Post # 1
Okay well first, I know this is not the biggest deal, its better that a bridal shower not go as planned than for the wedding to go that way. So my future MIl insiste don throwing me a shower, I told her it wasn’t necessary but she insisted. So I thought okay she will prob invite fiance’s sisters, a couple cousins and a couple aunts-I’m not entirely close with his extended family because it is very large! So I sent her the addresses to my friends who I wanted to be there. I didn’t think it was necessary to have two bridal showers since they would have been at the same place. Now I am wishing I would have let my friends plan a separate one.
My future Mother-In-Law planned it for the day before 4th of July- so about half my friends were out of town, and I know if they would have planned one they would have gotten together and planned a time that worked best for most ppl to be there. Well then she invited his entire extended family, people I’m not close to (I thought thats what the wedding was for) I thought bridal showers were more personal and intimate. Then she also invited about a dozen or more of her oldest friends that I have never met that she hadnt seen in a while because she moved from the area. So when they came she spent the whole time catching up with her friends, and I was a little hurt that there was about zero spotlgiht on me. All the relatives she invited thought it was a family reunion, no one talked to me, and I even distanced myself from the few friends that came so I could be approachable to ppl I didn’t know to introduce myself. While I opened presents- my future Mother-In-Law disappeared outside– not even in the house, as well as the other host my future sister in law, and no one in his family watched me open presents!
The thing is my mom flew in for my bridal shower and I was upset the whole time. On top of that we waited so long to get started to wait for HER FRIENDS to get there that a couple of my friends had to leave in the middle of present opening to get to work and other family events (you know because it was the 4th of july the next day) so pretty much my mom and sister and a couple friends watched me open presents- while his whole family had a reunion in the next room extremely loud. I felt so AWKWARD, I even thought, should I just stop no one is even watching. my mom could tell I frustrated and I tried not to show it.
I don’t feel that I’m normally dying to be center of attention but since it was my bridal shower I was expecting things to be taken care of and not have to act as a host and such. But I did because my future Mother-In-Law and SIL disappeared during the whole thing! It was very awkward and uncomfortable for me and I was pretty upset she invited all her friends because she talked to them the whole and no one even acted like the shower was for me.
I’m not that upset over it anymore because its over and I can’t do anythng about it now but I’m not a good liar and when ppl ask how it was and lie and say good but I don’t have a lot of good things to say about it. I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but even my mom thought it was rude and awkward, but she is much better at not showing that she felt that way. She even went and introduced herself to everyone because no one came up to her to talk to her- the mother of the bride-from out of town! not even the host-and she had to go around introducing herself to everyone.
Sorry this is a long post, I was just thinking about when I have kids and my girls (hopefully I get some) have bridal showers and ask about our wedding and bridal shower and such and I have to tell them their grandma threw it for me and lie and say I liked it? Because I’ve decided that I’m going to be the best sister in law (i have 4 brothers- all younger) when I get them and never make anything in the wedding about me. (There are previous posts about all that his family has done to upset me in this wedding planning process)
Post # 3
Were you at my shower? LOL. It was all family i’ve never met and half of them sat in the kitchen talking to themselves and not watching while i opened gifts. Fine, but it makes it hard to thank someone who’s in a different room who i’ve never met before. I spent most of the afternoon chilling by the sodas hanging out by myself pretending to be very observant. One lady talked to me endlessly about my brother, who died in a car accident barely a year ago and wouldn’t let up until I was in tears, crying at my own shower. Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law apologized for her later, but that didn’t make it much better. I was incredibly bummed and depressed from that point on. Who talks about that to the bride for that long?! I mean, don’t talk about it in general. Oye. When I told my mom how awkward it all went down, she said that it should never have been like that. I only brought my Maid/Matron of Honor to the shower with me because I knew I was having a friend shower later. Which had games and good food and booze.
Anyways, it’s unfortunate that some people don’t just get how to host a party properly and to be attentive hosts, and it just goes to show the social anxiety and issues other people have being friendly. They probably think I should have gone around introducing myself. But, I didn’t feel like I should. I got introduced around, but that was it. Only one lady complimented me on my nice, new outfit (a cute white dress with a big turquoise necklace. Hey i thought i was fashionable) and nobody bothered to look at my ring, either.
