(Closed) I have given up marriage for my boyfriend. Will I regret this?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He is giving you empty words. Is that really the foundation of a healthy relationship? Marriage sounds important to you. Don’t change your beliefs for this guy.

“This could go kaput at any time.” I would not be able to live like that for the rest of my life. I’m sorry. 

Post # 3
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You are not fulfilled by this and you are lying to yourself.  I’d leave.  You want marriage, he doesn’t.  bye.

Post # 4
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is such a painful “Woe is me” post I couldn’t even get through it.  Leapyear was yesturday, you missed you chance.

j/k pop the question yourself you don’t need leap year.  Leave if he says no, not worth your time. And please stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take your fate into your own hands.

Post # 5
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee

I am pretty sure he lied about wanting kids, too. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  SLOBee.
Post # 6
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
craigslistgirl:  I agree with your post. 

“This could go kaput any time…”. Op you all don’t sound very committed despite your “love.”  Yes I think you may regret this relationship. You need to figure that out. 

I know someone who waited 15 years before she was proposed to. Then she could never have kids. Figure out what’s most important to you. It won’t be easy, but being honest with yourself is worth it. 

Post # 7
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Walk. This isn’t what you want, it’s what you’ve convinced yourself to settle for and that is not okay. You wanted certain things out of life and you were upfront about them. He agreed he wanted those same things and until you had your civil conversation, continued to claim he wanted those things. If he had a change of heart that’s okay (it happens) but he should have been honest with you from the start if he didn’t want those things, or honest with you if he did want them at one point but feels differently now. His inability to be honest with you about something so important is a problem, no matter how nice he is or how helpful he is around the house.

Don’t give up marriage and kids if they are important to you. Find someone who is on the same page and truly wants the same things that you do. You owe that to yourself.

Post # 8
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
aworldelsewhere:  wow! I was you literally about 6 or 7 months ago. Wonderful man all the right qualities wants to marry me and have children blah blah blah but could not have a solid date for me. Like you, all of those feelings actually brought me to weddingbee.com for my first post. I will say there are wonderful bees on here that will definitely give you support and guidance so please continue being honest and we will all try to help you through this. Now if you are okay not getting married then there’s no need to worry but obviously it seems to be a big deal for you and therefore you should not compromise something that is a huge deal. I know you know that there is so much pain and heartache and many nights crying as your partner is asleep next to you, heart-wrenching conversations worried that you may drive your partner away with marriage talk however you just can’t seem to help yourself as everyday and everything is a constant reminder of the fact that you are not married. You feel like a crazy person.  Don’t have thoughts of worry or unworthiness. I know this is easier said than done but trust me it can all work out. I don’t know what the solution is for you personally but for me I ended up having to leave. But I will say that all did work out in the end. I don’t believe that things worked out because I left but I do believe that he was given the time alone to really work on issues that he didn’t even know he had. Please PM me if you need any guidance. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 9
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

If you were really the love of his life, he would marry you. 

Post # 10
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Some people are okay with this scenario, and they can give up a dream like marriage and still be happy. But Hun, you’re not happy. You say you have a great relationship, but how long until this eats away at the dark deep corners of your heart and out into the open, where it breeds resentment and hostility? You could be the two most perfect, compatible people in the world but with such different life goals it still won’t work out. I don’t know if he lied to you or not, but you don’t want the same life. While this might be okay for someone else, YOU are obviously very not okay with it and you need to consider walking away. I think you’d regret it immensely of you didn’t. 

Post # 11
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It’s obvious that marriage and having children are still important to you. Why change your beliefs for him, someone who “claimed” he wanted these same things, yet does otherwise, someone who’s not on the same page as you? You’re obviously very sad and finding it hard to let go and leaving behind what you truly want. Don’t do something you know you’ll regret. Go find your true happiness with the right man.

Post # 12
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think you are as okay with this as you are trying to convince yourself you are.

 

You basically suggested making your relationship less serious and he agreed. There is a big difference between “we aren’t getting married but this is permanent” and “this relationship could go kaput at any time so let’s look out for ourselves, okay?”

 

ETA: I’m not meaning to say that keeping some cash in reserve and not moving for his work is a bad idea, I think it’s very smart in your situation. But I don’t think he’s treating you like the love of his life. He’s treating you like someone he likes okay, but isn’t willing to close off other options for.

 

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  hyacinths.
Post # 13
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I have given up marriage for my boyfriend. Will I regret this?

Your title says it all. 

Post # 15
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry you are going through this. The pain you are feeling comes through.

It’s obvious that marriage and kids are things that you want. Do not give up your dreams because he doesn’t want the same things. Don’t build your life into something that makes you sad just because he envisions a different life for HIMSELF. It is crystal clear that he doesn’t really want to get married, after your conversation. He probably also doesn’t want kids, and even if he does, building a functional, stable, happy family structure with the loosely committed type of relationship you guys discussed sounds like it would be extremely difficult.

This way lies sadness. Instead of giving up the life you want for someone who doesn’t want to commit to you, I think it makes sense to make a clean break so you can find someone who can’t wait to marry you and have kids with you. 

Good luck, OP.

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