- 2 years ago
- Wedding: March 2019
Not sure if I’m posting for advice, commiseration, or just to vent.
I’m almost 30 and feel like I’ve lost all direction career-wise. I did what I was supposed to do. I went to college, got a masters in education (accompanied by 40k in loans), and taught for almost 5 years. I knew from the start it wasn’t for me. I love kids, I love teaching kids, but I hate the current educational climate and the numerous hoops I had to jump through with little or no support from higher ups and parents. I also hated the constant stress of it. Teaching got so bad for me last year that I would cry most nights at the thought of having to go back the next day. I’m just not cut out for it. I’ve tried other jobs in the education field, but found no fulfillment there either. This is not the right field for me, and I’m slowly coming to terms with that.
I’ve considered going back to school, but I don’t know if that’s right for me either. I’ve thought about nursing, as both my sisters are nurses and enjoy the line of work. I like that there are many different fields in nursing. Though, admittedly, I don’t know much about them. Getting a BSN would require me to pay out of pocket for prerequisites, and then take out more loans for the actual program. I don’t really want more debt, but can’t afford to finance 2 years of school myself, even working part time. And what if after all that I don’t like nursing either?
I do have a passion that I could pursue. While in school getting my education degree, I worked at a race track galloping racehorses. I loved this job and considered leaving school to pursue it, but ended up finishing my degree instead. I live close to a racetrack now and have been talking to a couple trainers there. I have one willing to give me a shot, but I’m scared. I’m scared of being a failure in a career field I put so much money and effort into. I’m scared that I’ll burn out working 7 days a week at the track, even if it’s doing something I love. I’m scared my FH will be embarrassed that I don’t have a “real” job (of course when I brought this up, he said he wouldn’t, and he will support me in whatever decision I make–but it still feels like I’m failing somehow). I’m scared of the job insecurity and lack of career advancement. While I love this field, there is little to no time off and I don’t know what I would do for my best friend’s wedding coming up, when I want to see my sister who will be coming home from Iraq in December, for my own wedding.
I’m just so confused and I feel defeated right now. I feel like a failure with no direction. I feel like I should have it figured out by now.
I’ve managed to narrow down some options but I am still struggling majorly with this decision.
- Go back to teaching–would be a safe bet but I’d likely be unhappy.
- Pursue the job at the track I’m more passionate about–I’d like the work but risk burn out with no time off.
- Work at the track and go back to school part time–could be the best of both worlds?
Not sure what I’m looking for. Maybe just some other bees who have been in a similar situation? I’d love to hear your stories if you switched careers, or did something a little riskier. Feeling lost right now.
Thank you for reading.