Post # 1
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
I feel like I’ve been in a bit of an emotional rut. First off, I really don’t have a lot of people to talk to, so I think that adds to my out of check emotions, and desire to have conversation. But, I just feel like there is some sort of rift between me and Justin. I love him to death, and when he says he loves me on the phone, I KNOW he does because you can hear the depth of the love (sounds so silly, I know) in his voice.
But I just cannot help but feel so lonely. I know I am probably imagining the rift because while he’s busy we share one or two text’s a day sometimes more. I dunno, I feel like I am being too demanding, expecting more conversation between us when someday’s there really isn’t a lot to be said. It’s just nice to read a reply or hear his voice on the phone. We’ve been pretty good at talking every Friday night for the past 3 Fridays, but that’s about it.
I think, I feel a little insecure now too. Especially after talking about engagement, marriage and living together. We really have touched on all three subjects, and he’s not scared he says. He tells me he feels the same way and I believe him. I just think my depression is surfacing.
Has anyone else in an LDR felt this way?? How did you get over those feelings? I try to busy myself now with exercise but I don’t want to kill myself at the gym and I’m pretty broke working only part-time (though hoping to get this full-time job). I don’t watch a lot of movies, but I do like to read. But also, I just like having girl talk. That’s something I don’t have here. At all. Anyway, to all who read, thanks for letting me get this out of my system. Maybe I’ll feel better after writing this.
Post # 3
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
We were in a semi LDR for a little while and skype/oovoo was the greatest thing! I highly recommend it 🙂
Post # 4
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
How long have you been together and how long has it been long distance? Have you ever told Justin how you feel? I’ve never been in a LDR, but I can imagine it can be really tough, especially w/out female companionship. I can relate to you there. My husband is around, but we just moved to a new place, so I don’t have many friends around. I feel lonely even though he is here. He works all the time because we are in a financial rut right now. I’m currently unemployed, so I have too much time on my hands to think about things. I’m really sorry you are feeling lonely. It’s an awful feeling.
Post # 5
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
@rljohnso14: I haven’t really told him that part. I feel ashamed that I feel this way actually. I know it may sound strange saying that, but I feel like this is just something I cannot say. I won’t even blog about it on my facebook because I don’t want to let his mother and sister know. I love both of them all ready, and hope they become a part of my family for life and hopefully friends as well. That’s one thing I look forward to about the move next year. I felt like there was a good connection between me, his mom and sister when we all met for Lunch.
Oovoo?? I’ll have to look that up. I cannot get him to hop on board with the skype thing. He Raids a lot, and plays WoW a ton. I dropped the game (that’s where we met two years ago). And we’ve been in an LDR for a year now. It’s getting harder after every personal visit we have, I’ll just be glad when the distance is gone and we’re together.
Post # 6
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
@Silentlove: I’m glad to hear the distance is temporary. Perhaps you can try getting to know his mom and sister more. You can work on your relationship with them, so you feel less alone. It’s sad to hear that you feel ashamed to tell him. I think it’s perfectly understandable to feel the way you do. Why won’t he Skype? It’s free and you guys can see each other.
Post # 7
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
I felt that way in our first stint of LDR and the only thing that helped was finding a good group of friends. This time, I have tons of friends and can occupy myself with stuff for myself so I feel less needy of his attention/conversation/texts/whatever. Are you anywhere near a larger city? I would recommend getting connected with people and developing a social life for yourself or at least hobbies that occupy you. If you’re interested in how I got connected PM me, I’d be happy to give advice or have online girl talk if you’re in a very rural area.
Also, I know exactly what you mean about hearing the depth of love in his voice, that’s what I love most about LDR!
Post # 8
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
@rljohnso14: Hmm, not exactly sure why. Maybe if I bring it up more, he may go for it??? That’s actually something we don’t talk a lot about, haha…
I would like to connect more with his mom and sister. Not sure how to, I can try random chit chat and see if she replies. Though his mom has been really nice. She replies to me on facebook if I post something (about fears). In fact I posted a post about being afraid that Justin was going to basically disappear after talking about marriage and she said,
“Coming from Justin’s mom, I think you are safe. He is crazy about you and is just very quiet about his feelings.
That made me pretty happy. Still does.
@LaurenK0105: I live in a small city, not a lot to do around here. The mall isn’t all that big, and unlike most places I’ve lived the colleges don’t offer those extra classes that some do for the entire purpose of getting out and being social.
Post # 9
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee
@Silentlove: Get him to skype with you! He can drop his WoW to skype with you. Why don’t you play WoW anymore? You two could interact with each other that way. Play together.
Post # 10
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee
i’m in an ldr myself and i understand the lonliness you feel. my bf and i don’t talk as often as we did in the very beginning of our relationship [we’re 6 years in now] and lately i had been feeling those lonely pangs. he’s not a big phone person so it’s not a natural thing for him to call or text as much as i do and sometimes we missed skype dates because he’d accidentally fall asleep [he’s 3 hours ahead of me] or something would come up. it bothered me and i always meant to talk to him about it but i’d forget when we would talk because i was just so grateful for that connection.
but i broke down and confessed to him exactly how i felt. i pretty much unloaded several months worth of frustration and tears on him and it was a shock for him to hear because he didn’t realize that i was dealing with this but he has been incredibly supportive since our talk. he understood that he had to step outside his comfort zone a bit to include me in his life and has been texting and calling a bit more and has worked harder at keeping our skype dates since our talk.
if you’re feeling this way, by all means TELL HIM. he can’t read your mind and he won’t know unless you speak up. don’t feel ashamed. it’s how you feel and it won’t get better until you address it. you can’t address a problem you refuse to acknowledge.
