(Closed) I have opposite of baby fever and my fiance really wants kids someday

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 31
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Reading these responses really helped put my situation in perspective 🙂 Glad you brought this topic to the table.

My SO always imagined he’d have a family someday, never imagined the point A to point B of actually having the children. When we got together I was adament that I wanted children and the topic of having children was our only point of contention because he wasn’t sure if he wanted them. We never fight but our serious conversations woud leave me in tears. He told me that if I wanted children and it was a deal breaker for me then he would be fine with them and he would take responsibility for the children and be there 100%. Made me feel a little better but after 4 years together I think we’re both on the “No thanks” side of the kids debate.

After reading someone elses post on here about being a 1 child family I fell in the love with the idea and thought my SO would too. I tried to sell it exactly like I read it: one child is easier to take care of, one child is easier to leave with someone else to care for, going on vacations is cheaper, leaving them with your parents for the week/weekend isn’t such a big deal with one child, less expensive to do sports and activities paying for one child. He hated the idea and said either we’re all in or we’re all out.

I’m at the point now where if we happened to get pregnant (highly unlikely bc I take my birth control on schedule as if I’d die without it) by accident, it would be the best accident ever. Stopping to actually make the decision to have children would be the hardest choice ever for SO and I. We fly much better by the seat of our pants 😉 Plus I think we would be genuinely happier without them. We travel all the time and love it.. It wouldn’t be a fun life for a kid.

Post # 32
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with one of the PP who said that our choices shouldn’t be governed by fear.

My DH and I are currently TTC and to be honest I find the idea of being a Mum terrifying, because I still feel like a little girl inside (I’m 30), but I honestly think that you can wait your whole life to be ”ready” and still not be ready. I was terrified of learing to drive, I was terrified of buying a house… but with all these things, once you get started, it’s fine. It’s just the thought and fear of the ‘unknown’ that’s scary.

But then again, I’ve always know that I wanted kids, and I’ve always known that I want more than one. I totally disagree about 1 child being easier.. quite the opposite. One child needs your constant attention and care, the child has nobody to play with and will rely on you for all contact and communication. I have 3 siblings and spent my childhood playing with them. Our Mum had plenty of time to herself, because we kept each other occupied with our toys. On the contrary, the people I knew who were only children were really dependent on their parents and grandparents and their friends.. and their parents definitely did not have more time for themselves. So I think it should be ”all in” or ”all out”… but don’t let fear put you off.

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