(Closed) I have hit the wall….sort of long.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@speechgal44:  i do think it’s wonderful that a man makes his children a priority but are you telling us that he pays his ex child support for 2 children that don’t even live with her???  am i reading this correctly, one child lives with her bf, how old is she?  the other child lives with biological family.  what does that mean?  his mother’s family??  if this is the case can your fi go through the courts to ensure that the child support is going to the children?

unfortunately, you knew what you were getting into.  this is what you signed up for.  you need to sit down with your fi and figure out a household budget.  if you need a new car, then why don’t you get yourself a car with your money? 

Post # 19
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i think he needs to get the child support order fix accodingly to the fact his children are of age to be on their own and not be paid the amount to the ex

Post # 18
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

1) I disagree with other posters that the kids come first.  Kids model their own relationships over that of their parents’ – we should be teaching kids that the person we love and choose to spend the rest of our lives with comes first.  Yes, the kids are important, but not above and beyond our spouse.

2) He needs to get with his lawyer and they need to figure out how to renegotiate the child support, or discuss what is actually in the custody paperwork.  Is he still going to pay child support when the last kid turns 18 and moves out?  I hope not!

3) The one good thing is that your finances aren’t combined yet.  You can start your own savings account or pool and start funnelling away money to get yourself a new car, even if it’s only $20 a week or whatever.  You shouldn’t be bugging him to buy you a new car, and it’s unfair of him to tell you what to do with your own money you earn.

4) Does he know how unspecial and unloved he is making you feel?  If he does and refuses to change, then he’s disrespectful.  If he doesn’t, then maybe the discussion would enlighten him.

Post # 20
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

While I can sympathize with you, I think maybe you need to re-think the wedding and marriage.  If this is causing issues now and you guys have separate accounts and aren’t married, just imagine what will happen when you combine finances.  If talking to him (at the very least him letting you know first when he’s giving up ‘extra’ money) so you can be aware of it won’t work, then there will be issues in the future.

And just fyi: his kids will always come first, yes, even before you.  You should never feel like like an outsider but you have to understand that his kids are his responsibility and just because he left their mom, does not mean he should ‘leave them behind’ too.  Not that you want that but you are going to have to be Ok with coming after his kids for years to come.

Post # 21
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2022

@reebee:  what do you do when he only cares about his kids and pretty much says screw your kids or family.  I need some advice on that.

 

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