Post # 17
@sweetandconfused “Since then, I have been feeling worse and worse and even worse about everything. … [M]y deep intuition is that I’m in a bad situation. I need help. …I’m stuck. And I feel like I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my entire life.”
I think you have your answer. You shouldn’t make a lifetime committment with these doubts, regardless of whether or not you’re “right”. If you feel like this, you owe it to yourself to call it off. At the very least, postpone until you can make a firm decision. Whatever you do, don’t just go through with a wedding out of convenience or pressure or someone’s expectations.
I am so, so, so sorry you’re going through this. My heart breaks for you, it really does. Can you speak with a counselor about this? I haven’t read your other posts, but you mentioned PTSD; if you can talk to your counselor about this they may have the insight into your life to help you through it.
Best of luck to you. Many prayers and internet hugs. <3
Post # 18
I read the qu wrong and voted ‘no’ but i meant yes. So many alarms and warning signs. You do not seem happy. You need to get out
Post # 19
You said you feel trapped and you sound a lot more concerned about the hassle of canceling the wedding than living without your partner. I agree that it would be a pain in the ass to cancel a wedding, but I think divorce would be an even bigger pain in the ass. The rest of your life is a long time and you are already unhappy. I wouldn’t move forward if I felt how you do.
Post # 20
Thank you all for being so honest, supportive and insightful. I don’t know how to proceed with these feelings and even what to say to my fiance… What *do* I say to him?!
Post # 21
You need to be honest, as you said, you believe he loves you in his own way so he deserves an honest answer from you. Ultimately it will help both of you heal if you’re honest with him.
Post # 22
I had similar feelings about my ex-FI. We cancelled the wedding and I am so much happier now.
I know it’s hard to think about now, and I’m not going to lie–it’ll be even harder to do. But I can tell your heart knows what the best decision is here. Don’t let your head drown it out. I am sure anyone who cares enough about you to fly out to your wedding would rather eat the cost of the tickets than to carry on with something that’s hurtng you and you know isn’t right, just for their sake.
Post # 23
Talk to your family about how you’re feeling and what his thoughts are on the situation. You say they are your support system in all this. I think you already know the answer but you just need help getting the strength to make it happen. You’ve already told him how you feel about this multiple times in multiple ways but you say he’ll only compromise when “the rubber hits the road”. That’s no way for a partnership to exist.
Post # 24
It is easy for all of us to click an answer on that poll. It is easy for us to sit here and tell you to cancel it, or not cancel it. You really have to ask yourself what you want. Deep down. Forget the deposits, forget what others will think. Do you want to marry this man? Be honest with yourself. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you. At the end of the day you don’t want to marry a man that you do not want to be with just to save some money or to save people from talking or being upset. You also do not want to cancel the wedding because you’re nervous or scared. Ask yourself what you want. Have a good talk with your Fiance and be open about your feelings. Good luck.
Post # 25
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@sweetandconfused Cacncelling a wedding while stressful is nowhere near as bad as getting a divorce (which is where I think your marriage will end up if you go through with the wedding.) Don’t worry about what people have spent. You need to do what is best for you and that is cancelling the wedding.
Post # 26
oh honey. he would bail on you if you became disabled? So basically, the vows should say “for better, otherwise I’m out” or he’s uncomfortable saying them? Life is so unpredictable. People get sick. He is basically telling you not to count on him if something goes really wrong. That is very cold of him and I just don’t see how that is a good foundation for marriage.
Post # 27
@sweetandconfused I really think you need to cancel. Either way people would have wasted time and money, because it sounds like if you marry him you will be miserable. You can’t go through with a wedding that is not right just because it is inconvenient! I hope you make the right choice xx
Post # 28
I would cancel. I myself cancelled a wedding. It’s hard, slightly embarrassing, but better than marrying someone who isn’t right for you and going through a divorce or living a life you hate.
Just be honest with him about where your feelings stand. He is allowed to get mad, cry, scream, carry on…essentially he’s allowed to feel how he wants to feel. Just do what is best for you, and it doesn’t sound like you want to be miserable. This isn’t cold feet.
Post # 29
I agree. That’s a very scary thought
Post # 30
marriage is supposed to be about compromises. he doesn’t sound like he is capable of this. not good.
i don’t think this is cold feet. i think this is your gut telling you something. listen.
Post # 31
So…unless you’re in decent health, independent, have money coming in he isn’t sure if he would be able to stay with you? Or “handle it”, however you want to word it.
Your vows would have to sound more like “in health, and in only health, until your health problems do us part”
…to which I would reply “I don’t.”
Can you at least postpone the wedding to give you some time to step back and re-evaluate?
Also, I’m wondering if this man wouldn’t be a good match for the woman who posted about being attracted to her FI’s brother and who also said she wouldn’t stay and wouldn’t want him to stay if either of them became disabled or something.