(Closed) I have nothing. Where to now?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do not have much to say to you except, it gets better. I know it is hard to see now, but you’re gonna get out of this. 

Post # 4
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@lstcos:  So very very many hugs to you. The first thing I would say is that you need to get yourself to a sliding scale therapist in your area. There should be clinics or training centers in your town or city that will treat you for free or a nominal fee. PM me with a location if you would like help finding these resources.

You’re almost certainly (IANAD) depressed, whether chemically or because of the truly shitty series of events in your life. And, as you know, the lack of a support network is not helping things. Start small, by getting some help, and with the support there, see if you can start volunteering somewhere — something that uses the skills in your field, or just something that might be interesting to do. Obviously since you’re fighting depression and social anxiety, it’s not going to be easy for you to do this, but — what can it hurt? These people won’t be paying you. You’ll never have to see them again. So what if you freak out or embarrass yourself? Start slow with baby steps here, and see what this develops into.

As far as the very very basics — even though it sucks, I think you need to take what’s offered homewise until you’re strong enough to net and keep a job. At which point — flatmates all the way. People you have to see and interact with.

I’m so sorry that things are at this juncture. Don’t feel too bad about pushing your Fiance away. There are going to be hard times in everyone’s life, and it’s best to know now that he’s not the type who can stick it out with you when things get really bad.

Post # 5
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First off, I’m so sorry that you feel so low in life right now. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I feel for you and send positive vibes your way. 

On the job issue: Some things you may have already tried, but I will suggest anyways. Job fairs, and contacting and getting hooked up with staffing companies. Not sure what state you’re in, but in California, the unemployment department has locations that you can go into and get help searching for jobs, formatting your resume, etc. Now with your social anxiety this is probably easier said than done to do these things. However, you have to take THE FIRST STEP. If you can take that first step to get help finding a job, you will better your confidence by becoming financially stable over time (and it also helps the financial situation you’re in).

On the fiance issue: Wow. It sounds like you love this man a lot, and for him to be turning his back on you in THE hardest time in your life is cowardly. He asked you to marry him thinking that he would spend the rest of his life with you. He obviously did not take that commitment seriously. Marriage is for better or for worse. If he turns his back on you now, would he be there for you once you’re married? You deserve better than that. 

You have support here. These women on here are friends to anyone who needs a friend. I don’t know if you’re spiritual, Godly, or whatever, but I am truly praying for you. Just remember though, no one in your life can have more of an effect on your future than YOU. Try to stay positive, I can’t tell you how immense the power a positive attitude is. 

**BIG GIANT HUGS**

Post # 6
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@village_skeptic:  I couldn’t agree more! Volunteering is an excellent way to start!

Post # 7
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@lstcos: hugs!

I’m sorry I edited this I just realized how much I publicly said about myself lol. I’m still here to talk though!

Post # 8
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

I am so sorry you are going through this and I feel your pain. I have been where you are, and although you may feel like you are at your rock bottom now, remember that things will get better. Things can change in one second, in the blink of an eye.  I literally have the phrase “Anything is possible” on my bathroom mirror to remind me of this every day.

As far as your fiance goes, maybe it is better that you are finding out now that he is not a dependable man that will be there for you for better or for worse. Whether you want to try to work things out with him or not, perhaps distance is the best answer right now, until you get stronger. Let him miss you and see what his life would be like with out you waiting for him every night.

Use this as an opportunity to start fresh for yourself. Although it will not be pleasant, move back in with your parents. Maybe looking for a job in a new city will be more lucky for you. Also, since you are having trouble getting interviews, try re-working your resume. Sometimes mnor tweaks will be the difference in an emloyer looking at your resume or ignoring it (if you want PM me, and send it to me and I can help you. You can take your name off if you are uncomfortable).

Try to get some professional help also. Look up free or low cost mental health in your area and see if you can find a counselor that will help you.

Good luck to you. I truly wish you the best!

Post # 10
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@lstcos:   I seriously want to hug you right now and tell you that it will all get better! I think volunteering is a great idea, its something you can put on your resume and it will help build your confidence. Check your local YWCA, they seem to always have volunteer opportunities and it will give you an chance to interact with other women in a supportive environment. Just take it day by day. As far as where you are staying, do you have any other family members that might help you out: an aunt or cousin maybe? I hate to say it, but I agree with PPs about your Fiance – better to find out now that he can’t handle being with you through this low point, than to find out after you woudl have been married. Stay strong, you’ll get through it! And please come back and let us know how you are doing or if you jsut need to talk to someone, I would be happy to volunteer as I’m sure many of my fellow Bees would as well.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@lstcos:  If you cant get employed because you are too qualified, change your resume to reflect what they are looking for.

Post # 13
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@lstcos:  Yeah, there is no flipping way that you should be in sales. That’s the type of job that would kill me with awkwardness-induced stress, and I don’t even have social anxiety disorder!

Here’s an idea — you sound like you would be a great fit for tutoring services. Look up Kaplan Learning type places in your area maybe?

Post # 14
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@lstcos: Yeah customise it to make yourself seem less qualified, ie maybe only list the more medial tasks you did. 

Alternatively why dont you look for some office admin work?

Post # 15
Member
7752 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh, I am so sorry youn are going through this.  I have been there and will share what helped for me.  First, you must get your chemistry back in balance.  As my doctor told me, nothing in my life was going to work until that was handled.

Some options to condider:  your doc may be able to get you starded with samples.  And most of the drug companies have programs to provide meds to patients who are currently unable to pay.  Your doc will know how you apply.

 

You cant really sell youself to an employer when younare suffering from an anxiety disorder and depression.

 

You will see your relationship more clearly and make better career decisions once you are on the right meds and getting support even if its therapy from a sliding scale facility.

 

My advice is that you deal with the physical issues first.

Post # 16
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I went through something extremely similar. In my case, I lost my job due to anxiety and a parade of bad things happening that I couldn’t cope with. This was about four months before my first wedding. After the wedding, I fell into serous depression, didn’t leave the house much, and him coming home was the only thing I looked forward to. He would come home, play video games, and essentially ignore me. He ended up resenting me but, instead of saying anything, he pulled further and further away. 

It may sound harsh, but a grown man who loves you should have bee able to see your decline. He should have supported you and tried to help you. Instead, he kept it to himself and kicked you when you were down. I know it’s not easy for him, but if he was ready for the commitment, he should have helped you. Near the end, I asked my ex if he would have been a resentful coward if it was cancer. (Probably not exacty far, but I was mad by that point)

I agree with the PP, get youself healthy first. I’m sure you know that climbing out of that hole is not easy. See if there are services in your area. Try to find counseling, and a doctor. There’s a good chance this won’t get better on its own. 

It took me seven years, a move to a different state, meeting my now-fiance, and really evaluating my life to get where I am now. It was, and still is hard. I wish I could give you more than that. You need support, you need someone who will help you. My thoughts are with you, and hugs as well. 

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