I invited an old co-worker to my wedding and she didnt go..

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I can understand your disappointment especially since she told you she was going and then didn’t let you know that she was unable to make it after all.

I think you just have to move her to the former friend group and not bother to attend any of her functions in the future.

Post # 3
Member
13659 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, it’s pretty clear that this friendship has ended.  She ignored your first invitation, and then when you sent another AND emailed her all the info, she probably felt cornered and just said yes.  It sucks when you realize a friendship you thought was strong is actually over, but I think you need to recognize that and stop inviting her to be part of your life.

Post # 4
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Something smilar to this happened to me. I invited my collage friend. At first she said she was going to come. Then 1 month before the wedding she said she was going to a vacation and won’t be in our wedding. That hurt my feelings. I am seriously re evaluating my friendship with her. I have started to ignore her on social media. I really understand you. It hurts.

Post # 7
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

somethingblue222 :  yes we had people not attend our wedding who said they would. One excuse was that they forgot. It’s annoying and hurtful but there is no point on dwelling on it.

Maybe the friendship has faded or maybe she double booked herself and didn’t realise (or felt cornered or didn’t want to let you down). If she reaches out to you then the friendship will continue in its Internet format and if not, it will fade.

Post # 9
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I think curiousity would kill me and even if it was awkward I’d have to know.  I’d just email her and say “hey 🙂 water under the bridge, but curiousity has me wondering, did something come up or were you sick?  Missed you at the wedding and I hope everything was okay.”

 

 

Post # 10
Member
11461 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

sunworshipbride :  I agree. I would have to politely find a way to inspire an answer. I would have to email her to say, “Thanks for your kind words about my wedding picture. I was sad that you and Jessica didn’t end up making it to the wedding. I would loved to have seen you” — in hopes that she may offer a reason for her absence after having RSVPd.

Post # 12
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You shouldn’t feel like a “mean person” for asking why.  She was the person who cost you the head cost of two plates and pulled a no show.  She isn’t just rude, she’s actually cost you money because she couldn’t just be confident in either declining in the first place or providing some reason why she couldn’t show up.

Post # 13
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

A no-show after committing to attend is incredibly inconsiderate.  She knows she didn’t show, she has her reason but didn’t feel it necessary to share with you.  I wouldn’t bother seeking an answer.  Sadly I agree with others that its time to move forward and consider her to only be a former friend.

Post # 14
Member
954 posts
Busy bee

Just let it go.  You said you haven’t seen her in a year.  Texting and keeping up on social media does not constitute a strong friendship.  

 

I wouldn’t have hounded her to reply.  If guests don’t rsvp on time, you give them one chance to reply.  No reply means they aren’t coming.  

Post # 15
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

somethingblue222 :  because after you sent the second invite (assuming the first didn’t actually arrive), you then emailed her and followed up with a text. If she wanted to come she would have responded to your second invite. It’s highly unlikely that you have two invitations get lost in the post and even more unlikely both to the same person. Therefore, you sending her the details repeatedly reads as putting pressure on her when she wasn’t that interested.

I wouldn’t ask her. What good can come of it? Are you honestly going to feel better if she responds that she forgot or that she wasn’t interested to begin with. Or if she says she binge watched reality TV. There’s very few reasons that are going to make you feel better about her missing it (namely things like her having a sick relative or her being sick) but in those situations chances are the person will contact you and apologise and offer their reason without being asked for it. She hasn’t offered an apology or reason and therefore her reason is probably not going to be something that makes you go “oh well, totally get it”.

So let it go and see if she reaches out to you and wants to continue the friendship.

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