I helped pick my engagement ring but now I have 2nd thoughts

posted 2 months ago in Rings
Post # 16
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

bride2020may :  yes the bees can be harsh, at times. Don’t worry, just take what advice works, and throw out the rest!

you can get Ring enhancers, I believe, if you want a halo-ish look. 

I’ve never seen them in person,  but there are examples on the bee. 

For what it’s worth, I fully understand it would be a bit rough making a choice before you had all the information! But luckily your ring is quite beautiful and adding a wedding or anniversary band with some sparkle might just give it the boost you’re looking for. 


Post # 17
8173 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You haven’t ‘offended’ anybody, sorry, but the fact is no one is that invested in a strangers post.  . The comments  you are probably referring to relate to a kind of commercial attitude to engagement rings seen on these boards . You say ‘have you never made a purchase and then changed your mind’ – yes, of course, we all have and taken it back or exchanged or whatever.

The point is that engagement rings  to many of us are not just ‘ a purchase’. This is not taking offence, merely an observation .


 bride2020may :  

Post # 18
6429 posts
Bee Keeper

bride2020may :  I don’t think anyone is attacking you.  I think you’re having buyer’s remorse but your Fiance asked if you wanted to change and you said no instead of saying what you said.  I had 100% say in my first ering as well but we had both agreed the first ring was only a stand in until we could afford the forever set.  And 3 years in we upgraded to the final set and 3 years I’ve had that set.  But I spoke up and told my husband all my thoughts from the get go. I didn’t sit and wonder about other things and tell him no.  That’s the biggest thing that I noticed, he offeredand you said no.

Post # 19
72 posts
Worker bee

My advice would be to focus on the wedding band. You could add a lot of bling to it with a nice curved band, there are so many great wedding band ideas out there. You could do a nice paved curved band on either side that would really set your ring off. 

Post # 20
746 posts
Busy bee

bride2020may :  Bees post ring “upgrades” on this site All. The. Damn. Time. Some Bees swap between several different wedding bands, based on their “mood” that day. I don’t see anyone tell them they should have been happy with what they originally picked out. You are allowed to change your mind after wearing your ring for a bit. No one posting here has to wear your ring for the rest of your life but you. If an upgrade will make you happy–upgrade. 

Post # 21
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2005 - Greenwood

Your ring is so pretty but I get how you feel! I have literally upgraded my diamond 3 times in 14 years of being married.  I still love my diamond I have now but once I learned about moissanite (from these boards) I went crazy and own 5 moissanite rings, a morganite and peach sapphire too….I had to have different shapes and of course bigger than my diamond at those prices! I bought them all myself too! The engagement ring to some is very sentimental and some wouldn’t even dream of wearing anything else but to me it’s just a ring and I know my husband doesn’t mind which one I wear as long as I have something on my finger! I say if you want the bigger one or even a whole different ring then go for it! We only live once so why not get the ring or rings we love and be happy! Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you keep us posted with whatever decision you make.

Post # 22
2888 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

bride2020may :  Believe me, no one is taking offense because none of us care that much about it lol. Your post specifically asks “What should I do?” and responses have stated what we each individually think you should do. If you want all sunshine and rainbows and every suggestion be “absolutely, tell your SO you want an upgrade on the brand new engagement ring you literally picked out even though you actually already declined an upgrade when it was still in the process of being made” then you have come to the wrong forum 🤷‍♀️ If you are not happy with the ring you picked out, by all means tell your SO you want an upgrade but do not blame him for potentially being upset/hurt by it and pay for the upgrade yourself. 

Post # 24
2707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

 bride2020may :  I guess I don’t see the big deal in changing it out. It’s not like you’re asking for a larger (ultra expensive) diamond! It’s a Moissanite for goodness sake! You wore it a while and decided you want a bigger stone, a 2 carat diamond equivalent weight one.  DSSS (diamond simulant shrinkage syndrome) and DSS (diamond shrinkage syndrome) are common around here! Just because you said no originally to a larger moissy does not mean you are precluded from upgrading the size now!  I would calmly discuss it with him. You’re the one wearing the ring, not him.  If money is that tight then wait for an anniversary/ holiday to make the switch!  Good luck.

