I have the higher sex drive…and it makes me sad.

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
271 posts
Helper bee

You’re married. He’s hurting you and making you feel rejected. Why are you worried his feelings will be hurt if you try to talk to him about this? Masturbation is a very natural thing and its your body. He should not be pouting because you masturbate. It doesn’t even matter if you have sex everyday and still masturbate. If you want to do it to your own body, then do it. He can deal with it and accept it like an adult. 

I have a higher sex drive than my fiancee so I get it. Have you made sure it’s nothing related to a medical condition? Does he make you feel loved otherwise? Lack of sex is one of the biggest reasons for divorce and infidelity so talking about this openly is a must. 

You really need to tell him everything you told us about how you feel, the rejection, the hurt, all of it. He is an adult and he has a sex life so he can talk about it. Have you considered open relationship? It’s a drastic measure for a lot of people but it can also help and I know couples who does have it and made their relationship stronger. 

Just don’t be afraid to talk to him and ask him quesitons. 

Post # 32
2740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

He could have low testosterone or an overwhelming amount of stress at work or home that he’s not talking about. I’d gently bring it up. I had a similar situation with my husband a year ago. He was depressed and stressed to the max and couldn’t hold a hard on and didn’t want sex. We worked through our issues together and now the sex is like when we were dating 12 yrs ago. I also have a higher sex drive….like I would like it at least 2 times a day. We compromise together and it works for us. Good luck bee!!

Post # 33
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

If your libidos don’t match up (and this is common and I’ve been with several men who had a lower sex drive than I did, so don’t listen to stereotypes), he has no right to tell you not to masturbate. You need to find a way to both be happy, and you have to talk about it even if it’s uncomfortable for him. Find out what his ideal amount is, tell him yours and figure out a way to both be content. 

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