(Closed) I have no friends…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Since you’re moving you’ll have a new place to be in and new friends to make. One of the things I do is that I keep track of who invites me back. If they never invite me to anything then I stop inviting them. It’s easier that wayย 

Post # 17
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Beautiful place.

milabeehappy:  I’m sorry bee.. I have friends at home but, I live in a different country now, I have lived before in Europe, and in differentes cities in my home country, so I know it can be difficult to make friends.. Where i Live now I’m always alone, I have meet super nice people but, they all have families so, it’s hard to meet .. My husband isn’t here yet, I hope when he’s here, will be better.. 

although, I don’t mind going for lunch, dinne, brunch, shopping alone.. I’m mean, I reather have company but.. 

Wherre do you live? By any chance in Toronto? Maybe we could meet. =) I swear I’m a good person. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 18
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee

i feel ya. we’re only having a maid of honor and best man. keeping it simple. it’s so hard to make friends as an adult…just know you aren’t alone! 

Post # 19
Member
1804 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have made so many more friends since I started doing agility training with my dog.  Go out and do some kind of new activity.  I notice you have a dog in your profile photo, and I will tell you that dog people are very fun and friendly.  Also in my area, they are mostly women.  

Post # 20
Member
3062 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Wish I had advice to give but I can relate heavily.
I’ll be 24 this year. It probably doesn’t help that most of my work is only around people from 50+. I don’t really party and never have been into clubbing which is where I’ve seen most people pick up friends.

I have one friend that lives out of state and pretty much had jealousy issues after finding out I was seeing someone romantically (they responded by this to giving me a silent treatment before whining how they secretly cared for me more than a friend)…so that friendship died fast. The other friend pretty much used me for free babysitting for her four kids and I left that friendship after seeing her cheat on her SO/father of her kids. I had a really good male friend (saw him almost as a brother) whom got into a relationship (was so happy for him) but I guess she was threatened by our frienship so I wasn’t going to get into that. I’ve made one new friend from college last semester. Our schedules just aren’t easy to match up but, thus far, I think they’re probably the most decent friend I’ve had thus far. I think I make guy friends easier but it would be nice to have female friends.

But I do want to do some more things like some pottery wheel classes, knitting classes, and similar things once I get less busy with the wedding things and some personal things going on. So we’ll see what happens. I’m not terribly upset at not having many friends but it would be nice. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you meet some great people soon!

Post # 21
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

 

milabeehappy:  

Are you living in a new area, or have you lived there for a number of years? I think it is really hard to bust into a new social circle if you move frequently, but if you have been living in the same place for a while and still don’t have friends, do you think you are doing things to turn people off? 

Personally, I find it easy to make “acquaintances” (people to chat with, go out for drinks with, etc), but TRUE friends are few and far between…

To meet people, I think there are some great suggestions already mentioned…also – I personally hate “classes” at the gym, but I met a bunch of people taking spin class, if you have a dog – go to a dog park, go for walks (dog people love other dog people ๐Ÿ™‚ ), get to know your neighbors, even join some local Facebook groups…as weird as it sounds, I made a great group of friends from a large Facebook group a few years ago – we ended up starting our own smaller group and now get together monthly for GNO

Post # 22
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

You sound just.like.me!  I know exactly how you feel and I can totally relate!  Can we start a support group?

As far as shitty friends go, get rid of them.  You’re better off without any friends if having some friends means only having shitty ones.  A few months before my wedding I realized how crappy my then-friends were.  They were crappy friends for years and I had always tinkered with the idea of dumping them, and my now-husband always said I deserved better … but it took years of abuse for me to finally realize it and move on. And boy am I glad I did!

At first it sucked because that meant I had no one to be my bridesmaids.  I was a bit panicked, but soon realized that I really didn’t want or need anyone to stand up with my husband and me.  And I also realized that keeping crappy friends around just so I could have bridesmaids was ridiculous.  I did end-up with a maid of honor in the end, though, because my husband wanted his friend to be his best man and because a different friend of mine had stepped-up and really come through for me with wedding-related stuff.  ๐Ÿ™‚ So, it all worked out. And I still don’t regret even to this day getting rid of those “friends”. They were toxic and my life is so much better for it.

You’ll figure something out!  And in the end, nothing else matters just as long as you and your true best friend are married happily ever after!  ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 23
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

I feel the same way, milabeehappy.  I know alot of people, but don’t see them or do anything with them on a regular basis.  I never made tons of friends in college, but have a handful of general friends who were really nice.  I keep up with them through facebook and text occassionally, but that’s about it.  We’ve all graduated, and either moved off or stayed and got jobs close to home towns.  People’s lives are constantly changing.  After recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I have felt really isolated and down.  I have always heard that you have many acquaintances but very few true friends.  I’m sure if you get out and about, you’ll find some people you have common interests with and can be friends with. 

Post # 24
Member
43 posts
Newbee

Big hug for you first.

I know what you mean and how you feel. There were people I thought they were my best friends and had no doubt they are going to be my bridesmaids and guess what, I was wrong. After spending the worst wedding gown shopping with them, I went through a big breakdown and depression. I was so depressed and felt like I had noone who really cares about me the way I care about them. 

One good thing, I knew I could rely on this one person, My fiance, and I was glad I had him. No matter what, he won’t hurt me like other people hurt me. 

I talked it out with my “friends” but I don’t know. One just dissapeared after that day and I can’t even find her. She won’t even read the msg I send her. It was confusing because we were so good before I got engaged but now… things got so worse and I seriously didn’t see it coming at all. I’d say, it was the hardest time of my life since I could remember.

