Post # 1
We have been in the "school/ moving around/ working hard to get financially stable" stage for years, so we haven’t made any friends while together- and we are both socially handicapped anyway. He has old friends he wants to invite, but I don’t. (Yes, I was one of those girls that "fell off the face of the earth" when I met my FI) Now I have no one to be my BMs. Which option do you recommend?
1)- Have no BMs, but then he can’t have GMs
2)- Ask my current SILs and/or his sis- even though we are, none of us, remotely close (even possible that one or both actually dislike me, so, sure to be awkward at best)
3)- Try to locate BFFs from my past that I haven’t spoken to in 10-18 years so that it looks like I have friends (which just sounds pathetic)
4)- Put an ad out for new friends? (Paris Hilton BFF show meets "I love you, Man") Would you answer an ad like that? I don’t know if I would.
Perhaps a super-small wedding needs no BMs or GMs? But if you don’t have all the traditional "stuff"- (BMs, church, large guest list, people who will dance at reception) -how do you make it special??
Post # 3
How small of a wedding are you planning? I don’t think you need Bridesmaid or Best Man or Groomsmen if you don’t want them. Can you each pick a family member to "stand up" with you. Mom/Dad/Aunt/Uncle? That way, it’s not gender specific, and it’s just one special person to stand up at the front with you. Don’t pick people to be your wedding party if you don’t feel particularly close.
Post # 4
While a wedding party is always optional, I think it might be a great opportunity to become closer to your sisters-in-law by asking them to be your bridesmaids. That being said, I would be cautious not to put too much of a burden on them in terms of throwing a shower or bachelorette party, but it might give you a chance to be better connected to them. Friends come and go, but family is forever!
Post # 5
You don’t need bridesmaids & groomsmen! We didn’t have any at ours. We had a small wedding on the beach with the people that we are CLOSEST to, which is what it’s really all about right? Why would you want to have people standing up there with you, that you aren’t close with & that don’t play a big role in your your life? Just to follow a"tradition"? I say skip it, make your own rules & do what YOU feel comfortable with!
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I vote no bridal party. You don’t need em. And it really sounds like you’re the small-wedding type to me, which is great because you’ll save money and you’ll be surrounded by only those who are most special to you and your fiance.
Sweetie, there’s TONS Of ways to make a small wedding special. Check this out:
Lots of great "small wedding porn" there.
"Stuff" doesn’t make a wedding special. Without all that extra stuff, you can do what you want with your budget. With the money you save from skipping it, you can buy your dream dress. Or rent a beautiful old car. Or heck, save it for a spectacular honeymoon or something else you and your hubby-to-be have been pining for. (Mr. MJ and i bought a house instead of a wedding )
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2009 - The 19th Century Club
Do whatever makes you most comfortable! I know of some people who have had their families stand up with them in lieu of a bridal party.
You could do just one person on each side (maybe a nice way to involve his sister?).
Do you really have to have anyone? As long as you have someone to sign the marriage license, then technically you’re ok, right? No one says there has to be a wedding party!
I just think you don’t want to force it and end up dealing with a group of girls who aren’t incredibly close to you and then you have to try and make everyone happy with dresses, hair, etc. Or, you could look at it on the flip side and see this as an opportunity to get closer to his sister and your SIL’s.
But at the end of the day, you should end up with a situation that feels most comfortable to you and makes you the happiest!
Post # 8
You need to feel comfortable on your wedding day, so asking people who you don’t know or aren’t close with might just stress you out. I say don’t worry about having BM’s, use your Mom, Aunt or Gmom to talk about wedding details with. Let him have groomsmen if there are close family/friends he wants to ask, don’t worry about it being uneven. It will work out better than you think!
Post # 9
I’m going to vote no wedding party on this one too. Of course do what’s most comfortable to you. There is no rule that says you HAVE to have a wedding party or that the wedding party has to be even.
Everyone who made previous posts had lots of great suggestions, so I think you’ll find a solution that fits you and your Fiance best.
Post # 10
I’m like you, I also don’t have a ton of friends, and my bridal party is pretty small. If it’s important for Fiance to have his friends involved in the wedding, give them duties like usher, have them do a reading, etc.
Post # 11
I agree with the no bridal party suggestion! We didn’t have one, and we were really glad about it! Our weddings wasn’t tiny or huge (57 people), and we still did a lot of the "traditional" things you mentioned (church ceremony, dancing at the reception, etc…). Instead of having just bms walk down the aisle, we were fortunate enough to have our families walk down. My sisters, my SIL, my grandma, my nephew, our readers, our parents and we all walked down the aisle. Instead of having a best man and Maid/Matron of Honor hold the rings, we had our moms come up for the ring ceremony, where we actually needed a couple extra hands. And our moms signed our marriage certificate (which I think meant a lot to them).
I don’t think you should be uncomfortable on your wedding day by inviting someone you are not close to to stand up with you. And just because you don’t have a bridal party does not mean you have to skip a traditional wedding. Do what makes you and your Fi feel most comfortable, and your wedding will be absolutely special and perfect!
Post # 12
I vote no bridal party! We were in the reverse situation. Were we to have bridal parties mine would have been friends and his would have been just family.
We had a small wedding that was 85% family. I invited 4 of my closest girlfriends to the wedding – but they did not have any special roles. He didn’t invite anyone other than family. We had my mom and his step-dad as our matron of honor and best man – but that was all the bridal party we had. It was perfect for us!
Good luck! It’ll all work out 🙂
Post # 13
I am going to go against the grain and vote for a bridal party. It’s nice to have special people around you. Yes, I have had some drama and it made it challenging to have 7 bridesmaids. Intense right? But, now I am happy. If I were you, I would ask the sisters to be in it. It will give you a chance to bond. These people will be in your life forever and it’s time to start forging the relationship now. My friend didn’t include her sister in law and then she regretted it because they ended up becoming really close. The sister in law even threw her a shower though she wasn’t in the wedding party. 2-4 is a good number of attendents for each side.
Post # 14
Oh yeah and like someone else said, just don’t put too much on the sisters like asking them to throw you a party. Just being there will be great.
Post # 15
I’m currently dealing with this issue too—but it’s the Fiance who really doesn’t have any "current close friends". He has two guys from high school he used to be very close with, but not really anymore. They both showed up to our surprise engagement BBQ last weekend (they knew we were going to announce it-the family didn’t!) without any questions asked. Now Fiance is wondering if he should have them. I don’t know. Mixed feelings still. I love my two best friends but I fear the drama with my sister. ::sigh::
Go with your gut and make sure it’s the decision you feel right with and want.
Post # 16
California, I would ask Fiance if it’s okay you not have a bridal party. If it is, I think that’s the best solution. If he seems upset about not being able to have his old friends, I would just have it be uneven. I saw a wedding on "whose wedding is it anyway" where the bride was HAPPY to be the only girl up at the alter with the grooms whole lot of groomsmen. Talk about no chance of being shown up 😉