy with your life, then you’re successful. And it isn’t anyone else’s business how you chose to live your life. A good friend who is concerned for you will offer ideas and leads on a better job,etc. she will be helpful. A bad friend criticizes you and judges you, hurts your feelings for no reason.
Let me tell you: I’ve had MANY friends “have their life together” in their 20s only to get divorced and unemployed by 30. Life is not a race to the finish line. I had a coworker (who wascheating on his wife) tell me that I’m”not the marrying type”- miserable people just want to bring happy people down. Money doesn’t buy everything.
Post # 12
She is not your friend. She is ungrateful and, as PP said, jealous that you had the confidence to follow your passion rather than staying in a high paying treadmill trap. If she doesn’t add any value to your life she doesn’t deserve to be in it.
Post # 13
She sounds like a bitch. I would stop associating with her. It’s only bringing you down. Things will get better.
Post # 14
Im sorry, but the student loan thing made me laugh. There’s nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with your friend. Kick her to the curb!
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
She’s toxic… you need let her go.
Enjoy your life however it unfolds don’t let someone else make you bitter.