But hey, wedding is about you and your man after all. If nessesary, I would do the wedding without bridesmaids and groomsmen. I’m going to have a sweetheart table instead of headtable. This is also an idea for you. And always try to remember that you got your Fiance and he will love you unconditionally unlike your “friends”. Hope it makes you feel better. xoxo

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  crlnprk.
Post # 25
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

I used to be like this for like 5 years but I was also spending the majority of my time with my boyfriends who are all exes now and it wasn’t until a break up 6 months ago that I really started to invest time in my female friends. In the past, on a Saturday I would rather lay around the house than get brunch with them. Now that I’m single I choose the brunch always, I have deeper friendships than I ever had before and finally now when I get married one day I will have a large tribe of female friends. Really evaluate how much time you are spending with high quality females. I don’t invest time anymore in what was my “going out friends” of my early 20’s. Church has been the best place to meet extraordinary women!!

Post # 26
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

 I had this problem for a long time and I feel like I’m finally starting to fix it.. knock on wood. I went on the girlfriend social website and am starting to build some friendships from there. When I first got engaged I had the flakeyiest “friends” never cared to check in on me, come to things I invited them too, never asked me to hang out etc. I kept invited people to things even though the turn out would always upset me and I noticed I had 2 friends that always showed up unless there was a very valid reason. I started putting more effort into my friendship with them. Keep your head up, I thought I would never find true friends and I finally am just as my wedding is approaching (wedding is a year and a half away)

Post # 27
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Should we start a “WeddingBee meetup”?!?

I’m in the same boat, no friends, and I live near Chicago – there’s TONS of people here! Sisters are my BM’s and I almost didn’t want to ask them since they are out of sate/out of country anyway. Fiance has about 20 friends and coworkers he’s inviting to the wedding, I have one coworker that I might, maybe, not sure, possibly will invite. 

Looking for a meetup sounds like a good idea. My sister did that when she moved to AZ and it seesm to be working for her! 

Post # 28
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee

I saw something called Bumble BFF which is an app where you can apparently make friends! (I haven’t tried it so can’t vouch for it but something like that could be worth a try lovely!) xo

Post # 29
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Beegirl198805 :  I’m so sorry bee! i know how you feel. i literally have one best friend and we are trying to fix our friendship of 7 years after a fallout that was 2 months ago. Its hard, she was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but now we both agree that its not appropriate. so the only 3 BM’s im having are my three cousins…. im 22 and i only have that one friend. Fiance is my bestfriends but sometimes you need girl time. Idk why its so hard making friends. I tend to be more mature for my age so i get along really well with the women i work with that are like in their 30’s or 40’s. you could always try online, but id be careful. I joined a meetup account, and i met this woman. we clicked, both loved the same things and we got along great. i could actually see us being friends. We hung out and i met her husband and children for a brief moment. that turned into disaster. her and her husband were sharing a phone because his was broken and he ended up texting me. her and her husband and me and my Fiance were supposed to hang out, so he was asking me what games my Fiance plays. things went fine for a while, we had even planned for all of us to go to white water, but then her husband made a move on me. and that ruined that friendship. i told her and showed her the texts but she didnt believe me. long story short every time i’ve tried to make friends it just ends in disaster. so now i dont really try anymore. i was fortunate enough to meet a good friend on here. but thats about it. i wish u luck.

Post # 30
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Hello fellow bees!!! Long time lurker, first time posting.  I’m so sad that I found this board 11 months later ๐Ÿ™ I hope that you still see this message.  In over 6 months of scanning this website DAILY for ideas and advice your post was the first board that I felt compelled to comment on.  I didn’t even have an account before today, but your post made me sign up because I had to tell you that you are not alone.  While reading the original post and all of the replies that your message received, I felt as if I was reading a page from my personal journal.  I’m am going through the EXACT same issue.  I have two friends that I barely talk to once a month and I feel like a complete burden every time I reach out to them.  If I don’t call/text – I don’t hear from them.  Now to be fair – friend #1 lives in Texas (and I’m in Ohio) and friend #2 just had a baby a little over a month ago but they are always too busy to do anything … even a two second text. They never call to see how I am doing or feeling or just to chat.  Friend  #1 only calls when it benefits her, like when she is having some life crisis and needs me to talk her off the ledge (she is very dramatic, one minute she wants to marry her Boyfriend or Best Friend and the next minute she is thinking about having an affair).  Friend #2 is just so busy with the “perfect life” that she doesn’t have time for anyone else but her new baby and perfect husband.   

My husband has a HUGE circle of friends (15+) that he has known over 30 years (I am 29 and he is 37).  I am so afraid to have a formal wedding because I have no bridesmaids and no friends or family to invite to the wedding.  I almost don’t want a formal ceremony/reception because the guest count is so uneven and I’m embarrassed. It is going to be SUPER noticeable that I only have 10 guest on my side versus his 50 guest. *Side note = I’m black and my husband is white so it is going to be blatantly obvious that there are only 10 black people at this wedding LOL.   

I agree with one of the previous postings about being in a weird transitional stage.  I was once told that it is difficult to make friends because I am not in an environment of “like minded” people.  I graduated college and have not enrolled in a graduate program yet so I’m not in classes surrounded by other students.  I don’t have any children yet and most women my age have children, which (I’m told) is where you make most of friends – through your children’s friends.  So it’s just a bad place to be when trying to make friends because I don’t get out of the house unless I’m going to work or my mother’s house.  

I have so much trouble meeting/making new friends because everyone around my age already has their group of friends and I’m the oddball trying to push my way into an established group.  But I feel the exact same way as you, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and if you see this post you can always PM me because I would love to make a friend ๐Ÿ™‚  That offer goes to any of the PP as well, please reach out if you ever need anyone to talk to because I know how it feels to not have many people to reach out to.   

Hugs xoxoxo

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