(Closed) I have a confession…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Daaaaaaaaang. I say just let it go, because I don’t think explaining this to her is really going to result in an honest admission of a crappy attitude on her part or make you any happier. And by let it go, I mean let her go and find a new Maid/Matron of Honor and friend.

Post # 4
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Well, I can see why you are angry now.  I would be pretty P.O’d too if I were in your shoes.  If she hasn’t made any attempt to contact you in the 3 months since her wedding, I think the friendship may be over.  I don’t want to tell you to kick her out of your wedding, only you can make that decision, but if something goes wrong on your wedding day who are the people you want to be around you?  If you couldn’t stand her being around you then, I think you know what you should do. 

Before you do anything though, I would give her a call, see how things are with her new life and go from there.  Maybe it was all the stress of the wedding?  I know I yelled at my mom twice within 24 hours at my wedding, (I apologized pretty immediately though), so I think stress can be huge factor in her behavior.

Also, I see your wedding isn’t until 2011, if you have some of the big stuff taken care of, then I think you can def take a break from wedding planning and recharge your batteries a bit.

Post # 5
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hate to say this, but I agree with Laylabelle.  I could write off some bad behavior as being wedding stress related, but the telling you what to buy her and the not talking to you… this is just selfish, and you deserve a Maid/Matron of Honor who is going to support you and be there for you on your wedding day.  She’s not being a friend to you. 

It’s sad to have to “break up” with friends, and so hard, but in the end you may be happy you did it. 

Post # 6
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

Damn.

The “I don’t care part of me” says that you should tell her what’s what, and let her know that if she brings that attitude to your wedding, then she can stay home.

The more rational, people pleaser part of me says that I would give her a call to catch up and see what’s what with her. Maybe the stress was just too much for her and she broke. If she was that awful to that many people, I’m sure someone made a comment about it.  Most likely at your wedding she’ll be relaxed and fine, since the pressure is off of her. But I’d definitely talk to her, or someone that knows her at least, and try and figure out what the heck happened. I would want to know that it wasn’t going to happen at my wedding, before I invited her and all of her negativity to my wedding.

Good luck. And I’m sorry you had such a rotten experience.

Post # 7
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Since you haven’t talked in a couple of months, I wonder what she is thinking? Does she still want to be your MOH? Do you want her to is another question but it seems like she was generally unappriciative and unfriend like, were there problems in your friendship before her weding?

Post # 9
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… she sounds like pretty much one of the worst friends I’ve heard of in a while. But can I ask a really honest question? It sounds like she’s a REALLY selfish person, beyond what most people consider normal. And, well, your job on your wedding day is to keep it together, and I don’t think that’s going to happen if you’re having to cater to her temper tantrums. Bridesmaids are supposed to be supportive of the bride, not the other way around and I don’t forsee her stepping up to the plate.

If you haven’t spoken to her in 3 months, she hasn’t bothered to contact you, I would think 100 times about wanting her to be in your bridal party. I really don’t think she can be supportive enough and honestly, you deserve a better friend than that.

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yes I think the others are right. It sounds like the friendship had gone to the wayside before her wedding.  It is hard to think a friendship with so much time has come and passed but it does happen and who knows she might come around in the next few years and be the friend you once knew and loved.

Post # 13
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Yikes! I’m sooo sorry you have to deal with this – and mourn the loss of a great friendship too. She’s obviously a different person. I’d ask her if there’s something else going on in her life first – be a concerned friend & ask. If she still rebuffs you I vote you put Layla’s plan into action.

Def. call her, see if she’ll talk and if she won’t open up about what’s jammed up her bum let her down easy and say well I’m sorry to hear that but I think it’s best if I find someone else to act as my Maid/Matron of Honor.

I have a friend from the neighborhood that was the same way. We grew up together for g-sakes and she totally wigged out & became a different person when she got a ring. The last time I saw her was her wedding over a year ago. She’s cut other friends in our circle out too – her loss.

Post # 15
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t know if I would even call. Honestly. You have to decide if the relationship is worth saving. You said you don’t like who she is anymore. I’d say if you are interested in saving the relationship I would call. But with your last comment; you said even if she apologizes you might still be angry. If that’s the case I probably wouldn’t even call. If you want nothign more from the relationship; I’d wait and when & if she calls I’d be polite and not talk wedding enless she brings it up. & if she brings it up I’d say that since you hadn’t heard from her in soo long and she was soo disrespectful your whole weeks stay @ her wedding that you decided to ask someone else to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Sounds like a pretty toxic friend & I’d say your better off ridding of her. JMO Hope you figure things out!!!!

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