Post # 1
I need help. I’ve been reading the other posts on demoting the maid of honor but my story is a little different. I am now 31 days away from the wedding and my Maid/Matron of Honor is making more frustrated than the wedding itself. I had a discussion with her months ago asking her to help me more and she was in the midst of graduating from college and assured me that after she graduated in December, that she would help me more. Here we are in April, and I am crying as I write this because I am so frustrated. I bought my own wedding shower invitations after hounding her to get them out. Then my bridesmaids decided to plan it instead of her. They had an awesome fashion show theme and they all wore black and acted like they were in the papparazzi and she showed up when the shower started in jeans and a colorful sweater. She also only attended half of my engagement party because she said it was all couples and she is single. Now, 31 days out, and I am hounding her to get my bachelorette party details finalized that is in 2 and a half weeks. What should I do?!?!?! I would still keep her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but at this point, I think I’ve cried my last tear over this. This is undue stress that shouldn’t be put on by my Maid/Matron of Honor. Help me!
Post # 3
Cut her loose I guess! Some people just aren’t enthusiastic about doing wedding stuff. Do you think she would be relieved or upset?
Post # 4
@awhurdler: Well, I’m just going to echo what a lot of ladies on here will probably say. You ONLY asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. There is no rule saying your Maid/Matron of Honor has to help you with your wedding or plan your parties. All she really has to do is buy a dress and show up. She has her own life, too, and it doesn’t revolve around your wedding. That being said, I can understand your disappointment and frustration. You expected her to be at your beck and call, and she isn’t. Did you tell her when you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor what your expectations were? I know I was in a wedding where the bride didn’t tell us anything, and she was basically neurotic and a control freak. She planned everything herself because she wanted to. Are you maybe a little bit like that? She might have just thought you wanted to do it yoruself.
On the whole, I wouldn’t kick her out just because of this. I think you should 1. calm down because your frustrations are probably because you’re so stressed and 2. talk to her if you’re still really upset about it in a few days.
Post # 5
@awhurdler: Aww! Well Ms. Bride to be this seems very small considerating your wedding day is more important than anything. When choosing a Maid/Matron of Honor you need to remind yourself is this person capable of doing the Maid/Matron of Honor duties? she may be the best friend but just not a planner. Many of us have BFF but they are just not good at getting stuff done in a timely manner. If the bridesmaid want to do the bachelorette party then allow then to do so, its really not that important and you don’t need to have that stress on you at this time. If your Maid/Matron of Honor has been a longtime good friend then cherish that and not what she can’t do. I’m sure all will work out. I speak from experience, getting married May 21, 2011 which will be my 2nd time around. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I have been friends since 3rd grade, so that speaks volume but she has not help me doing anything and I’m fine with that because she is use to being charge and this is not her show, so I rather her just stand by my sided. Good Luck!
Post # 6
Maybe promote another girl to Maid/Matron of Honor and have to MOHs? Or just ask another one to do the ‘work’ without the ‘title’. Don’t demote. 🙁 That makes things ugly. Just don’t expect much from your Maid/Matron of Honor (tough!) but when she contributes you will be happy.