(Closed) I have to do WHAT!?!?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 92
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree. I’m already paying ridiculous fees for their “service” for a few hours.

I worked retail in a clothing store. I never got tipped for my personalized service. Why not? And I always brought my lunch; it wasn’t provided for me. But it’s a freaking 5 or 6 hour service! Do you really need a whole meal every 5 hours? Eat before you come. But if they have to eat, they’re going to take 20 or 30 minutes to consume the food whether I provide it or they bring it. So they should bring it, or I should be allowed to provide food for them. NOT provide a $50 vendor meal. It’s discounted, but it’s still way too expensive. I can go to freaking Panera Bread and buy a few boxed lunch for $8.00 if they need to eat within a 5 hour period.

And why should I tip them?? Isn’t that what their astronomical fees are for?? It’s absolutely insane. 

And for the place we’re using, there’s a “service charge” of 20%. THAT, is their “tip”. I’m not paying a 20% service charge and tipping on top of that. There’s no way. 

Post # 93
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
@tarawiley328:  12 hours? Seriously? Every photographer I’ve been quoted is for 5 hours, and each additional hour is like $200+ dollars.

Post # 94
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

And I DESPISE how everyone seems to assume couples spend 20 and 30 and 40k+ on weddings! It’s simply not true. Sure, I guess if I had 30k to throw for a wedding, I wouldn’t mind a $50 meal. But we all aren’t so fortunate. Some of us seriously whittle down our guests lists, re-sell our wedding dresses, do our own makeup, and come in vans and not limos, because we can’t afford to just drop another $50 for 2 or 3 vendors, plus tips. Vendors should take into consideration that just because the average wedding is 30k, not everyone is even breaking into 5 figures. 

The cost of everything “wedding” just really pisses me off. It’s horribly, disgustingly marked up just because it’s “wedding” and they can do it because people pretty much have no choice buy to pay it. Really, a plain white cake for 70 people is $600? You’re freaking kidding me. 

Post # 95
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Hang on… I have never ever worked in a job where my employer fed me. They might give me a lunch break, sure, but they have never paid for my food. I just brought sandwiches.  Not sure how it’s any different for weddings, and when I used to work events then nobody ever fed me, either.

In the UK, it is not customary to tip, either, except in restaurants and at hairdressers. You can argue that a wedding is like being in a restaurant, but seeing as I am paying the waiting staff by the hour then I would far rather just allow them their pick of the evening buffet and booze, seeing as they have almost nothing to do during our afterparty except wait to clear up (the bar will be self service).

Post # 96
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I get paid to cook and eat the food that the company I work for has bought and let me tell you this is a first in any job I have ever had. Some jobs I’ve been lucky if I even get a break period. 

I have no problem paying for my photographer to have a meal. I think that is courteous. However, I think it is absolutely ludicrous that a vendor EXPECT this for one days worth of work.  photographers do not shoot weddings all day every day and therefore suffer some malnourishment issues. Bring a Snack if you can’t go 6 hours without food. 

Honestly though, just feed the damn people. 

Post # 97
Member
4615 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
@Cabbagefairy:  THIS!  I also work in events and get 3 meals and all my beverages included when I am on site (normally 12 hour day but often longer, this is normal).

Edit: the reason is because if I left site during an event to get food I’d get fired.  I can’t leave because I’m responsible for certain things and the timings are tight.  Eating at an event isn’t like a lunch break, it’s more like going to the toilet, it’s a necessity.  There’s no switching off or relaxing or gossiping or other “break” activities. I’m still working.  And yes, I’ve had to abandon my food to sort things out when they go wrong.  How would you feel if the power went during your wedding and the electrician turned to you and said “sorry, I’m on my break for another 20 minutes, I’ll deal with it then”?

Also: vendor meals are different from guest meals.  Often a pasta dish or sandwiches.  We don’t want guest meals.  Once there were some leftover guest meals at a conference I did, you cannot work on food that rich.

Post # 98
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Guess it’s true you learn something new everyday. Thanks for this thread!!!!

Post # 99
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@theone99:  I am so glad too. Because seriously, I think the whole tipping thing is a concept I will never understand. America needs to up the minimum wage substantially for all jobs. What they get for the hard work they do is just pittance which has the flow on affect. Also there health system?? Jeez man, I dont get that either.

Anyway get back to feeding the herd of vendors. Feed them at half price. Or make them a sandwich 🙂

And i did read the posts saying you will feed them so thats good. Wedding stuff is pretty pricey!

 

Post # 100
Member
1597 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Look at it this way: These people will be working 8-12 hours FOR YOU.

If you worked an 8-12 hour shift, wouldn’t it be nice to eat?

I think feeding the vendors is common courtesy, not “etiquette.”

Some people would argue that the vendors should figure out lunch/dinner on their own, but this would require them to leave your event for 30-60 minutes, and I’m sure no bride wants that happening either.

Just look at it as human beings needing to feed their bodies. People need to eat. End of story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 101
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@Stace126:  Look at it this way: These people will be working 8-12 hours FOR YOU

For which they are being paid to do.  Some posters are making this sound like they’re doing a favor for you – they’re doing their job.

Personally, I’m still of the camp that boxed lunches are not rocket science.  But I don’t think anyone is saying that they don’t want to allow the vendor to eat – they just don’t want to be expected to shell out even more money when they’re already paying for their services. (Granted, I don’t have a dog in this fight – all my food is going to be homemade by FIs family, so vendors are welcome to eat whatever they want). But if it was going to cost me an extra $20 to feed each of the vendors?  Yeah, I’d be asking if they could leave for 30 minutes to eat the lunch they’ve brought with or run to the Pick-a-Deli across the road.  

 

Post # 102
Member
15128 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow.  I cant believe this debate is still going on. OP already said she was ok with it and would feed the vendors, she was just shocked at finding this out not knowing about the possiblity of vendor meals yet.

But if you expect your vendors to work through their meal, then yes, it’s normal to feed them.  I work 9 hours days, and no I dont expect to be fed by my employer, but I also take out 30 minutes a day where I am not expected to be available for work and I go eat.  If they hold a lunch time meeting and expect me to work, they order lunch or give me a voucher to pay for my lunch, this is pretty much the case with vendor imo.  If you are ok with the photographer not being available or the dj not playing music for 30 miuntes and taking time off to eat, then dont buy them a meal.  If you want them near by and to jump up at any time from their meal to work and take pictures or to continue song request, provide a meal.  

Post # 103
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@pinkshoes:  Agreed – that sounds reasonable. 

Post # 106
Member
3415 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

This is an example of another reason I am SOOO happy I have a lot of friends in various businesses.  My uncle and cousin will be doing our photos, another friend our video, another friend officiating.  I’m already feeding them 🙂 so I’m not paying for services AND food.  In fact these generous friends/family are doing these services to us for free minus cost to print.   The least I can do is give them free food and booze.

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