(Closed) I have no idea what to do, girls…

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
2369 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yeah I think its really unfair, its the one wedding related thing you should have exactly tlhe way you want it. No compromise.

Post # 19
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Awww, well I definitely think some compromising needs to be going on.  It sounds like he’s having ALL the say, you’re really not getting anything that you want!  You’re the one that has to wear it, so he should be respectful of what you want.  I can see his point on wanting to get you a diamond though, so maybe that can be the compromise, but you get the setting and shape stone you want?  I think that’s fair.  I know you respect his mom’s opinion, but she shouldn’t have a say in your ring.

Post # 20
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Seriously. I’m pissed for you too!

It’s true you can put in in a different setting later…but seriously?!? He should care what you think and YOU have to wear it every day.  This isn’t up to his mother.

Is he even willing to consider a princess cut solitaire?

Post # 21
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I hope he reconsiders when/if he knows how upset you are. I do think it’s unfair that he said he’d get what you wanted and then changed his mind….I wouldn’t lead with that when you talk to him though, or he could get defensive. Just let him know how important it is for you to have what you want on your finger for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!

Post # 22
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Totally agree with all the girls above. DreamingBee was dead-on when she said it’s important for you to have the ring you want to wear for the rest of your life.

I think you should tell him you’re hurt that he asked what you wanted, but is choosing what his mom wants instead. If you’re the woman he loves and wants to marry, he should want to make you happy… I think he might just be afraid to get something his mom doesn’t think is a “proper” engagement ring.

 

 

Post # 24
Member
10360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you’re marrying him, his mom needs to know that YOU and HIM get to make these decisions, not her. Her time of being the mom who makes decisions for her son has passed. It sounds like you’re going to have some power struggles with her in the future. You need to set healthy boundaries now.

Post # 25
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

how frustrating. Maybe he didnt mention to his mum what settings you actually like?

I would be mad too – why ask you which rings exactly and then go against it? At the end of the day, yes it is about being engaged and whatever ring he picks will always be special, but if he asks what you specifically want and doesnt get it, well… i would be a bit mad!

Can you try and speak to his mother? you said she is going to be a good mother in law? Maybe next time you are alone, just sigh and say “I am so confused about this whole engagement thing… he keeps asking me what ring I want and I tell him, then he tells me he is going to buy the opposite.”

 

Post # 26
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i would be upset too. why did he bother asking you since he flat out went against everything u told. i dont get it. i would talk to him n tell him that the ring is for you and so it has to be something u actually like otherwise u wont enjoy wearing it

Post # 27
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

I would definitely be irritated. I think it’s sweet when a man’s mother is excited about her son proposing – the alternative would very uncomfortable indeed. I totally understand if there was an heirloom ring his mom wanted to offer the two of you, but otherwise, she shouldn’t really have a say in what ends up on your finger. Your fiance should be more concerned with your tastes than what his mother sees fit.

I’m not sure why you were interested in moissanite, and I definitely don’t want to make any assumptions about your decision. However, I am on the moissanite bandwagon as well, my reasons being purely moral/political/environmental. So, in that case, iif my SO wandered outside of that wish, I would feel he didn’t respect my beliefs. Also, if getting engaged sooner is important to you, and saving for a diamond would add months (if not years!) to his saving time, that is a valid concern as well.

I would definitely sit him down and talk to him – stress how excited you are to be his wife, and that you would wear whatever he picked out, but want to make sure he’s still taking your preferences into consideration.

Post # 28
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I showed my fiancee what I wanted. Square cut in a antiqued band.  What I got was his mothers wedding band.  A tear drop shaped diamond and the band she wore.  I can’t complain because she died two years ago.  So I am resolved with the ring he gave me.  Its beautiful but not what I wanted.

Post # 29
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@futuremrsmartin11: Not sure if any other posters mentioned this but I suggest finding two or three pics of similar rings that you LOVE, printing them out, handing them to your bf and saying in no uncertain terms “THIS is what I want”. Sometimes just having a conversation isn’t enough – men tend to be very visual (notice, his mom is doing exactly this – appealing to his visual side and sending him pix).

You will probably have to compromise on the type of stone (even though that stinks).

Post # 30
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This may be echoing some of what the other posters have said but one thing my SO and I have always talked about is that we are a team – even if that means it’s us against a set of parents or a set of friends. Why is he placing his mum’s taste before yours? It’s not her that he is marrying. If Mother-In-Law is so set on a round diamond ring, perhaps you two can purchase it as a gift for her on a special occasion – I’d be devastated if I got a ring that was not similar to what I wanted after SO and I talking about what styles I like.

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