Post # 17
@speechgal44: i do think it’s wonderful that a man makes his children a priority but are you telling us that he pays his ex child support for 2 children that don’t even live with her??? am i reading this correctly, one child lives with her bf, how old is she? the other child lives with biological family. what does that mean? his mother’s family?? if this is the case can your fi go through the courts to ensure that the child support is going to the children?
unfortunately, you knew what you were getting into. this is what you signed up for. you need to sit down with your fi and figure out a household budget. if you need a new car, then why don’t you get yourself a car with your money?
Post # 19
i think he needs to get the child support order fix accodingly to the fact his children are of age to be on their own and not be paid the amount to the ex
Post # 18
1) I disagree with other posters that the kids come first. Kids model their own relationships over that of their parents’ – we should be teaching kids that the person we love and choose to spend the rest of our lives with comes first. Yes, the kids are important, but not above and beyond our spouse.
2) He needs to get with his lawyer and they need to figure out how to renegotiate the child support, or discuss what is actually in the custody paperwork. Is he still going to pay child support when the last kid turns 18 and moves out? I hope not!
3) The one good thing is that your finances aren’t combined yet. You can start your own savings account or pool and start funnelling away money to get yourself a new car, even if it’s only $20 a week or whatever. You shouldn’t be bugging him to buy you a new car, and it’s unfair of him to tell you what to do with your own money you earn.
4) Does he know how unspecial and unloved he is making you feel? If he does and refuses to change, then he’s disrespectful. If he doesn’t, then maybe the discussion would enlighten him.
Post # 20
While I can sympathize with you, I think maybe you need to re-think the wedding and marriage. If this is causing issues now and you guys have separate accounts and aren’t married, just imagine what will happen when you combine finances. If talking to him (at the very least him letting you know first when he’s giving up ‘extra’ money) so you can be aware of it won’t work, then there will be issues in the future.
And just fyi: his kids will always come first, yes, even before you. You should never feel like like an outsider but you have to understand that his kids are his responsibility and just because he left their mom, does not mean he should ‘leave them behind’ too. Not that you want that but you are going to have to be Ok with coming after his kids for years to come.
Post # 21
@reebee: what do you do when he only cares about his kids and pretty much says screw your kids or family. I need some advice on that.
Post # 22
To answer a few questions-
I. I believe the way the child support agreement is written, he has to pay until they are 22 or finish 4 years of college, whichever comes first. His twin daughters (two out of the 3) will be 22 next March. His son is 18.
2. His one daughter is 21 and lives with her boyfriend and his parents and she works 40 hours a week.
3. His son is adopted but has maintained a relationship with his biological family, so he is now living with them. I believe if we went to court we could get the child support sent directly to the children, but Fiance doesn’t want to do that since it would take forever to get through the court system.
I totaly support Fiance in wanting to take care of his children. It’s one of the things I love most about him. I just feel like we are paying twice because he just wants to wait until next spring and get them all off child support at once. He wants to give money to his kids because he knows the ex isn’t doing it. It’s really the ex wife who is pissing me off because she is raking in the cash and providing nothing for those kids.