Post # 11
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
@Tunacupcakes: I pretty much quit due to constant drama. Somehow I make hardcore enemies =3… I just don’t crap from people, so I do talk back in game. But ever since I dropped WoW the ‘talk’ time we have had has kind of went South. I’m thinking of going back, if just for that reason alone. Make a new character no one knows, and stick to non-raiding stuff.
@tea: Yeah, I think the next time we talk on the phone I’ll tell him because if I keep it bottled up I may accidently write something and it comes across wrong and that’s the end.
Post # 12
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
@Silentlove: I was in a long distance relationship with my ex-high school sweetheart for more than 3 years, then in a LDR with my FH for 2 years.
For some people who have the computer and camera to pull it off, skype helps a lot. I’ve heard this from a lot of sources, but my computer wasnt quick/fast enough for it at the time
Second, Always know when you will talk on the phone next. It sounds like you have a pre-set time each week, and keep that going.
Third – Kow when you are going to see him next (in person). It helps with insecurities and gives you a date to look forward to.
Otherwise, if you hope the two of you will be together – keep yourself busy working on those things you would want to have in place to build a more solid relationship, whether its an education for a career, building a successful career, saving money, etc
It’s best to keep yourself extremely busy when in an LDR.
Post # 13
Member
29 posts
Newbee
I’d recommend going back to WoW, if you’re doing everything else you want to and still have time to think yourself down.
I’ve had a very busy year at school and I’ve done the whole girlfriend-does-homework-while-boyfriend-raids thing, and it sucks, and makes me feel distant from him, even if it’s just a couple of nights a week. I mean, if there’s no joy in the game for you at all, don’t do it – but if you want to get away from your old identity there, why not sign up for a trial, level up a new toon for a little while, and see how it goes?
Also, the GoogleTalk standalone program is a great internet phone and a very easy switch from Vent after the raid – my boy and I couldn’t live without it. It’s much lighter and simpler than Skype, and plain voicechat is a lot easier to run constantly than videochat. We watch movies with it running in headsets and often eat meals together. Nuts, I know, but it helps us feel close. Any random crap that can be done on the internet can be done together! *cough Dragon Age facebook game cough*
Sorry if I recommended stuff you already do – it really sounds like you two just need more time together.
Edit: On a side note, I’d love to hear how you made hardcore enemies in WoW. You sound very sweet – so it must be a good story! *grabs popcorn*
Edit edit: YES, as tea said, communicate!
Post # 14
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
@LadyTegan: lol I just speak my mind. If I feel myself or someone I care about is being treated unfairly I speak up. I don’t hold back. It’s just a lot of stuff, but let’s just say if it’s another female gamer my cat claws apparently came out, but only after they were stabbing me in the back and trying to get me kicked to take my spot (Which sadly worked for one).
I’m going to try and talk to him about it. I honestly did feel better after this topic got running, and got some feedback. I also sent his mom an e-mail, and she about made me cry. She’s actually looking forward to me becoming her daughter in law. That made me so happy.
As for WoW, I’m going to transfer my level 85 druid healer to a server my co-workers play on. His server apparently can pug heroic raids right now and get some of the bosses down which is impressive considering a regular raid group from guild cannot do that on my current server. The server I played on is really at the bottom of the raiding totem pole.
Post # 15
Member
29 posts
Newbee
@Silentlove: Sounds like a plan. I’m a pretty laid-back person on WoW the last couple years, but I have had some awful experiences with slippery female guild members. I think everyone needs to chill out to a point about everyday drama, but backstabbing, two-facedness, jealousy, etc… so hard to deal with.
Do you think your SO might transfer servers with you? I mentioned it more as a potential bonding activity than as a time-burner – I don’t think you should feel like it’s an imposition to suggest it, considering the relationship. But then again, if it’s a guild he’s been in for a few years on a low-progression server, he probably won’t want to leave. I don’t know. I just feel like you should be able to get some quality time out of the deal.
I’m a little worried about your statement, “I may accidently write something and it comes across wrong and that’s the end”… I’m not positive you meant the end of the relationship, but I sure hope it’s not really that shaky. You should feel pretty safe stating your mind to your boyfriend, even if it’s not the most positive stuff you’ve ever said.
Post # 16
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
@LadyTegan: Oh, it’s more of it could boil down to my bottling up my emotions and then I write something really hurtful. For a while, I got jealous of a male friend of his who is in the guild that I had to talk him into joining in the first place. He spends a crap ton of time with him, they’re both officers in the guild, well actually the one guy is the guild owner now since the other one never returned to WoW. Heck, they leveled to 50 in Rift together : and apparently even play PS3 / Xbox games together, so I get a little jealous. But he needs his guy friends . . .
I would suggest he transfer but I all ready know he would say no to it. He has 3 level 80s and all 3 play a part in the guild. So, I know he won’t. It’s okay. At least he talks to me when I’m on there. And I don’t think our relationship is rocky. I have yet to piss him off he says. I’ve annoyed him a couple of times, one of which was when we were together in March and I kept asking him if he was ever going to kiss me. Our first kiss was … hmm, imagine watching a movie and you’re cheering for the couple to kiss, and they do but it’s a horrible kiss and you can hear the audience go, “What the hell was that?” and “Kiss again!” But no kiss follows, yeah . . . that was our first kiss. Our second kiss when he was seeing me off (all tearful and cute…) was much, much better. I think it made him feel more confident. So here’s to a lot of make-up kissing lol.
