(Closed) I have no idea what to do…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

i think you need to give him some time to digest the information before he is ready to talk about it. don’t force him to talk about something he is obviously shocked to learn and is probably still trying to absorb all the information. as much as you have the need to talk about it, understand his need to not talk about it right now and give it some time.

Post # 4
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My FH sounds a bit like your guy – sometimes he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings. This is a huge situation, and I’d be like you, needing to talk about it so bad to try and wrap my brain around it. My advice is, give him a few days and every so often ask him gently how he is doing and see if he’s open to talking. If you force him to discuss it, it might backfire. In the meantime, is there a girlfriend or someone you trust you can talk about it with, just to take some of the urge to discuss off your shoulders?

Post # 5
898 posts
Busy bee

I definately think you need to give him some space. He’s obviously not ready to talk about it if he’s acting like nothing is happening. He’s probably having an internal tug of war. And guys take more time to process things internally before they’re ready to talk. We, on the other hand, want to let it out pretty quickly. The time will come to talk, just be patient.

Post # 6
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think the best think to do is wait until he is ready to talk about it.  We had to deal with my Fiance parent’s divorce very early on in our relationship.  I knew something was wrong at home, but it took a while for him to open up about it.  I think it was just too uncomfortable and painful to talk about it right away.  Also, everyone deals with news like this differently.  While I was more angry about his father’s behavior, he was sadder and quieter. I agree with MsDuck, try and give it some time and just let him know you will be there when he needs to talk.

Post # 8
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

This is very difficult – trust me, as someone who has gone through this firsthand, give him some space.  I can assure you that he doesnt necessarily think its ok – he could be trying to justify in his head WHY it happened, but still knows its unacceptable. 

Dont think about your Fiance cheating on you – his parents actions dont necessarily predict his future ones.  And if you think like that, it will drive you mad.  If anything, he might be less likely to ever do it after he sees what it puts him, his siblings, and his mom through. 

This is an awful situation, but IF he is ever ready to talk about it he will.  Just know that its difficult to ever fault a parent, so you may not see the level of disgust you expect.  PM me if you want some more info -we’re here for ya!

Post # 9
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Take it from someone who has been there (um, int he same exact situation) – let him have his space, don’t think about, and when he’s ready to talk to you, he will.  Don’t, under any circumstances, force him to confront his father.  Nothing good can come of that.

Good luck – this isn’t a fun situation for anyone 🙁 

Post # 10
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Tell him you love him and that you’re there to talk about things whenever he’s ready.  Then give him space.

He’s in shock.  He probably doesn’t even have words for how he’s feeling yet and it may take some time until he does. 

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