(Closed) I have an overly competitive friend…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ahh, this is a tough situation and I kind of know the trouble you might come against because I’m experiencing the same with a friend at the moment. Keep in mind that this friend has been with her boyfriend less than half the time I’ve been with Fiance, but whatever!

Unfortunately, there’s not a lot you can do. You’ll have to carry on with your plans, and hope that she’s happy for you and comes around. Brace yourself for lots of snark, and possibly a bit of disinterest. I try not to keep wedding related conversation to a minimum and just discuss whenever she brings it up.

I find my friend is more interested in talking about her dream wedding at this stage, rather than enquiring about my real wedding. It gets irritating, but at the end of the day you just have to carry on; you can’t hold up your plans and wait for her! There will be a lot of other people who will be happy for you, so just bask in that and try to be sensitive to her neerds.

Post # 4
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Ofcourse, she may be a little jealous (it can be hard not to be in situations like this) but if she ruins your friendship over the fact that your SO was ready to take the next stop before her SO, well.. you are better off without her.

 

With that said, I would be conscious of her feelings. Don’t go flashing your ring in her face every chance you get and talk non-stop about your plans. Sure, mention them but just don’t make it the only thing you talk about. If she is a real friend, she will be able to handle it.

Post # 5
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So what if you get engaged before her? She honestly doesn’t sound like a great friend. Even if she is bitter that she doesn’t have a rock yet, she shouldn’t be taking it out on you.

Post # 6
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Anise:  +1

@Missykate:  At first I thought maybe she was just razzing  you, but then I read the parts about her embarrassing her SO about it in public and on social media, and that changed my opinion.  While I like a little healthy competition, this is really not one of those things that is a “race.”  I’d do what others have said: just let it ride. I hope she can move past envy and be supportive of you!

Post # 7
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I have one of those. Just do your thing, if she gets jealous, you can’t help it. 

Post # 8
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Missykate:  i wouldn’t be friends with this person. period.

Post # 9
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Missykate:  There’s nothing like being involved in a one-sided competition! Lol, I have 2 competitive acquaintances…they’re a couple. They’re definitely not my friends and the only reason we’re associated is because the guy is close friends with Fiance. But they compete with our relationship in every way by always trying to one-up everything we do, giving unsolicited advice about our relationship as if they’re experts and we need to learn from them (which is always comical), and pretty much copying things we do and broadcasting it like they were the originators. It was pretty obvious they were jealous when we got engaged before them, even though they hadn’t even known each other for more than a month at that point so it was more than a little ridiculous. But we didn’t pay them any mind. Then the guy even tried to rush an engagement and his plan was EXACTLY the same setup that Fiance proposed to me…on the same milestone date…in the same setting. It never ended up happening.

 

If you do happen to get married before your friend and she takes it out on you, that’s not even right. It’s not like you have any control over when her SO proposes, so you should tell her to direct her energy toward him and not you. Friends should be able to be happy for their friends even if they wish it were them.

Post # 10
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Yep, had one of those friends.

We’re not friends anymore.

Best decision of my life.

Post # 11
Member
4162 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had a friend like this.  It was incredibly annoying as she couldn’t even be happy for me (she pretended she was, but I can read her like an open book.)

Everything became a competition…she made a comment like “I hope you get married before us so that we can see how your wedding is and make ours better” and that’s where it began.

She got engaged about 4 months before I did.  When I got engaged, she called me multiple times, over and over and over, until I answered the phone (I was at work so I couldn’t answer my cell while with clients.)  She asked me how big my diamond was, how it happened, etc. 

When I went to visit her for the first time after my engagement, she opened her front door and immediately held our hands up next to each other and kept looking back and forth at our rings to see who’s was bigger.  (For the record, mine was lol.)  I was like ummm can I step inside?! 

She ended up spending over $40,000 on her wedding, including the honeymoon and told us that there was no way we could stay within our $13,000 budget (not including honeymoon) and have a better wedding than hers.  Well guess what…we did.  I know everyone thinks their wedding is better than the next persons, and I wouldn’t say ours was better, but we had just as nice of a wedding for less than half the price.

