- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
This is going to be long…
I have three brothers and I’ve always been really close to them. Two of them are much older than me and were almost like uncles, they took me places, got me the coolest gifts and included me in everything they did. They are married and I get along great with their wives, I’ve babysat their kids and we’ve done family vacations together. We’re close, got the picture? So, when I got engaged, I wanted them, their wives and the kids that were old enough to be in my bridal party. I asked them and they happily accepted.
A few months ago one of my brothers told me on the phone that he was thinking about not bringing his kids to the wedding (two of them were supposed to be RB/FG). I was instantly upset and when he asked me what I thought I just said that he should do whatever he wants with his kids. He hasn’t talked to my parents in a while but he said that wasn’t the reason he wasn’t bringing the kids… yea, ok. We chatted for a few more minutes then ended the conversation and I burst into tears.
The next day, I e-mailed and told him that when he asked my opinion about not bringing the kids I didn’t tell him the truth. Then I calmly and nicely told him how much it would hurt me if they weren’t there, how I wanted his daughter to get to be a Flower Girl (lets face it, girls care more than boys about that stuff) and that we both knew that he was doing this b/c of the fight with my parents. He admitted that I was right about his reasoning and then said that they still might not be there. I asked when he was going to decide because I knew it would cause drama within the family and I wanted to try to manage the drama asap. He said he didn’t care if the drama was now or later (as in on the day of the wedding!). I told him that I’d really like to know soon so that it wouldn’t cause a big fight on the day of the wedding (not to mention the program being wrong). Then he said that the kids weren’t coming to the wedding. This all happened in e-mail.
My birthday was a few weeks later and he ALWAYS calls and sends me a card, this year I got a "happy birthday" txt. I sent my nephew a birthday gift a few weeks after that and got a thank-you e-mail from my SIL.
My shower is in a few weeks and I’m 99% sure they won’t be there b/c it’s at my parents’ house. I’m ok with that but it still sucks.
It hit me the other day that I haven’t talked to him in 3 months. I’m still mad at him, but I also miss him. I don’t think I’m ready to talk to him yet, and I feel like if I call him before the wedding it will be like telling him that I’m ok with his decision and I’m NOT. I’m also afraid that if I call him, he’ll say something about it and I’ll go off on him, making things worse. I also feel like HE should be reaching out to me! I was very calm and avoided saying anything mean when I told him how I felt. I don’t know if he’s mad at me or just avoiding calling me b/c it would be awkward but I feel like he is the jerk here and he should call me.
As a side note, my other brother is also not on good terms with my parents, he and his family are coming to both my shower and the wedding.
I don’t even know if I’m asking for advice here. It’s just that this has been on my mind for months and I needed to write about it. I’ve tried to push it to the back of my mind but I’ve been dreaming about it a lot lately and sometimes it will just hit me and make me sad. I don’t know what to do.