(Closed) I just can’t decide – maybe you can.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wanting to have a fun time in the holidays doesn’t make you a bad daughter. Supporting someone is hard work and takes a lot mentally and I totally understand you would find it hard having to do that during the holidays when you want to be enjoying your first married holiday.

Maybe plan a trip together? You said if you stay home you’ll end up not doing much. If you were somewhere new and different there would be plenty to do and see, it’d be hard just to stay in your room! You could also tell family where you are going and say they are welcome to join. Sounds like maybe some of your family could use a holiday after losing someone. Sometimes a change of scenery is a good thing.

Hope you figure it out 🙂

Post # 4
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I was going to  suggest something similar to @finlandfairy. Can you two take a trip? Maybe just have the two of you, or maybe try to plan around the other’s. I don’t know if there’s anywhere to go around where your mother lives. Maybe you could go up and visit your immediate family for a few days and then go somewhere else just the two of you?Or do you have any close friends that you could celebrate with or visit for new years?

Regardless of what you do, you can’t feel bad about what your family members decide. If your mother is unable right now to properly celebrate, don’t let that make you feel guilty.

Post # 5
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe you need to just plan something for the two of you this year and let your mother be. My grandfather hates holidays since my grandmother dies almost 10 year ago and the first one was the absolute worst. He stays home  only accepts visitors for about an hour. He’s happy when someone brings him a plate of food for the next day. He and my grandmother hosted everyone for as long as I can remember but this is just how it is now. I’m not saying your mom will always want to be alone but giving her the first holiday to do as she pleases and take it from there.

Post # 6
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Maybe it is just too hard to try to coordinate a family holiday this year. In the past I have had the same problem. I found community to be part of instead. You could join a holiday cookie swap, find a caroling event, or attend a toys for tots fundraiser. You could suggest the same for your mom so she won’t feel so alone.

Post # 8
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t have any helpful suggestions, but I’d be interested to know a little more about Yule. I haven’t heard of it before and I think different religious/cultural holidays are really interesting 🙂

Post # 10
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Could you structure the international trip so that you could still do the big party and honor your mom’s father…. but also intertwine some fun in that trip?  Are there any touristy parts of the country you could explore/visit?

I can understand wanting to establish new traditions with your husband this year (I’m in the same boat) but I also don’t think year 1 has to set the precedent for all years to come.

The most important thing is clear – you don’t want to be alone without your extended family and you’d like to involve your mom…. if the only thing your mom is willing to do is take the out of country trip, then perhaps you need to do that this year.  If not, you need to put aside the guilt of leaving her alone and work on plan b… 

Maybe figuring out what you don’t want to do will help you figure out what you do want to do… I get seriously indecisive about things, so I understand what you mean!

The topic ‘I just can’t decide – maybe you can.’ is closed to new replies.

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