Post # 1
I am going to give this waiting thing 6 more months (which puts us at Valentine’s day conveniently and 2 days past our 2 and a half year anniversary) and then there are going to be some tough decisions made. So no more nagging and especially no more passive aggressive b*#^@%*g and moaning from me. I am going to enjoy the relationship and try really hard to put all of my anxiety and heartache over the lack of proposal and our future not getting any closer out of my head.
Oh and to be clear this is a deadline for me only, not one I am going to share with him. Now I just have to find the strength to stick to my guns and not let his “hints” about the future suck me back into feeling hopeless and helpless. I wish there was a nice way to say “NO MORE wedding hints until you MEAN IT!!”
Wish me luck on staying strong!
Post # 3
Nice! very good timing- past and anniversary and Vday! Good for you!!
Post # 4
Great idea! Maybe he will see that you are relaxed and it will make him do it sooner! You never know! Congrats on your decision and I hope with all my heart it happens for you so that you dont need to go through this again in 6 months!!!!
Post # 5
@impatientlywaiting20: Sometimes it is easier to just say, “No more hints until the real deal.” I told SO this and was kinda mean, I said that &&& “I don’t want to hear anymore nonsense.” He took it kinda hard. That was a week ago. Today he asked me my ring size! Sometimes a push is good.
Post # 6
Good luck and stay strong!
Post # 7
@impatientlywaiting20: Good for you! Taking charge of your life is a good thing. Try to use the next 6 months as a time to be free of engagement worry. Good luck!
Post # 8
It’s good that you’ve set a timeline. Why did you choose 2.5 years? I set my timeline at 3.5 years because that’s the point at which the odds of him ever proposing drop drastically.
My deadline is shortly after our third anniversary and our fourth V Day together. There won’t be another occasion when he might propose for at least another six months, so if he hasn’t proposed by that point I’ll cut my losses and end the relationship. My SO is aware of this timeline though, because I don’t want him claiming he’s been blindsided when I leave, and saying he didn’t even know I was unhappy or wanted a commitment, etc. He knows how long he has to make a decision about our future, so hopefully that will encourage him to think seriously about it.
Post # 9
Good, and congrats. You are a wonderful lady, and maybe just maybe, he’ll start to think about things and realize you are the perfect lady for him. Then I hope, *fingers crossed* he gets his butt in gear. Good luck sweetie. *hugs*
Post # 10
You can joke around and tell him “less talk, more action!” lol. But seriously, I have been known to tell a guy that “talk is cheap,” meaning that I will refuse to entertain any hypothetical wedding talk without a ring. In the past I let myself fall for a guy that was all talk (not saying this is your situation) so I’m more militant about watching a person’s actions rather than their words. I don’t think that it would be bad in your situation if you told him you’d prefer to shelve the wedding talk until your ring finger is sparkling.
Post # 11
Good for you best of luck,
Post # 12
Thanks to all of you for all the support-much appreciated!
@Gorjuss: I chose that timing because if he doesn’t propose by this time next year we won’t be getting married until 2015 and in our situation that might be too late. Here is a little background…I am 34 with 2 kids (ages 5 and 7) he is 43 with an 8 year old. Due to logistics I would be moving in with him to a town half an hour from where we currently live and 45 minutes from my kids dad. I really can’t see how I can move my kids after they get to a certain age. I don’t want them to have to move when they are in 5th or 6th grade. So my daughter is in second grade this year which means the clock is ticking…stinks to have these logistical deadlines but it is what it is. And while my SO isn’t aware of this actual timeline (the 6 months from now) he does know that my patience is wearing thin lol! And I don’t think I would totally dump him cold turkey at 6 months I think I would just tell him that we clearly aren’t moving in the same direction and that until he is ready to move in that direction we need to take a break. Maybe that is dumping him, I don’t know…I guess what I mean to do is initiate some serious talks in 6 months and tell him I can’t just hold on much longer. It is just so hard :o( I’m really just heartbroken that when I reminded him that I needed to be engaged for a year and that 2013 was off the table he was fine with it. Which means he is ok with 2 more years of this. Taking away hope for 2013 really hit me hard, 2014 just seems so far away.
I’m glad that I’m not the only one that gets fed up with the all talk no action thing! I will definitely consideri using some of your lines next time it comes up! I was proud of myself this morning, SO tried to give me money for gas and I refused. He is super generous and makes more money and is more secure than me so he has helped me out A LOT over the last couple years (bought me a car which we just sold and paid my first month rent and deposit on my apt., took the kids and I to Disney…the list goes on and on) but when I was accepting all of that I thought that we were definitely going to be engaged soon. I can’t take anymore help until I have a ring on my finger and respect myself. He isn’t happy with that decision because he doesn’t like seeing me struggle but I have to put my foot down!
Post # 13
@impatientlywaiting20: Good luck!! You can totally do this!! LOL @ “So no more nagging and especially no more passive aggressive b*#^@%*g and moaning from me.” Yeah, that’s me!
SO:”Hey baby, lets go on a weekend ski trip with my work friends and their wives.”
ME: “I don’t want to be the only girlfriend there, it’s awkward.”
SO: “All the guys at work know we are PRACTICALLY married.”
ME: “I don’t think we have any business going until we are fully committed. And we aren’t practically married. It is presumptuous of you to assume we are getting married before you have asked me.”
At least I’m being honest? lol
Seriously though, I think it’s a good plan!! And if you feel the need to nag, you have us bees!! You got this!!!
Post # 14
Sounds good. But I’m also not opposed to letting them know you have some ideas of where things might go if he doesn’t propose! Lol!
I just recently told my boyfriend of 6 years that if he doesn’t do it soon, that I won’t be his girlfriend for very much longer! And seriously, I’m getting fed up with the waiting, ha.
Post # 15
Haha – love you ladies – yup! My Bf keeps hinting at a proposal/wedding and I just laid down the line last week – “I refuse to discuss anything wedding-related unless there’s a ring on my finger”. Lol! Gotta love age sometimes – I’ve certainly grown up from where I was 5 years ago – grovelling my ex for a ring that never came. And it makes him want to propose all the more to show that he’s serious!
Post # 16
Wow, OP, I am so impressed with both your decision and your cutting back on accepting financial help. What an amazing example you are setting for your children about loving, responsible, and respectful behavior. You are a catch for any guy. I hope it works out with your man!