Post # 12
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Missykate:  If you wait she may never get engaged because if she keeps embarassing her SO about getting engaged and married in front of everyone, he might just leave her.  I wouldn’t put up with that and if a guy friend of mine was being arassed by his Girlfriend for a ring to the point of being embarassed every time we go out to have a good time, I would probably tell him to dump her.  It just sounds like she is a miserable person to deal with in general.

Post # 13
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My best advice is to just ignore her comments like that and don’t let her bother you.  My best friend is EXACTLY the same way.  My Fiance proposed in August 2011 and she didn’t stop talking about how she thought she would be engaged first and she can’t wait to plan her wedding, blah blah blah.  We booked our venue and all of our vendors by January and surprise, she was proposed to in February.  Surprise again, her wedding is only a few months after mine. 

Now with all the wedding planning she has gone above an beyond with what she thinks are her “MOH duties” because she needs all of the attention to be on her and she needs to be given credit for everything she does.  Both her and her mom have gone out of their way to let me know that she has been “so busy” doing things for my wedding that she has no time to plan her own.  How is this my fault at all? Also, she has only actually helped me ONCE for a few hours to print my seating cards.  She always feels like she has to have something better and do something more extreme.  She is always going one for one, if I call her to tell her something, she has to make herself the center of attention and tell me something about herself and then continue on and on about something involving her. 

I do not have a competitive bone in my body so it’s hard for me, like it seems to be for you too.  I have distanced myself from her over the years and just tried my best to be the bigger person and ignore her stupidity.

ETA: Her mother also said to my bridesmaids after my bridal shower that she was glad “the trial run” was over so that now we could focus on “the real thing”!

Post # 14
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Without giving too much away, let me say: I feel you! Don’t let her rain on your parade. 

Post # 16
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

These jealous girls make things so hard, esp when its a close, or even a best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was engaged for about two years before I got to start planning my wedding. We saved and saved, and knew we wanted it a certian way, and were willing to wait unti it was possible for us. Ive been activaly planning now for about 8 months and my wedding is 6 weeks away (yay!).

But…

i had a friend.. a best friend… she lives with her “husband” who was really not her husband, but they live together, have two children, and she wears a wedding band and they have been together for 8 years. He, for some reason, will not and has not purposed or been willing to give her the wedding she wanted so much (shes very simple too, and wouldnt ever have expected something elbaorate). Although, he has money, quite a bit actually, so finances werent the issue.. anyway… when I FINALLY got to start planning (after two years of being engaged and waiting- you can imagine how excited my Fiance and I were to finally be able to get married).. I of course, ask her to be my MOH! I thought she would be so happy and excited, just like I was.. but, not so much. She made snarky comments, wouldnt show up for appointments, and even started picking fights with me about silly things from when we were 8 years old (we had been friends since we were ittle girls!)! I even told her once just in conversation “maybe this wedding will help RH(her boyfriend, man she lived with, father to her children..) start to get wedding fever! This could be great for us both!” And she shot me a look from hell like i had just said something terrible!?

To make a long story short, she ened up not showing up to shop for dresses with me, and left me at dress appt, alone. I told her i was hurt, and ask her why she was doing this, isnt she happy for me? i didnt understand… she told me i was a selfish friend, a horrible person, and that she had secretly hated me for years? Needless to say.. we havent spoke since that conversation, and it hurt me really bad. 

Im sorry about your friend, and i hope it turns out ok, if she loves you, really, really loves you her heart wont LET her be mean and jealous.. and if she is, that is just so sad, for her. She will miss out on such a wonderful, happy time and so much joy and celebrating. Her loss, and you will have only lost a person who didnt have your best interest at heart.

I hope she doesnt do what so many jealous friends do, and lose you simply because she cant watch you be happy.

I wish you so much happiness! And a beauiful engagment and wedding! *cheers to love* 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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