(Closed) I have TWO "dads" what do I do?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
4712 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Have them both walk you down the aisle!  It seems like the only solution after reading your post.

I’m sure your step dad will understand… you’ll just have to explain exactly what you have explained here.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  SeaOfLove.
Post # 3
46675 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

BridetoBe2016:  No one can tell you what to do, but we could share what we think we might do.  I would have the Bio-Dad walk me about 1/2 of the way down the aisle, then have my stepdad take over and walk me the rest of the way.

I would do the same for the father-daughter dance.

I understand why your stepdad would be upset, but if your Mom took you and left your Bio-Dad, he really didn’t abandon you. I would not let the $$$ make your decisions for you. That would be very hurtful to your stepdad.

Post # 4
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m a believer that family is the people who know you, raised you, and have been there for you. So, I’d vote for your step dad to do all the traditional “dad” things, and then maybe do an extra dance for you and your bio dad. 

It’s that you and your bio dad have a good relationship now, but your step dad has a really good point; for all Intents and purposes, you’re his daughter and he understandably doesn’t want to be pushed to the wayside. It’d be pretty hurtful. 

It’s a sticky situation but on the positive side, it sounds like you now have two men who love you very much and that’s definitely something to be proud of 😉

Post # 6
3712 posts
Sugar bee

How about having your biological dad walk you part of the way and your step dad the rest of the way up the aisle?  They can have alittle “hand over” where one shakes the hand of the other and your biiological dad gives you a goodbye kiss.  That way they are both acknowledged and included.  It’s a way of symbolizing to everyone that 2 men have made you the woman you are today and both matter.

Why not scrap the whole father-daughter dance. I mean, is it imprtant anyway?

Post # 7
1211 posts
Bumble bee

I’m walking down the aisle by myself because being handed off to my husband by my fathers feels really wrong to me (for MY specific situation), but will do either a) 2 father/daughter dances or b) switch dads halfway through the song.

Post # 8
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

Why didn’t he have a relationship with you for most of your life? I get that your mom left him, but unless she purposefully hid you from him (which would make me suspicious of bio dad too) I can’t think of a good reason for him to have missed out on you for 23 years.

Your step dad raised you from infancy and now has to share father things with the Johnny come lately father? I’d be upset if I were him too

Post # 9
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you should do everything with your step dad. He raised you like his own.  


Post # 10
5958 posts
Bee Keeper

BridetoBe2016:  As someone who was raised by the belief that it is the person who raises you that is your parent not your blood relative.  I’m more for the father who raised you.  Your step-dad has been in your life the entire time you can really remember.  He’s been your father since you were a baby, he is your father.  Your biological dad yes, he is biologically related to you, but he didn’t raise you.  He met you as a grown woman, and met the person who had already settled and found herself.  Your stepdad, was the person who has been there for your entire life, probably wiped away your tears, was there for you when you had a bad day, etc.  To me, you should choose your stepfather for both the walk down the aisle and the father/daughter dance.  He made the effort and has been your dad, he accepted the role to be your father, he didn’t have to, he could have been an asshole, but he wasn’t.  Your biological dad (without any real background, so this is a guess), has just made an effort and to me it doesn’t compare to your stepfather’s actions and love.

Money should not play a role in walking down the aisle and father/daughter dance

Post # 11
197 posts
Blushing bee

Do what YOU want. If you want both dads to walk you down the aisle, do so. The day is about you and your happiness. Both of these men should be focused on YOU, not each other. 

Either do a handoff from one dad to the other, or have them both walk you if you want both involved. It’s your choice, they should want you to be happy.

Post # 12
560 posts
Busy bee

A father is a man that is there when you fall off your bicycle to pick you up and encourage you to try again. A father is the one that sits in the front row (or as close as possible) at your school play. A father stands by your side when you get an injection of have a broken arm taken care of. A father looks at homework and helps you out with school projects. A father threatens the guy that takes you on your fist date. A father protects you when you are scared and comforts you when you are sad. This man is not necessarily the man who’s DNA you have, the title of father is so much more than that.

Giving you away on your wedding day, should be the man that instilled the values in you that lead you to make the decision to marry the man you are walking to. The first dance should be reserved for the man that saw you change form a girl to a woman and now a wife. Money may buy a wedding, but it can never buy a father’s love, commitment or loyalty…

A man that wants to know his child will, regardless of space between them, time or any legality. A man with integrity will fight for his child and the honor of having the child in his life. There is no excuse.

Post # 14
113 posts
Blushing bee

I guess I have a similar situation only with the mums not the Dads. My mum gave us up when I was 12, and although she’s been around most of my life, she’s never been my Mum.

I think in the majority of places, my step-mother will take place as ‘Mother of the Bride’. She’ll come dress shopping with me, she’ll help me plan and organise all the aspects of the wedding. On the actual day if my mother requests it, she can be with me when I’m getting ready, but step-mum will do my dress up and attach my veil, step mum will stand in her place, because she’s been there. Even though I get on with my mother nowerdays.

In your position, I would vito the Dad/daughter dance and just not have one. But I’d ask step-Dad to walk me down the aisle. I’m sure dad will understand. But that’s a personal choice only you can make

Post # 15
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Please do not make the decision on the basis of money.  Your stepdad and mom raised you.  I agree with Cherry.

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