(Closed) I have an ogler….advice?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

Bring it up. Say exactly what you said here, that you feel disrespected and you don’t think you can handle this and shouldn’t have to in a relationship. If he doesn’t change, then walk. You deserve better. 

Post # 3
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
just4thefunuvit:  That’s not okay. It’s not only disrespectful to you, it’s disrespectful to other women. I’ve had encounters with men like you’ve described and it’s made me feel like an object. Women deserve respect and grunting approval at them isn’t a way to do it.

It needs to be addressed, but I have no advice on how to do it. How do you generally handle disagreements/critiques?

Post # 4
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s healthy to police your SO’s behavior, but there’s no harm in having a conversation about your feelings. You should always be able to talk about your feelings with your SO, sensical or not. Maybe he doesn’t realize he’s doing it, maybe he is willing to put effort into not doing it so much. Then, decide what you can handle.

Post # 5
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

no offense but your fiance sounds creepy AF… grunting a women eww

Post # 6
Member
7595 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This would drive me crazy. I have no insecurities about my own looks,  but if my fiance was blatantly checking out other woman in front of me 24/7, I would begin to have insecurities about his loyalty and faithfulness to me, not to mention his respect for me. I would definitely have a convo with him about this if you haven’t yet. Just be honest with him and use ‘when you do X, it makes me feel X” language. If he gets super defensive that’s not a good sign……this is a completely valid complaint, and he should be willing to address.

Post # 7
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

Ugggh, oglers.  My DH has a friend who does that.  It’s so uncomfortable.  You’ve never said anything to him?  Definitely bring it up, he might not even be aware that it’s so obvious.

Post # 8
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
ktsteimel:  Took the words right out my mouth. Major yuck, sounds like neanderthal material.

Post # 9
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

WTF….how could he possibly think this is okay? If he doesnt have basic self control with his eyes while around me, I would wonder about other things. I couldnt deal.

Post # 10
Member
3535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

He grunts when he checks out an attractive female???  Seriously?????  I have no advice because I wouldn’t have stuck around after the first time he did that.

Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Ahhhhh the grunt. I know that sound – my Fiance does that if he sees a pretty girl on tv xD I just laugh at him. As for the whole head turning blatantly staring thing, that’s just not right and completely disrespectful. 

Post # 12
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
just4thefunuvit:  There’s nothing wrong with looking, but staring at someone and grunting is pushing it….I’d grab a video or a photo of it the next time he did it and point out to him how unevolved he appears to be.

Post # 13
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My Brother-In-Law is like this. Of course, he also cheats on my SIL. 

So take from that what you will.

Post # 14
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee

I am usually the one to point out girls to my husband, and don’t really mind if he glances at someone. However, grunting and lingering by using mirrors to see another female!? HELLLLL NO. I’m sorry, that is really gross. I don’t even know what I would say or do since that’s his personality, and whether he acts more discrete or not, that’s who he is.

Post # 15
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

Yeah, this is a big NO.

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