(Closed) i have NO sex drive

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

To me it almost founds like your trying to force things to much. In my experience, “forcing” myself to do something rarely helps.

Are you feeling stressed from work or anything like that?  As that often will take its toll.

Instead of forcing yourself into clothes you don’t like, or trying kinky things you may not necessarily be into, could you try taking a quiet weekend away to destress and just enjoy each others company?

Post # 4
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Awww, I’m sorry. Are you feeling ok otherwise (health, body image, etc.)?

I don’t have much advice to give, just sympathy. But if this is unusual for you and there aren’t any obvious reasons (stress, generally feeling unattractive, relationship problems), then I would go see your doctor if things don’t improve in the next month or so.

Post # 5
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can admit that I somewhat understand how you feel.  My Fiance and I do not live together either and it’s been difficult to have alone time together… when we finally get it we are exhausted because it’s super late or we feel rushed and it’s killing both of our drives.  We are also stressed with the wedding, finding a place to live, a job change for me and the list goes on.  I think stress really has a lot to do with it.  I would recommend taking things slowly.  Perhaps a bath together without sex involved to just enjoy each other… with a glass of wine… music or no music and NO PRESSURE!  It will reintroduce closeness… you can rub his feet or he can rub yours.. and expectations are low which allows you to relax a bit. I would also suggest doing something that will set you free out of your routine…  if it’s nice out… take a quiet walk in a secluded place to walk hand in hand and just focus on each other without the  million distractions we have nowadays.  Another idea is to give each other back massages with a great smelling oil… it helps with relaxing just in general and allows you to be close.  Or, a couples massage may be fun for you, too.  Please don’t be too hard on yourself.. life is crazy and stress runs high sometimes… just slow down the pace a bit and enjoy the moment without pressure.  Good luck

Post # 6
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

My fiance and I both have bad hips and we hurt continually. We need painkillers to get us through the day. We both have no sex drive and we don’t feel like we need a doctor to “fix it”. (The only way is for us both to have hip relacements!) We enjoy each other’s company and we are plenty happy with ourselves. It is a problem if one partner thinks it’s a problem and wants sex, then go see a doctor, it could be a medical issue that is easily solved… But for us, it’s okay.

Post # 7
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is the fact that you have to go over for “us” time, detract from the intimacy level.?. Are you satisfied with the amount of time you spend and things you do outside of your sex life?

Maybe you are just in a funk? Some seasonal depression or just a blah point. Hopefully you can get things sorted out and get back some spark that was once had!

Post # 8
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This seems to also conincide with winter, do you get enough vitamin D? Weve had issues with this and I find that it helps to take things into your own hands when hes not arond (women get more sexually turned on the more that she has orgasms). My trick now is when I even think about sex I jump him I dont finish my sentence or anything I just do it asap. There is a really really good book which has really helped us and I highly recommend all men and women to read it. I *heart* Female Orgasms its incredible and made for real women.

Post # 9
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012


Wow I can relate to every word of your post I’m in the exact same position. I think it’s the stress of wedding planning and working full time and trying to move in with Fiance that made me totally lose my sex drive. My life is just so chaotic now. And like you said, it’s not Fiance it’s me! Sometimes I find myself rolling my eyes and thinking of ways to get out of it too lol. Hopefully we can break out of this slump soon and start having fun again!!

Post # 10
2893 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, I’d go see a doctor. Yes, stress can be an issue. But from your post it doesn’t sound like stress, otherwise I would have expected you to say “been so busy with x,y,z and I’m just not in the mood anymore.” But hormonal imbalance could be it as well. And it really doesn’t hurt to see a professional. 

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