- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
Please consider a shelter, we all need help sometimes.
Please consider a shelter, we all need help sometimes.
Talk about leaving out the relevant information in your first post! Your husband is abusive, and I’m honestly worried about your safety. I hope you can leave with your kids. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. His behavior is not normal, healthy, or safe for you.
I am in Texas and the job market is really booming here. I really do not understand why you can’t find a job. I get that you have two small children, but your husband is abusive and you need to get the heck out of there and not just for yourself, but for your kids. Also, in case of divorce there will be child support, depending on your husband’s income the CS maybe enough to help with daycare costs. I would consider shelter and proper documentation of all domestic abuse you are going though in case he decides to fight for custody.
I don’t know you or your situation, but it doesn’t sound like the way he is treating you is anything new. You applied for jobs, he won’t “let” you work nights, TOLD you to stop searching until one of you kids is older, then HE decided you need to get a job in under a month “or else”. Why did you stop when he told you to? Why are you declining night hours just because he told you not to? And why are you now in a rush to get a job just because he decided you need to?
To be honest? I would have packed up my bags and walked out that door the moment he said “or else”. I don’t care if it’s a threat to the marriage and not an actual dangerous threat, I would LEAVE any man who threatens me. SPECIALLY when they CONTROL me like that. Why are you even respecting all his decisions when he won’t even respect you as a PERSON? You can’t be trusted to work nights? Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus, no. Walk. Away. That man is a controlling asshole bordering on emotionally abusive and that is ridiculous.
I wouldn’t send a single resume. I wouldn’t move, I would sleep in. I wouldn’t do ANYTHING remotely close to finding a job, threatning me? Please. Nope.
Please find a job and then leave his ass.
Im sorry honey, but the power of prayer isnt gonna work on its own, do anything to get out of there.
OP, there’s no way to sugar coat it: he is abusive. He is trying to control every aspect of your life and cut you off from anyone that isn’t him. Please call a hotline number like PPs have suggested. It’s just going to get worse and worse. Do what’s best for you and your kids and get out now!
Please reconsider a shelter. Please call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Your husband is abusive and you need to get out of this situation immediately. If not for you, then please do it for your children.
It’s really, really hard to see from the inside of an abusive relationship, even one that isn’t physically abusive, just how F’ed up everything is. Then you lay it out for someone else (us) bit by bit and the whole picture comes out. The abuse sounds like it has been building bit by bit, and the isolation has happened over time, and maybe each piece of it has seemed ok on its own. But keeping you from friends and family, tracking where you go and who you see, threatening you, controlling what jobs he can “trust you to have” – none of this is ok.
OP – your husband is abusive and controlling and you need to get yourself and your children somewhere safe. It seems like your SIL is also fleeing an abusive relationship, if her ex got violent and she felt threatened enough to leave the state. That could be you someday. Please, reach out to one of the organizations listed for help! Many groups that work with domestic abuse victims could help you with things like finding a job or childcare, things you are having trouble doing on your own. It’s not like your husband is helping support you and your children in any way other than paying bills. It’s very common for abused partners to lack independent income or childcare services, and is one of the reasons that women are least likely to leave. Please, contact one of these groups even if it’s just to talk. You don’t need to decide what you are going to do right now, but there is help out there.
Also, although it may not have happened yet, consider whether your husband could react violently to you asserting your independence.
I think you know you’re in an abusive marriage. You need to get yourself and your kids out as soon as possible. Going to a shelter is not a fate worse than death when you live with an abusive partner. There are people who can help you and want to help you, you just have to reach out.
If I knew I wouldn’t be here…. I didn’t think of it this way until everyone started pointing out things I didn’t realize were wrong. I’ve always just thought he was frustrated from work and just problems going on with his side of the family. My family isn’t as dramatic as his, abscond they are, I cut them off. I have enough going on with my kids and everything else to worry about people that don’t even make an effort to call and see how we are. So being around his family for so long, I’ve grown a bit accustomed to it. He’s always had the responsibility of his siblings growing up as both parents weren’t around and the one that was was always bringing in different men into their house. So he’s always been the ”man of the house” since his younger years. I just thought everything he was going through, and how he is, were suppressed feelings and emotions he has been holding in since his younger days… I do agree, it’s not right I get it taken out of, but he does try to do better. He does apologize when he realizes what he does. So I know he’s trying. Not once has there ever been a hand raise towards me or our kids either. I know abuse isn’t only necessarily physical but also mentally and emotionally… I just didn’t realize I was being mentally or even emotionally abused till everyone pointed out certain things I didn’t realize. I’m still a bit iffy on it and I’m trying to get my thoughts together on all of this.
Total disrespect! If your husband even thinks that he could kick you out of the house because you’re not working…just remember its not that easy and its still YOUR house! Wth is his problem? He sounds controlling! First off, he shouldn’t dictate if you should or shouldn’t have a job. That decision needs to be mutual. This situation just seems like it’ll get worse once your Mother-In-Law and SIL get there. Maybe its best to get a job, save money, and get your kids and find a place away from your husband and his family.
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