(Closed) I just cant believe this just happened.. I never would have thought :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I have not experienced this (no bridal party) but I don’t think you were doing anything wrong.  I totally understand why you are frustrated, and I would be too.  However, as hard as it may be, I think you need to let her walk away from this – these are here issues, not yours, and she is imposing them on you. Hopefully she will come around, but an invitation to the afterparty should be more than enough for her boyfriend.  Good luck – I totally feel for you!

Post # 4
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think you’re wrong- I see what you want for your wedding vision and it’s GREAT that you’re doing a party for people who cannot attend. We are doing the same thing!

It’s just like a no kid’s rule- if you make an exception, anyone with a kid who is at home is going to be fuming. She overreacted and HE (her bf) sounds a little bonkers if he cares that much about attending a wedding of someone he never met. If I were him, I’d say to my gf “oh I wish I could go with you, but you’ll have fun!” and then be excited about the other party. it is NOT right for him to throw a fit.

If I were you, I’d send her an email saying that you care deeply about her and her friendship, but you have specific wedding plans / guest list / restrictions for a reason. Reminder her of the other guests whose +1’s are not invited or coming, and say that you are VERY happy for her with ____,  you look forward to getting to know him, and remind her that him not being invited is not a reflection on him or  your feelings about him. And then re-welcome her to participate and say you’d love to have them BOTH at the larger party. That’s all you can do- be mature and give her a chance to be as well.

Post # 5
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

You haven’t even met the dude? And it’s a family and closecloseclose friends affair? Yeah, she’s tripping. I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all.

Post # 6
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I havent experienced that.. but my Bridesmaid or Best Man dropped out a week before my wedding bc she couldnt find a brown dress anywhere and she claimed she didnt have the money for one… except she gave me 50 dollars for a wedding gift and that would have bought her an amazing brown dress.

I think it is weird that youre not letting +1 to your wedding but you are allowing +1 after dinner? You let her know and everyone else in your wedding party know that +1 isnt allowed, so SHE is being disrespectful. Talk about a bridesmaidzilla!!!

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

it sounds like he’s pretty controlling if he doesn’t want her to be alone for a few hours during a wedding. i feel like she (and he) is being disrespectful to think that you should go so out of your way for someone who obviously is not important to you when you’re having such an intimate wedding. there’s no reason he needs to be invited, you haven’t even met him, i’m sure there’s tons of people a lot closer to you that you aren’t able to invite due to the small guest list that come way before him. (i have a small guest list too, i understand!) i would try to talk to your friend again and try to explain the situation one more time. it sounds like she’s pretty much just listening to everything he says right now, but it couldn’t hurt to try, and it would be sad not to have your good friend at your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this! You definitely didn’t do anything wrong, especially since no one else was allowed to have +1s either. I’d definitely send her an email just to tell her that you care a lot about her and explaining your reasoning for not inviting him (even if you’ve said it before, I’d explain it one last time) and emphasize that it’s not JUST HIM who isn’t invited. Beyond that, there’s not much else you can do – it’s up to her to grow up and accept that sometimes she can’t get everything she wants!

Post # 9
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you’ve explained your situation to her very clearly. My fiance would love to get an invite to dancing only! haha! These are obviously her issues. Try not to let her negative attitude ruin the excitement of your wedding! Good luck 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

kjpugs gave great advice above that I can’t improve on. Just thought I would chime in to say that I’m sorry that this is happening to you, and I don’t think you’re being disrespectful at all. I hope she comes around and doesn’t throw away your friendship over this.

Post # 11
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That is such a shock. A friend of 7 years should know better than that.  I’m sorry you’re going through this.  It is really frustrating. 

I don’t think you are wrong.  Your friend knew your situation from the beginning.  She even said two months ago that she didn’t expect him to be invited.  

This guy is really brain washing her. He tells her something and she does what he says.  She was fine with him not going, until he got upset about it.  She was fine with paying for his plate, until he didn’t think that was right.  He probably fed all those ideas in her head of you being disrespectful and that she shouldn’t be in your wedding.  

Honestly, it’s probably better at this point, that she not be in it because he’s just going to keep coming up with more problems.  But, I would be concerned for your friend, this guy isn’t good for her.  He’s too controlling! It’s only been three months and he’s got her breaking up a 7 year friendship.  

Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um, her boyfriend didn’t want her to be at your wedding “unsupervised”?! Control issues, much?

I like kjpugs‘s suggestion. All you can do is to be the bigger person and see if she’ll come around. It does seem like a shame to throw away a 7-year friendship for a guy she’s only known for a few months.

Post # 14
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yep, I am with Charm Braclet… Your friend is in deep with a super controlling guy.

Well, I get what youre doing now. This is totally not cool for her to be doing this now, but it sounds like she is really not in thinking things through… and what does her Boyfriend or Best Friend even think she is going to DO at a wedding of your family???

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