(Closed) I hurt my best friend…very long…bless those who bother to read…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Bellagiobride: You werent a bitch, you were harsh though…Im sure it will take her some time to digest all that youve written. Give her space. 

Post # 4
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think it soudned bitchy, but in many parts of the letter, it seems like you have already declared the friendship as over instead of making it sound like you wanted to patch things up.  It’s pretty clear you are trying to make her see some of her ‘wrong’ ways, but if shes a person that cannot accept that (as you stated in the letter), maybe she just needs more time

These lines jumped out at me immediately:

  • I am not being dramatic, but when I think of your treatment of me, I wonder how I ever thought we were as close as we were?
  • And then, the final slap in the face, was you calling the day of my party asking if your ride would be waiting for you.
  • Our friendship is/was important to me, and you reduced our friendship into something that can be dissolved because I was mad at you.
  • I thought we had a genuine freindship, but it seems as if it is superficial.
  • Obviously, I never sent it because I started to think that maybe our friendship didn’t mean as much as I thought, and I couldn’t possible send you a card with words that I was no longer sure about.

Post # 6
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

You really repeated yourself alot , mainly just calling her out for her faults. The way you talk about her indicates she is not, and was never a good friend and is no longer a good friend. I realize you were upset, but I think its because you do so much for people and perhaps don’t get much in return- which sets you up failure with he thinking of:  because I did this_____ you should at least do ______

 

Post # 8
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think before we approach someone we should definatley write letters, its often reccomended in therapy and you can get everythign out and then have a template to build conversation out of! I usually write them and burn them after, so I get some closure, then once Im level headed, I address the person, face to face-keeping in mind the main point I got out of my letter. 

I’m sure your friend will understand you were hurt and you just needed to vent! I think in the end this letter will help your relationship get off to a clean start and much better understanding. give it sometime. I’m sorry and thinking of you during this time of unusure waiting!

Stay strong!

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I’d gotten that letter from someone I thought was one of my best friends I’d be really hurt. You dumped on her a lot, and from reading that letter, she just sounds like a crappy friend. I’d be going, “Omg, does she really think that about me?” and “Omg, am I really like that?” I wouldn’t think they still wanted to be friends after all that.

If she’s a good friend and you want to save this friendship, why don’t you pick up a bottle of wine and go over to her house and say, “Look, girl, we need to talk.”

She might say there’s nothing to talk about and close the door in your face, or you might sit down and talk it out over a couple glasses of wine, hug, and make up. What you do know is that letters and calling her isn’t working.

Post # 11
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee

I would maybe apologize for being a little harsh… When you’re confronting someone who has hurt you, it helps if you use ‘I’ statements like “I felt like _____ when this happened because….” instead of, “You did this and that and are this way” because it automatically puts the other person on the defensive.

I think you should definitely talk to them face-to-face in order to clear up some things.

Post # 12
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bellagiobride: Honestly, if I received a letter like that from a close friend, I’d be very hurt and upset. I’d think that you didn’t appreciate my friendship at all. I’m not sure what your friend is like, but I’d venture a guess that she is not replying to you because she probably doesn’t have anything constructive to say in response. Perhaps she is feeling defensive, and doesn’t want this situation to turn into an argument. Give her some time, and be prepared in the event that she is very hurt by the things you said.

Post # 13
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

can you visit her? Maybe if you sit and talk to her face to face things would lighten up a little? I no how hard it is when you really wanna be honest with someone and when you finally do to set things straight, it just sort of back lashes at you.

 

See if you can somehow meet up with her, itll make things much easier for you!

Post # 14
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That letter was way to long, after the third paragraph I stopped reading cause it was so repetitive. I don’t blame her for not calling you back for the same reasons given by PP.

Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry but if that letter were written to me… I seriously don’t know if I could move past that. You don’t think that was “harsh” errr…. yeah, dear it was really quite harsh indeed.

You might not have meant it like that but it was in nearly every aspect “harsh”.

I think you’re going to have to make peace, accept you did wrong (big time) and so did she (big time). You both owe eachother a huge apology it may or may not come. Because that letter is really quite hurtful.

Your final bit could be: I hope you got my letter, I hope we can talk about it and I hope you know I’m sorry. After that give her space and hope she wants to makeup.

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