(Closed) I have to vent about my crazy in-laws!!!!! ( sorry its so long!)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

That sounds really frustrating. I would note though, that it sounds like his sister was kicked out of the wedding without talking to her, which isn’t the most polite thing, even if she did ignore your message. Why on earth would her dad have a say in this? If anything, I would ask the mother (and ideally, the sister herself). 

Second, I’m not sure that talking to your Fiance is going beyond your back. He’s their kid! Of course it’s easier for them to talk to him about difficult issues. They shouldn’t expect him to make decisions without consulting you, but bringing the issue up to him isn’t horrible. 

That said, I think it would be best if you talked to his sister, and if she claims she want to be in the wedding, give her until the original deadline to get her measurements and money in. That way, you can tell Future Mother-In-Law that she’s being treated the same as all the other BMs, and it’s up to her whether to fulfill those responsibilities or not. 

Post # 4
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

that’s really frustrating. does Fiance cutting a groomsman make the numbers uneven now? Could you use that as your excuse and explain that you’re really set on equal pairs? It may not hurt to mention that she didn’t seem to excited about it either. In-laws are just tough. Good luck!!

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

@sockpuppet – Oh, I understand now why you would talk to the dad, that makes sense. 

Also, sorry if unclear – I did understand that you felt Future Mother-In-Law was going behind your back, not Fiance. I was saying that parents will usually prefer to talk to their own kid rather than the kid’s SO about difficult issues, and I wouldn’t consider it going behind your back. (My parents always bring up difficult issues to me, and FI’s parents address them to him…same with other couples I know). 

Post # 10
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Why would you have a rush order fee if your wedding isn’t until December?  Just curious.  Mine is in December too, and I’m not ordering my dresses for another month or so.

Post # 12
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@lindsay- She said in her post that her wedding is actually in July.

I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. Especially wince he just left for basic. I know how stressful my Fiance leaving was when he did BMT and I can’t even imagine how it would be with all this on your shoulders too.

Unfortunately, I don’t really have that much helpful advice. IMO, you should sit down with the dad and sister together and talk to her. Did anyone ask her if she even WANTS to be in your wedding? It really doesn’t sound like it. I was in a cousins wedding when I was that age and I made sure that I was beyond helpful to the bride because I was just so grateful to be included!

Post # 13
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I say that if she doesn’t order the dress by Saturday, order them on your own (without hers included). They always say that it’s best to order them together for the dye-lot to be the same, but I had a bridesmaid issue where one of my bridesmaids had to quickly purchase a dress that was in the store rather than order it. They all looked exactly the same even though they didn’t come from the same dye-lot.

So, if your Future Mother-In-Law has a fit about how you already ordered the dresses, she can order the dress for your Future Sister-In-Law herself and pay for the dress, the rush fees, etc. Don’t put your wedding at risk b/c your Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law are being flakey about the dress. And definitely do not give your Future Mother-In-Law your account number! Ask her to write you a check! That shouldn’t be so hard!

Hope this all works out!

Post # 14
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If they don’t have the order in by tomorrow I would call the dress shop and tell them to put the order in without her order. That is her own fault for not following though. Then when they ask about it I would say you didn’t want your other BMs to pay the rush fee, however if she wants to be in the wedding she can still order and pay the rush fee. I wouldn’t give Future Mother-In-Law your account number either is she crazy? IMO that was a totally inappropriate thing for them to even ask. Even if they give you the $$ Future Sister-In-Law still needs to go in and get measured.

In all honesty since they are paying nothing, Future Sister-In-Law has no interest in the wedding, Future Mother-In-Law won’t even discuss with you she goes through Fiance or Future Father-In-Law then I wouldn’t do anything to accomodate them at all. You don’t even want Future Sister-In-Law in the wedding.

Post # 16
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@sockpuppet10 – Whew! I was worried – LOL.  My wedding is in December too, and I’m not ordering dresses till next month! Ha!

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