Post # 59
OMG, this is appalling…. these people are over the top. Sorry, but good riddance to them….. 47 part text?…. holy hell…..
Fulfilling your part to them?? What about your part to yourself…. I mean would they rather you have no dreams or goals in life and sit on you bum and do nothing… really??? This just blows my mind. And ya know what pops in my mind??….as ludicrous and horrid as they think it is that your missing bros wedding, their answer to punishing you is to NOT come to your wedding??? It is like us getting mad at someone for committing and to show them we are mad, going out and committing that same crime… makes no darn sense….
I think your wedding will be a lot less stressful with them not their. I know it might hurt your feelings, but this is so so so not your fault, at all. You can’t predict or control crazy people. Like I used to tell my mama, crazy folks can have babies, too. So don’t take it personally
And you are so welcome….I’m just so sorry you are having to deal with this…
Post # 60
Me too, one good thing that happened today: Future Sister-In-Law contacted me (i dont think she knows what is going on) about a play she is auditioning for and really wanted my advice. It helped me feel oodles better knowing someone in the family cares about me and wants to talk with me in a good way!
Post # 61
oooo….that is wonderful!!!!! YAY! I bet she would absolutely die if she knew the whole story…. I guess the cat will be out of the bag when Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are a no show for your big day! :O
Post # 62
I know this issue will still continue. IT doesn’t matter that I’ve already showed I’m not lying.
I have no idea how to cut these people out of our lives. I know we don’t live close, but is there any way we can do this respectfully?
I’m struggling with how to do this with my FH, he said if this continues like it has been they will not be a part of our lives at all. Can we cut his parents out without cutting off the rest of his siblings?
Post # 63
Dude, this is one of the craziest stories I’ve heard. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
From what I’m reading (in your past posts as well) this has been going on in some form since your FH decided to move hours away from his parents, right? I have friends who have gone through similiar types of irrational and honestly cruel behaviour with inlaws before the wedding and they hired a mediator. The mediator, unfortunately wasn’t able to get the parents to realise what they were doing, but was able to really get it through the couple’s head that what the parents were doing was completely unacceptable and had consequences. Have you thought (after your FBIL’s wedding) of having an outside person sit down with both of you and your FI’s parents? At the very least, it might make your decisions regarding cutting them out, etc. more clear to you?
Post # 64
This is seriously insane. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Stand your ground!
Post # 65
Yes, you can and you should cut them out of your lives!!! Just make sure that everyone understands that you will have no part in seeing or speaking to them, and that you would appreciate it if they would respect that, and not ask you to be anywhere in the future if they will be there as well.
Continuing to speak to them will only enforce to them that you are willing to put up with this. If it were my in laws, i would chew them out, and then never speak to them again, but that’s just me
Post # 66
@SimplyChic11: STAND YOUR GROUND… MARRY YOUR Fiance AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER… (SORRY FOR THE CAPS)
Post # 67
I can’t get this thread out of my head. I keep coming back to it, and I just have to say how I feel.
These are your FH’s parents you’re talking about. Not some weird friend who is acting all strange or your Bridesmaid or Best Man who is being flaky and calling people behind your back. HIS PARENTS. As mad as you are, as embarrassing as this all is, they are still the people who raised him, fed him, clothed him, housed him, and made him the man you are marrying. For that I think you owe them a bit of respect. If you REALLY wanted to go, you could find a way to go without missing class… renting a car, taking a train, something. Posters are throwing around words like restraining order, crazy, and illegal. These are just parents overstepping their bounds.
If you choose to not go and not skip class, there is nothing you have to write a letter about. Based on this post, you have already made your own calls, on a Sunday no less, to try to get to the bottom of this. A phone call will suffice if you want to apologize to faculty.
I guess I’m posting because I really hope you try to work things out somehow. Regardless of how inappropriate they behave, it’s because they want you to go to a family wedding. I understand that they did it in an inappropriate way, but these people are going to be a part of your life. We all have to figure out a way to merge two families for the sake of our FHs, so please give that a thought.