Post # 25
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

As you said your stone is slightly off center in the setting (which would drive me to distraction by the way), I think I would take it back to the jeweler to have that remedied. While you’re there, try on a bigger stone and see how you feel. Maybe they’ll allow you to trade up?

As long as your fiancé won’t be hurt by you not having the original stone, I feel that it’s your ring and you should love it. Another possibility is upgrading the setting to one with the hidden details you were referring to. I happen to love these types of settings, and perhaps that would give you the extra bling factor you’re looking for? 

Post # 26
1207 posts
Bumble bee

I suppose I’m the wrong person to ask I don’t beleive in “upgrades” and actually only realised that was a thing when I came on the bee. I think since you chose this ring and your fiancé offered to swap the stone for a bigger one (and you declined) you should learn love your ring as much as you did before you saw “better” rings online. You were 100% happy with it at the time and there will always be something better out there no matter what you bought. Also a lot of what you’re describing are trends and may look dated in ten or so years, I think the classic design you have chosen will age much better. 

Controversial opinion but I personally think upgrading and changing your ring, especially several times, takes away any sentimentality and meaning behind it and reduces it to just a piece of jewellery and a status symbol.

I love my ring because we chose it together and it was the ring my fiancée proposed to me with. I would never dream of changing it for something bigger and better, and I know my fiancée would be really hurt if I wanted to just because we could “afford something better now”. 

Post # 27
468 posts
Helper bee

I think the off center thing is definitely worth having the jewler look at. 

As for upgrades, I think it’s kind of hard to say. I can relate to you in the sense that sometimes I see other rings (especially on here where there are a ton of unique ones) and think “oh wow, I love that!” anf then wonder if that means I made the 100% right choice in my ring. 

I will say, your ring is lovely and looks great on your hand. I would wait until you have a wedding band and see how they look together before making a decision on switching out too much. But if you are 100% set on wanting to change, maybe get it for yourself as an anniversary gift. 

I will caution though, that I do think it runs the risk of “grass is always greener”. There is always something pretty to look at. Sometimes you have to just decide on something and stick with it, and not spend too much time on “what ifs” (I struggle with this too!)

Post # 28
3758 posts
Honey bee

bride2020may :  You loved  the ring when you tried it on and it’s a very good size, not too small, not too big. What is pretty common in my circle is to upgrade after a substantial anniversary. When you’re just starting out, money is tight and this ring was the right price. Lauren B is way overpriced imo. Just go with it and dont worry about the other moissanites out there. There will always be bigger, more beautiful rings than your own, but so what? The same is true for any material item. Try to remember that’s all it is: just a thing. It’s not the relationship itself.

Post # 29
2467 posts
Buzzing bee

I would talk to the jeweler and see what their exchange/upgrade policy is and then decide if you want to pay the extra money.  It’s a beautiful ring, but if you aren’t happy, you aren’t happy.

I picked out my own diamond and setting and while I don’t think I’ll upgrade my stone, I might eventually change my setting, but that was something that even my fiance said was an option when I was designing it since the setting was not very expensive.


Post # 30
37 posts

I think your ring is gorgeous. I have a 10x8mm forever brilliant C&C solitaire. I’ve had a lot of buyers remorse, bc I picked it out by myself and it’s super simple (which I wanted at the time). It wasnt what I thought I’d go for but it was on sale and I bought it impulsively (FH wasn’t upset at all and really likes it.) I’ve worried if it’s too big, but every time I say anything about selling it he makes a fuss and says absolutely not. 

So I’ve decided I’ll keep it and look for bands that will work with it. I bought one, but I really want a stack. I may think about upgrading or changing the setting in a few years. Picture just so you can see what I’m talking about. I am planing to add a sapphire band or accents in the future.


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