(Closed) I have a secret…please help :(

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Personally I wouldn’t tell him. I am a very honet person but in this situation I do not think that any good can come out of this. I am so sorry you are going through this situation and feel so much guilt, but since you didn’t cheat (you weren’t together) and you told him vaguely about the situation I think him not only knowing more but bringing up this situation again will just make things worse.

Post # 4
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I wouldnt tell him. I think you told him enough, it would be one thing if you were in a serious commited relationship back then but you werent.

Post # 5
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t tell him.  It might ease your conscience, but that would be an awful burden to put on him.  If you KNOW that will never ever happen again, I don’t see that anything constructive could come out of telling him.  If you tell him now, he is going to wonder why you weren’t 100% honest at the time and might have a bit less trust in you in the future.

The situation is over and I don’t see anything good coming out of rehashing it now.  I understand you don’t want secrets between you, but in this case, I think unburdening yourself could cause more harm than good.  Maybe it would help to think of it as the burden of you having to keep this secret is the price you have to pay for your indiscretion; you do not want to tell and shift the burden of knowing to him just to ease your own conscience (hope that made sense!)

Post # 6
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Honestly I wouldn’t tell him. It seems horrible to think but keep your past as your past and just move forward. You were in a rough patch and now you guys are going strong so don’t do anything to jeopardise that. Plus you guys weren’t together then and it seems like he made screw ups back then and you’ve gotten over it, so just move forward and don’t worry you tech. have nothing to feel guilty about.

Post # 7
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It’s perfectly fine to sleep with anyone you want to when you are not in a committed relationship. Stop feeling guilty and don’t bring it up.

Post # 8
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I wouldn’t say anything. Even relationship experts say that if it was a one-time freak-accident thing… and if NOTHING good will come of you revealing the truth, then just don’t say anything.

Post # 9
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with roxy821 – don’t tell him.  Nothing good can come out of it.  You didn’t cheat on him since you guys were temporarily broken up and he already knows (and is upset by) the generalities of what went down.  He doesn’t need to know any more.

Post # 10
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m going to vouch for not telling him as well.  You’d be telling him to make yourself feel better and to relieve you of the guilt (which is totally understandable) but what good could possibly come from it?  You’ve told him something happened, you’ve apologized, and together you both have moved on. 

You may very well be right – he realized you weren’t just waiting around for him to grow up and decide to be with you, which scared him because he suddenly realized he didn’t have all the time in the world.  So can you really 100% regret it?  My Fiance & I were dating exclusively but were not “official” for 4 months before I got the courage to tell him I wanted to be his girlfriend and nothing else.  We were both upset and miserable for about a week, but he wised up and now, a year later, we’re engaged.  Sometimes things like that are what it takes.

*hugs* I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, but I really don’t think you should tell him.

Post # 11
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Agree with all pp. 

Post # 12
2857 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I agree with all of the PP. Don’t tell him. I’m normally a proponent of 100% honesty and disclosure, but you didn’t cheat on him. To use a very trite expression, you were “on a break” and you did nothing wrong.

You have nothing to feel guilty for and telling him would only upset him.

Post # 13
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think you need to tell him. It’s in the past and it was when you were broken up. The fact that he couldn’t get on a plane to come see you pretty much reflects how he felt at that point. Did he ever tell you what he was doing during all that time?

Post # 14
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had bee in a very simiiar situation. I had ended up fessing up to my ex after a year of telling him the we hd only fooled around and he ended up leawving me. There is no reason to tell him any of this now.

Post # 16
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Agreed, since you weren’t really “together together” it does not need to be shared what you were doing.

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