Post # 1
So my fiance is an ogler. It’s not a passing glance at an attractive woman, which I’m fine with, but a full on turn his head and stare kind of look. For example, we were at my son’s pool party and there was an attractive woman in a bikini, and he actually made a grunting noise while looking at her (he does this when he really likes something). Then just yesterday, a young girl in a sports bra and tight pants was out running, as we’re driving by, he actually turned his head to look, then looked in the rear view mirror to keep her in his sights. There’s multiple other accounts, but to keep this short, you get the idea.
Now, I’m no prude, and people look, and that’s OK. But to me, this is blatantly disrespectful to me, and it happens everywhere we go. I’m not sure I can handle this, and I don’t think I should have to. I’m certainly not ugly by no means and it’s not insecurity, I just feel disrespected.
So…advice? Ignore, pretend I don’t care? Bring it up to him? I’m being plain stupid and it shouldn’t bother me? Whatever you got, throw it my way 🙂
Post # 2
Bring it up. Say exactly what you said here, that you feel disrespected and you don’t think you can handle this and shouldn’t have to in a relationship. If he doesn’t change, then walk. You deserve better.
Post # 3
That’s not okay. It’s not only disrespectful to you, it’s disrespectful to other women. I’ve had encounters with men like you’ve described and it’s made me feel like an object. Women deserve respect and grunting approval at them isn’t a way to do it.
It needs to be addressed, but I have no advice on how to do it. How do you generally handle disagreements/critiques?
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s healthy to police your SO’s behavior, but there’s no harm in having a conversation about your feelings. You should always be able to talk about your feelings with your SO, sensical or not. Maybe he doesn’t realize he’s doing it, maybe he is willing to put effort into not doing it so much. Then, decide what you can handle.
Post # 5
no offense but your fiance sounds creepy AF… grunting a women eww
Post # 6
This would drive me crazy. I have no insecurities about my own looks, but if my fiance was blatantly checking out other woman in front of me 24/7, I would begin to have insecurities about his loyalty and faithfulness to me, not to mention his respect for me. I would definitely have a convo with him about this if you haven’t yet. Just be honest with him and use ‘when you do X, it makes me feel X” language. If he gets super defensive that’s not a good sign……this is a completely valid complaint, and he should be willing to address.
Post # 7
Ugggh, oglers. My DH has a friend who does that. It’s so uncomfortable. You’ve never said anything to him? Definitely bring it up, he might not even be aware that it’s so obvious.
Post # 8
Took the words right out my mouth. Major yuck, sounds like neanderthal material.
Post # 9
WTF….how could he possibly think this is okay? If he doesnt have basic self control with his eyes while around me, I would wonder about other things. I couldnt deal.
Post # 10
He grunts when he checks out an attractive female??? Seriously????? I have no advice because I wouldn’t have stuck around after the first time he did that.
Post # 11
Ahhhhh the grunt. I know that sound – my Fiance does that if he sees a pretty girl on tv xD I just laugh at him. As for the whole head turning blatantly staring thing, that’s just not right and completely disrespectful.
Post # 12
There’s nothing wrong with looking, but staring at someone and grunting is pushing it….I’d grab a video or a photo of it the next time he did it and point out to him how unevolved he appears to be.
Post # 13
My Brother-In-Law is like this. Of course, he also cheats on my SIL.
So take from that what you will.
Post # 14
I am usually the one to point out girls to my husband, and don’t really mind if he glances at someone. However, grunting and lingering by using mirrors to see another female!? HELLLLL NO. I’m sorry, that is really gross. I don’t even know what I would say or do since that’s his personality, and whether he acts more discrete or not, that’s who he is.