Member@meow402: They are invited to our wedding but I would like an apology. Either way, my friends will watch them all like hawks and have them out at the first sign of anything happening.
Member@SimplyChic11: That letter sounds perfect! Let us know if they say anything in response.
Just thought I’d point out you forgot a word in your letter before you print it (I can’t help it, it’s the teacher in me):
I do apologize for them doing this behind my back when my fiance specifically discouraged them not to.
Good luck!
Member@SimplyChic11: I don’t know if your privacy rights were compromised in this situation or not. It is definitely worth talking with the folks at the university involved to see what information was discussed. If information about your grades, financial aid or attendance in class were discussed, that would be against FERPA. If your Future In-Laws were told general attendance policies for classes or department policies, that is not protected information. Your Future In-Laws may have heard what they wanted to hear in a general attendance policy, drew their own conclusions and twisted it from there. That’s why I think it is a good idea to find out what information was actually discussed.
Still a good idea to make folks at the school aware of the situation, so that in the future your information isn’t accessed by Future In-Laws.
Just as a personal note, I don’t apologize for other people’s actions. Really, the only actions I can apologize for are my own. But that’s just me.
Member@StarryNight2011: Still tweaking the letter but yes, I am cutting out the apology part and finding out what exactly was said.
I DO know it went past a purely academic level when they were able to access MY class and find out the attendace policy towards me regarding it.
Member
MemberMember@SimplyChic11: Again, the class/department/school attendance policy applies to all students and is not protected information. If your Future In-Laws asked how many classes you have missed and they were told that info, that may be an issue. If your Future In-Laws are as crazy as it sounds, they may have identified themselves as your parents….you just don’t know until you talk with someone about what was actually said.
If, for example, your Future In-Laws knew the instructor’s name (maybe because you or your FH had mentioned it in previous conversations), they could easily have looked up when that instructor teaches class and that instructor’s contact info (all of that is public info and usually easily searchable). Your Future In-Laws overstepped boundaries by contacting the prof (which is why I think you feel your privacy was violated), but keep in mind the prof may or may not have released protected info-that’s why I encourage you to talk with them first, then follow up with an e-mail.
I understand totally that you are upset by the situation and rightfully so. Just make sure you have the correct information before contacting the school about privacy violations.
Member@StarryNight2011: I am also contacting the instructor today, asking 1. what was said to them and 2. explaining a bit more about my decision, asking if it would affect others negatively like I thought it would
Thanks!
Member@SimplyChic11:Yeah,that sounds good. Yeah my university has a strict policy ,too. They shouldn’t have talked to them at all. I would make sure to warn your other teachers,too.
Ya know what? Since they opened their pieholes to her, what if you asked the person who talked to her about it to type you up some kind of letter saying…. Dear @SimplyChic11: I was contacted by _____ and told them ______. I felt as if I coudln’t divulge the entire situation to them, but as you know, you cannot miss classes. etc, etc…. People are depending on you….etc, etc. Just wanted to make sure you were informed of this situation and the fact that missing classes will not be acceptable, as I have told you before.
I mean, that is if you even still care about what they think. I mean Future Mother-In-Law went overboard, so I don’t blame you if you just really don’t give a hoot about it anymore. But I’m sure ole jabber jaws would be happy to remedy the situation he has made in order to protect his butt with the school. Good luck…..
MemberI think your letter is fine and will smooth things over with your professors. A face-to-face conversation would really solve a lot of your queries right now, so maybe just wait to talk to your profs. and ask them what was asked, answered, etc.
I also like the suggestion by teamajax13 to have them reiterate the policy in a letter. Not that you need to prove yourself to anyone, and frankly your Future In-Laws owe you a huge apology.
Member@MightySapphire I agree. Def ask what was said….
and yes…they owe you a huge apology. So I think it is them that needs to do the booty kissing, not you…LOL
MemberStill haven’t heard back from the professor but DID manage to talk to my personal supervisor in the class today. She and I agreed although I COULD have gone, it would not have been the best decision and I would have faced mucho work when I got back/if not put the people under me at a disadvantage.
I’m so sick of trying to clear my name with these people 🙁 FMIL called my own mom today and wasn’t too happy my mother wasn’t agreeing with her on everything. My mom did not explode but certainly told them they were out of line and needed to ease up on us as a couple.
I think what happened was, they asked “can she come up this weekend?” as in SAt/Sun…. and the answer was, of course, yes.
They did not sound like they stayed on the phone long enough to determine if it would affect me like I said it might. Or even the fact I SHOULD stay even if they weren’t holding me there against my will (duh, as if any school would do this).
I’m so sick of them calling me a liar, so much so that I am working my way back up the line of authority, explaining person A and person B told me this, therefore based on this, can I go… the answer so far as been ‘no’.
His mom also texted me asking my birthdate today (as if 10 months of being with her son wasn’t enough time to obtain that info)… because she wants to put that on her calendar.
I did not reply. I don’t think I will. In fact, if they really want to know my birthday they can look it up on my university’s website for all I care.
MemberAccording to my supervisor, they talked only with the director (not everyone else like they said… they left voicemails with everyone else, the director was the one who answered the calls).
Also, it seems they went on a mini rant saying they couldn’t believe a wedding wasn’t excused, la-de-dah. After this, they asked if I was going to be held back there all weekend (against as in sat. sun).
To this, my professor said no. It seems that was all they were looking for.
Miscommunication+twisted words= I’m lying apparently.
I’ll see what this director has to say in person, tomorrow if I can catch him in his office.
MemberYou poor thing 🙁 My goodness…seriously…. excuse them for making a grown a$$ woman explain her actions to them. Some of us get the crap end of the stick on in-laws…… Good luck tomorrow…..
Member@teamajax13: Thanks so much!
I think the ‘lying’ bit has blown over. FH received a 47 part text over dinner tonight. His family will not see reason in this. They said it was FH’s fault and I was not fulfilling my part of their family. They said they are not coming to our wedding.
They’re even mad when Future Mother-In-Law called my mom earlier today and my mother already knew the crap we were going through.
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