(Closed) I have hesitations about a heirloom engagement rings.

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 4
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

I had a co-worker that had a yellow gold ring which she would take to be rhodium dipped every few months so that it had the same look as white gold. You have to do this with WG rings too, but with the YG, you’d have to do it much more frequently, since the metal is farther away from the rhodium color. But, that would solve the YG/WG issue anyway.

As far as losing it, I don’t know, just try and be super careful. Obviously your Fiance and his family trust you, so perhaps you should trust yourself!

Post # 5
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Moved it for you.

Is this something you think he would talk to you about? If so, telling him your fear as about it may be the best way. Somewhere there is a solution, maybe resetting the stone or something. 

Post # 6
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Waitingbee57: Aw poor you!  I think the yellow gold issue is the only real thing you should worry about.  If you truly hate it and don’t think you could learn to love it, why not get it reset?  Once the ring is given to your fiance, it is HIS (and yours) to do with what you want.  Reset the diamond in a new setting, replace the diamond in that setting, etc etc.  I’m sure his grandma would want it to be passed on in some form and loved, rather than worn grudgingly.

Worrying about losing it: my solution is just DON’T take it off!  Mine’s not big enough that it gets in the way of almost anything I do.  Gold and diamonds are hardy – you can wash dishes or shower or run or whatever wearing it.  And obviously get it insured just in case.

Family resentment: again, it’s now HIS ring and if anyone has a problem with that, they’re living in denial.  Plus, if it was hotly contested, I feel like it wouldn’t have been sitting unused for some time.  As long as you’re a great wife to your Fiance, I’m sure his family will love that you wear it.

My ring was my great-grandmother’s and grandmother’s <3  Honestly I really love the setting and the size of the diamond (0.7 carat).  Losing it was the only hestitation, but I just don’t take it off unless I have to. 

Post # 7
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My center stone is an heirloom–it’s been passed down through 4 generations, but it’s been re-set for the bride each time. I think that’s a nice tradition, because you get both the history of the heirloom and also something special for you! Could you do that? I would put out some feelers first before definitively saying that’s what you want to do.

I also never take mine off, and yes, I am a bit paranoid about losing it.

If someone resents you guys, that’s their problem!! It belongs to you two now!

Here’s mine:

Post # 11
437 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@Waitingbee57:  This might be a weird idea but what if you had an Ering made in platnium modelled on the heirloom ring? That way you’re honouring the ring, dont having to worry abut family resentment (althought tbh I dont think you should worry about that even if you do get the ring!) and have a ring that has your own twist

Post # 12
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

View original reply
@Waitingbee57:  Thank you and good luck!! I’m sure you will love the ring once it’s yours!

Post # 14
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Waitingbee57:  To be honest I would not want an heirloom ring. To me the process of him picking out a ring is very important. I think it can lead to uncomfortable situations (Like why did she have it? What if don’t like it?) I generally thinks it’s better to pass down these things to a grandaughter or a female relative.

Maybe it would be best to use a gem in the family from something else (necklace..) and have it reset.

Post # 15
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Waitingbee57:  I had a similar situation with my FI’s grandmother’s ring.  We went through the same thing where we decided to get engaged, but then took the ring and waited to make it official until we decided if we’d resize and use her ring, or reset the diamond into a new setting. 

My biggest hesitation initially was that it wasn’t a setting that I picked out and I’m super picky.  That said, I also HATE yellow gold, but fortunately mine is platinum. As we were making this decision, I kept saying, “It would be so much easier if I hated it or it was ugly.”  I wasn’t instantly crazy about the vintage setting, but it was pretty.  Ultimately, I decided that I loved the sentiment of it too much not to keep it, and honestly it’s grown on me so much.  I love it now, and while I know vintage rings are very in right now, I was NEVER into them before.  Now that my ring has grown on me and I love it so much, my tastes have shifted so much towards the more vintage style rings.  So even though I only started liking but nto loving the aesthtic and keeping it for the sentiment, I really love it now.

Other issues that have come up for me, which I don’t know if it will apply to you are: the old European cut stones tend to be warmer than the modern brilliant stones.  Sometimes I don’t see it at all and it looks clear and shiny, and sometimes I see the warmth and it bugs me, but that is typical of older cut stones.

Also I hate the “gap” and while many of the newer settings the stones sit high up and this allows a band to easily sit next to the e-ring, a lot of the vintage settings have lower set stones, which, at least for mine, means that the side of the ring isn’t straight and so I’m having a hell of a time matching the shape without too much of a gap. 

I don’t know if you’d have this same problem with the shape, but you may with the color.  Even if you decide that you’re okay with the yellow gold (which, honestly, for me, I don’t think I could “get okay with,” I hate it that much), you will still have to pick a wedding band that matches and looks good with it– you only wear the e-ring alone for a year or two, but you wear your “brial set” potentially forever (unless you decided to change later, but I don’t like thinking of it like that personally).   So I would also consider what you want your wedding band and wedding set to look like and if you’re going to want to match metals, if it will make you more upset to have a second yellow gold ring, if you’re okay mixing metals, if you want to dip it like PPs suggested, etc.  

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