(Closed) I have no idea what to do…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Ask to stay at my current job I've been at for years b/c of the familiarity, convenience, & benefits : (28 votes)
    20 %
    Take the new job because of better pay & a fresh start, despite the possible Mon-Thur travel/commute : (114 votes)
    80 %
  • Post # 47
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @BassGirl:  That’s my feeling about it as well.  The old boss will never fully trust you because it’s pretty unprofessional to put in your notice and then rescind it.

    Post # 48
    1072 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d take the new job because”

    1.) You need to think of the big picture.  This new position will propel your career forward.  This is better in the long run.

    2.) More money means more security and a better life for the baby, before AND after (s)he is born.

    3.) You weren’t happy in your old job.

    4.) It would be weird and disloyal to rescind your resignation.  Also, it would SUCK to be working in a job where your employers think you don’t really want to be there.  Regardless of how gracious they may be on the outside, there will always be a bit of unpleasantness there.

    5.) Travel is not guaranteed.  Even if it needs to be done, perhaps you can talk to your employers/peers about having them take over the travelling duties for the first while after your baby’s born. 

    Post # 50
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @OMGWhatDoIDo:  I work with HR and upper level management.  Trust me.  It’s unprofessional.  Does it happen?  Absolutely.  Does it color management’s evaluation of an employee in future situations?  Absolutely.  They can’t outright discriminate against you but they can decide to assign you less cases or lower priority cases or make you redundant the moment they need to cut a position.

    Post # 51
    2184 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @OMGWhatDoIDo:  well its a hard choice, but one thing came up in my mind…. I dont know what the rules are where you live….(US?) but most companies dont allow you to take mat leave unless you’ve been with the company for a year…. so if someone got prego 3 months into their job that would be fine cause then by the time the baby came it would be a year (I know some people who had to plan that way). You may be able to obviously get the time off but you may not get the benefits! My gf who is pregnant was telling me about a frend of hers who has a toddler, and she ended up getting pregnant again by accident before get mat leave was over…. so when she gave birth she had only been back for 5 months… and shes allowed to take time off but she doesnt qualify for EI :s…. so they are super strapped for money

    I would check on he regulations before you move… (unless getting mat leave benefits isnt something your worried about moneywise)

    I havent had a kid yet so I could be totally off base lol… but I just remember my gf’s telling me something about having to be at their company for x amount of time

    Post # 52
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    @OMGWhatDoIDo:  Stress at a job that I hated would be worse for me personally.  I had a job that was literally, 1 minute away that paid more, but I hated it.  So I got a new job and now I’m super happy despite the commute.  Granted it isn’t super far either, but I’m happier.

    Post # 53
    1308 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    What do you mean by “travel” exactly? Are we talking like…flying out of state for four days a week? Or are you talking about driving? What? To where?

    I’m just asking because one of our supervisors at work is pregnant with twins. She is HUGE!! And she drives an hour to work and back every day, lol. I’m sure she goes out on the weekends, and I’m sure she walks her dog, and I’m sure she does what every other normal human being does. Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t end the world, you’re still a normal human being. If something is going to be of risk to you and your child, if you’ve got a doctor’s note, I don’t see why your new employer wouldn’t honor it.

    One of my friends started a new job and then found out she was pregnant almost immediately after. She missed a TON of work for the appointments (and had like zero PTO), AND maternity leave, AND now her baby has neuroblastoma cancer (it’s sad but she’s like 99.9% sure to beat it, so that’s cool) so they’re missing literally 3-4 out of 5 work days per week…Her new employer has given her all the time off, hasn’t fired her, etc. This poor woman has been at her job a little over a year and has barely even been there, lol.

    So I guess my point is that employers can accomodate under various circumstances. If it’s good for your career and future, I’d take it and stick with it. You seem like you want someone to jusitfy your desire to not take the job, though. So..Congrats on your pregnancy and best of luck to you no matter what! :3

    ETA: I don’t have kids/haven’t ever been preggo, so I could be way off base…Just going off what I’ve observed in my own life to try to relate to yours.

    Post # 54
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’m surprised no one has mentioned Option C: talk to the new employer about the situatip. you’re in, and see what they have to offer. I spent a few years consulting out of town Mon-Thurs and the firm had a really hard time retaining women who wanted to have families. So the management consulting industry as a whole addressed this by offering a very generous maternity leave and benefits to new moms. i think the standard was six months paid maternity leave and up to a year of local projects or working from home.  So before you assume what the new company would and wouldn’t make you do, just ask! ETA: you’re about to bail on the new company anyway, so you really have nothing to lose by asking.


    Post # 55
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Take the new job, let them know right off the bat that you’re expecting (or at least, once you’re in the safe period). That will give you 7-8 months to get into a good working habit, set yourself up for maternity leave. Good luck and congratulations!

    Post # 57
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @OMGWhatDoIDo:  Can you see yourself, in 8 months and near delivery, having issues (or the new company having issues) with your new status as “maternity employee”?  It’s a valid question.  Is the new company clearly open to telecommuting or flex-time?

    Does the benefits of the new company outweigh the longevity of the current company (i.e.:  can you transfer out of stressful department in current company and still retain a close commute, some time-vested status job security, benefits, etc.).  A new company does not need to adhere to “committment to employee” if the “employee” is a “new hire” going through substantial change that might affect the department/organization mission.

    As a risk-management evaluator, these are the cold facts/questions an employer may toss around and “CYA’s” themselves against.  Remember, ‘new hires’ are always in a probationary period that exempts a level of protection a time-vested employee has.


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