So, basically, you aren’t alone and I’m relieved to see some other people out there don’t know how to throw a party. Consider it the fact that we’ll never ever be like this. But man, I totally feel for ya!!!!
Post # 4
To be honest, my shower didn’t go perfectly well either. My mom and sister planned it and they chose a really nice location (which is hard to find in the small TX town I am from – so I was happy about that) and planned it for the day after my neice’s birthday party since I would be in TX that weekend. Well, since my sister was busy with friends and her husband’s family ALL NIGHT after the party, I had to decorate for my own shower the night before!!! When we got there to decorate, I realized my sister had purchased almost nothing! WTF? My mom and I made last minute runs to Wal-Mart all night and had to work with whatever they had. It was too late and too far from any craft stores or anything like Target.
In the end, the shower fortunately went pretty well, we had good food, and a good number of guests. No one else realized that anything had been awry. But I was REALLY annoyed that I had to work all night and the morning of to organize everything for my own shower.
There’s not too much you can do unfortunately at this point, though. 🙁 Do you think you could be honest with your friends (that you did not enjoy this shower at all) and possibly have another one with just your closes friends and family?
Post # 5
I second gracez – I think you should have another shower with your close friends and family.
So sorry to hear, it went so badly. You shouldn’t have felt like a stranger at your own shower.
Post # 6
So sorry to hear what a bummer it was! My shower was practically all family, but that wasnt an issue for me
I ‘third’ having a shower with friends! that might make you smile
Post # 7
I have a feeling since your friends were witness to that disaster, they will GLADLY throw you another shower. Just make sure its a closed guest list. Even if Future Mother-In-Law isnt happy about it, its not her decision. your MoH can always gently tell her that the friends collectively agreed that you werent the focus of your last shower because it was so large, and they want to throw a more intimate one.
Post # 8
I agree! Another shower- tell them and your side of the family the truth- that they don’t have to bring another gift but just to show up. Just make sure Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law don’t find out!
Post # 9
I’m so sorry your shower wasn’t what you’d hoped it would be. Is this your only shower, or are your BM/your family throwing you one, too?
My Mother-In-Law insisted on throwing me a shower and well, it seemed like she got together with your Mother-In-Law to discuss what to do! It was horrible. She changed the date several times to accomodate her friends, despite the fact that it was inconvient for me. She didn’t introduce me to anyone, so I spent the entire time trying to introduce myself to a bunch of strangers. She also insisted on asking me repeatedly about what I wanted to eat, only to serve something completely different that I didn’t like! She made me open gifts, but then spent the whole time talking to her friends. I didn’t know who anyone was, so I had to read the card and say "Oh, it’s from Jane" then scan the room frantically hoping I would remember who it was/the guest would identify herself. After it was done, my then-fiance, my sister and I spent the entire afternoon CLEANING UP. SHe and her friends sat around and ordered us around. It was…terrible.
Luckily, my sister was with me at this ordeal. With the help of my aunt, my sister threw a beautiful, fun shower for me. I was able to relax and have a good time and pretend that the other shower never happened!
Post # 10
Instead of another bridal shower why not have a small lingerie shower before your bach party with just the girls. We have done that a few times and it has been really fun because it is causal and small group of friends. And then we laugh at what people give the bride.
Post # 11
Wow thats terrible I’m sooo sorry that happened to you! I also think you should have another shower, one thats for you and all about you, you deserve it!
Post # 12
So sorry that happened.
How about having a bachelorette party/shower at the same time! That would be so fun!
Post # 13
Are you ahaving another shower thrown by your side of the family? Then your Mother-In-Law will be there with a bunch of strangers and you can take a different approach.
I didn’t have any bad showers, but I had a terrible bachelorette paryty, and I understand how frustrating it is when things don’t go smoothly, and you’re put in an awkward situation.
Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. There’s nothing you can do at this point, so keep your chin up and keep moving along!
Post # 14
I’m not having a formal bridal shower; my sister is inviting people; but I told her what I wanted; just my NYC friends, cocktails, lingerie themed and bridal shower games
Post # 15
Ugh, that sounds horrible. Good to you for making through the whole thing, I don’t know if I could have done the same! You should definitley have another shower!
Post # 16
To be honest I have rarely been to a ‘good shower’. They are usually boring, you talk to people you don’t care about and eat food. I think they are a nice way to get some things to help a new couple start their home. I am a fan of couples showers with themes and fun!