- Silver Plum Fairy
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
A couple of months ago I wrote this on the board.
I will do a summary for you. My dad remarried over a year ago now. At first it seemed great, but then my dad wasn’t calling to make plans and often would cancel when I made plans to spend time with him and his new wife. (FYI she’s Indonesian, 20 years younger than my dad, and they were married within 6 months of when they first spoke online). I have barely seen him in the last few months and he doesn’t call or text to see how I am doing or how the wedding plans are going. Despite him knowing my brother and I are under a great deal of stress…my mom has terminal cancer..but that’s another story.
Shortly after writing my first post on this matter, I emailed my dad and told him how I felt. I tried to stay positive and focused on how I miss being part of his life, and I miss him being part of mine. I asked him if we had done anything to upset him or his wife. I told him we needed to know if we had.
He responded. He said he loved me and that we will have to work to repair the damage. He didn’t mention anything about whether or not his wife feels wronged by us in anyway.
We went for dinner a month ago. It was just me, my brother, and my dad (my request). It was nice. We didn’t discuss any of the issues. We just chatted about what was going on in our lives.
This past weekend, we made plans for a “brunch” that would include my dad and his wife, my brother and his Girlfriend, and me and my Fiance. We were running about 10 minutes late, when my dad called and let us know that my grandma would be joining (which was fine), but that they were having the meal at a restaurant. A restaurant that didn’t serve brunch…I didn’t really care that the restaurant didn’t serve brunch. I did care that he changed plans so quickly and in a timeframe that could have left us waiting at his house (that we’ve never been to before) wondering where he was. This actually happened to my brother. He was able to make it 10 minutes after we arrived because I texted him. He had been knocking on my dad’s door and looking in the windows (his phone was in his car).
So this is the part that really bothers me.
We walked into the restaurant and I see my dad, his wife and my grandma sitting at a table for 4. They knew that there would be 7 of us!!! WTF! We had to pull a near by table against their table. My Fiance felt that my dad’s wife thought this was a great inconvenience. We hugged my grandma and then my dad went up for a hug. He hugged both of us. His wife made no attempt at hugging us or fully greeting us.
We sit down and realize they have already ordered…We started chatting and my dad’s wife starts playing on her phone, when she got sick of that she would speak to my grandma, and then started to READ HER NOVEL. If that was my Fiance behaving in that way at a family meal, I would have kicked him to the curb. So ridiculously rude. She had no interest in hearing about our lives or even talking to us.
When my brother came, the rest of us ordered. My dad, his wife, and my grandma’s food came half an hour before ours. They were done eating before we received our dishes. (Poor service, but I think the server thought when she took the order that it was for only 3 guests.)
I did enjoy seeing everyone, but her. I also cannot believe that my father accepts such behaviour. He said when I made the comment about the table for 4 that that was the table they were seated at when he came in. (my grandma uses a walker and my dad dropped them off at the door before parking.) I wonder why he didn’t ask to move or bring the table closer before we arrived.
I have to admit that I made no real attempt at being very warm with my dad’s wife. I was completely thrown by her getting a table for 4 and how she made no attempt at a greeting. I know I could have initiated a hug…I didn’t want to.
I have also found out through a cousin that my dad no longer goes to the book club he used to and that he hasn’t seen many of his close friends in months. He hasn’t seen his family in months either…
My Fiance says he’s done and that he has no interest in seeing them again. It’s not that easy for me as this is my dad. I will try again and again. I hope for a different result.
What would you do?