I’m sorry if the situation is much worse than what I’m reading, or if I’m completely not getting it. I just wish there was a way for you to not cut them off entirely over something so small. Take a step back and look at the big picture here. To them, you’re choosing not to go. How do you think that makes them feel?
Post # 68
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: Yeah, just because a parent clothes you, feeds you, raises you, does not mean they aren’t toxic. It’s really not something so small. The FI’s parents have been harassing them, calling her a liar, telling the Fiance to leave her, and going behind her back to contact her professors, during which it seems they twisted words to get the answer they want. So, if that’s your definition of “so small,” I hate to see what “so big” is.
Post # 69
I don’t want this to be blown up either. 🙁 I have enough drama right now.
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: FH and I are trying everything to NOT cut them out of our lives. If this name calling and bullying does not stop, we have no choice but to cut our own personal communication with these people. If it’s nothing but negative to our relationship, we will certainly have limited contact with them for our own mental health.
@delovelyjenn: I also agree this is not a little thing. This drama has continued for a month or two now and after staying up with my FH for nearly three nights in a row this past week…. we decided it was time to let my parents in on the situation and seek prayer/help from our friends. It was clear this wasn’t going away.
No, I will not get a restraining order, but since they told FH I have NO ‘personal privacy’ when it comes to family matters… you’d better believe I will take every precaution to have my academics and personal life private from their prying nature.
It also makes me sad these parents are flipping out so much at us when it’s their other son getting married. What happened to celebrating with this couple? To his parents apparently it’s worth acting like children to miss out on this experience entirely by constantly berating my fiance. THAT is the sad part to me.
Post # 70
I just busted out my FERPA paperwork here at work. If any of your professors or advisors gave your FIL’s any information about your schoolding – even something as little as verifying your schedule – than they violated FERPA. I would find out exactly what your in-laws learned from their phone calls and:
1) challenge that information. Tell your in-laws what information is protected under FERPA (Race, gender, SSN, Grades, GPA, class schedule, religion, attendance record) and see if they really got the information they say they did. Chances are your professors told them nothing and they have no reason to doubt your reasons for being unable to miss class.
2) if they really did get any information out of your professors, I would challenge your school and question their adherence to FERPA. Their failure to adhere to these federal regulations could result in a hefty fine.
Post # 71
@delovelyjenn: Something big would be the time my cousin snuck out of the house to go to a party, got hammered, and didn’t call anyone to pick her up because she was probably scared of being punished by her strict parents. She was raped at a park three blocks from her house, trying to walk home, and died the next morning in the hospital from internal bleeding. Yeah, that was pretty big.
@SimplyChic11: I understand, and thank you for listening to my opinion without just shooting it down. Your previous posts show a ton of history with your Future In-Laws and I was pointing out that they are a big part of your FH’s life… I hope that somehow this works itself out–truly.
Post # 72
I have dealt with people like this and I am glad they are no longer part of my life. I cannot imagine having not just one but TWO people micromanaging my choices in life. The only person you need “approval” from is your FH. If he is ok with it, that should be enough.
The fact that they aren’t coming to your wedding over this reaffirms my belief that they are used to getting their own way using emotional blackmail. Like a PP said, I think they are toxic people to be around.
You can cut them out of your lives by simply refusing communication with them. But you do have to give your FH’s family a heads up about it so that they are not surprised. They’ll also probably want to know why. Let them know that they don’t have to choose sides, but this is what you are doing and why. (You=you and your FH, not you by yourself)
Post # 73
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: While I’m sorry that happened to your cousin, that is a vastly different situation from above. We’re talking about toxic parents and individuals, not tragic family stories (my brother’s death was also so big, as well as my toxic mother’s continual emotional blackmail & toxicity). If you had any part of a toxic parent situation, you would realize it’s not a “so small” thing. It’s very hurtful. It almost never ends. And I feel by calling it “so small,” you are disregarding the immensely painful situation the OP is in.