(Closed) I hated registering with him!

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I really don’t know what to tell you since it sounds like he is being a total control freak and a bit of an ass. I can’t imagine someone honestly acting like that about the registry, but I digress. Point blank, these things are meant to be for both of you. That means compromise. Usually when guys refuse to allow any “girl” decorating in the house, they are trying to cling to the “bachelor pad” feel they had in their dorm in college. Perhaps you could work it out where he gets to register for one department and you get another.  Also, about the bed items. Why can’t you two have two complete sets, one he likes and one that is better for you that you alternate weekly or bi-weekly?

Post # 4
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Grrr that would annoy me so bad. Woman up…tell him that his house is your home now too. It’s not like you’re trying to make the place girly, so I don’t understand his problem. Maybe you should point out really girly things and he’ll be so relieved when you point out something neutral he’ll just go for it haha.

Post # 6
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm well it sounds like you tried to work it out. Perhaps you could get a room in the place to coordinate and decorate. The kitchen or the living room? I think you do need to tell him how you feel about this matter. Something like “I understand that you and I have very different ideas on how to decorate. I think in order to be fair I should get a room. May I have the kitchen to decorate?” Perhaps add in that you dont have anything of yours in your home. About what colors to paint the bedroom. If he’s not willing to compromise on sheets, I don’t think he’s going to let you pick the color of the walls. Sorry.

Post # 7
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He is testing you to see how much you’ll let him get away with, and he is winning by a long shot.

 

Post # 8
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You need to sit down and have a discussion about what happened. Bigger issues are at play here: He is not compromising, you are, he is expecting you to mould into his life, not for the two of you to make a new life together. Doesn’t he want it to look like a home rather than a bachelor pad with a women thrown in?

 

Perhaps he doesn’t like having a lot of “stuff” (something I can relate to), perhaps you should go through your house together and examine what you have, what you can get rid of and what you would like to replace. Show him the mismatched cups, explain to him that if people are going to give gifts that you may as well replace these things. 

 

You need to discuss this together, otherwise you will not be happy, just resentful. 

Post # 9
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

That would explain it. But why now? 7 years later?  My guess is that this kind of behavior has been going on and even manifesting itself in other ways. He probably tested how much he could get away with early in the relationship.

Post # 10
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just had another thought, perhaps you should ask him what he envisioned the family home to look like? (the two of you will soon be a family) Perhaps even put together some images of differently decorated houses. He probably hasn’t even thought about it before. You need to explain that it has to look like “us” rather than “him”.

Post # 11
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

When I moved in with my husband, we had a bit of the same. His place was a total bachelor pad, but it was “his” space and he didn’t want to change anything. I sat him down and told him that when he asked me to move in, it ceased to be “his” space and became “our” space, and that I felt like I did not even belong in my own home, that it didn’t feel like it was mine at all, and it felt like sleeping on someone else’s couch (no I wasn’t really sleeping on the couch) and not like home. Hearing that helped him a lot, and he became instantly more flexible and even went out of his way to pick up some stuff I had previously bemoaned wishing we had.

Post # 12
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@K_alecia:  Bummer that your experience was not a positive one!  I had a totally different experience than you where I felt like I was “pulling teeth” to get my hubby to make comments about anything (comforter, sheets, bathroom set, decor, etc.).  The only item he cared about was the Keurig Single Cup Coffee Maker and he didn’t want brown in the bathroom b/c it reminded him of a b.m. (haha!).  I suppose I should now be grateful that he doesn’t care so much, huh?  I’d definitely have a chat with your fiance’ about how he envisions your home together.  You have to work on compromising or the relationship is going to bring soooo many challenges (speaking from experience).  After your discussion (or multiple discussions), hopefully you’ll be able to go online and add a few items that you’d like to have.  Best Wishes to you!! 

Post # 13
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

If he’s not willing to compromise I would say screw it and register for stuff on line that you want. I’m sure men don’t registry stalk and you could just act surprised πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Congrats on putting your foot down! πŸ™‚ Give him a man room in your new place.  Let him pick stuff for the guest bedroom or something so he feels like he is still getting his way a little.  Works for me hehe.

Post # 16
Hostess
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Haha, girl, I totally get it. Love my Fiance to death, but we’ve learned a lot about each other through the course of registering (we’re still knee deep in it too). πŸ™‚

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