(Closed) I just can't decide on changing my name

posted 9 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 17
Member
1223 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had a difficult time with this as well.  I went into the social security office ready to take my last name as my 2nd middle name, but apparently it was too long to do that. I had to make a snap decision and decided to keep my orginal middle name with his last name.  I had (am having) a hard time with it though!  My husband really wanted me to take his last name, so it was important that I took it.

Post # 18
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I kind of feel the same way even though I was married before and still have my married name. I kept it after the divorce because 1) I’ve had it as long as I had my maiden name 2) it was easier just to keep it 3) I don’t mind it 4) would be costly to go and change my passport when I was about to go on a vacation right after the divorce

I’m looking forward to taking my new last name, but I get where you come from with a name you’ve had for a long time! 🙂

Post # 19
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@messymonkey:  You could legally go w. his name, but professionally go with yours… but that might get confusing.

I’d probably just keep yours, to be honest. I’m in my late 20s and will probably take my hubby’s name, but that’s because I am estranged from my father so don’t want his name, and am not famous or published, so I am not attached to my maiden name in any way.

You have good reasons to keep your name I think. Especially since you seem attached to it!

Post # 20
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m struggling a little with the name change as well. Socially, there’s no question I wanted to be Mrs. “his” but professionally I’m think it necessary to keep my maiden name. I have to check the laws in my profession.

Post # 21
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

Fi and I have discussed hyphenating our names … and our children will probably have hyphenated last names. But I think I’m going to keep my name. His is …. long and mine is 4 letters ….. =P It’s also important to me, it’s a part of who I am – my heritage, my individuality, and I don’t feel a need to take his name. 

Post # 22
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I am having a hard time with this as well.  I am a 30 something year old physician with 28 years olf diplomas/schooling/degrees/publications/certifications in my own name.  Am I supposed to get all that changed???

Post # 23
Bee
5113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

If you’re not sure about changing it, there’s really nothing that says you have to change your name right when you get married. I say keep your name for now, and if at some point in the future you change your mind and want to hyphenate or take his name, there is nothing stopping you!

Post # 24
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@CoralReef123:  

My business partner changed her name on her professional license but not on her diplomas. You (the maiden) earned those under that name. They should remain in that name (IMO).

Post # 25
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel the same way and have decided, at least for now, NOT to change my name. I am who I am, there’s nothing wrong with my name or in my decision to honor my roots by retaining the name I was born with. Why should I be expected to become someone new just because I got married? In my opinion the concept is antiquated though some people still romanticize it.

Now, if we are blessed with children I *MAY* hyphenate but only because I think it gets confusing when children have different names than their parents. Still – we both have long names (10 letters in EACH of our last names) and I can’t imagine having such a long signature. No one can pronounce his italian last name either – it always gets butchered – in a major way.

My fiance’ is not happy about this but when I suggested he change his last name he laughed at the idea as being preposterous. Now, isnt that a double standard???

If you are unsure, I say wait. You can always change it ANY TIME after you get married but may regret taking the name if you decide to do so prematurely.

 

Post # 26
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s such a personal thing for everyone, and only you can make that decision. Personally, I knew I would change my name when we got married, and I was comfortable with that decision because I also decided to not drop any of my names (so now I’m First Middle Maiden HisLast). Professionally, though, I go by First Maiden HisLast, simply because my maiden is awesome and pretty unique, and I’m already sort of well established in my career.

This didn’t make it easier when the time to change it actually came (about three months after the wedding, because I had a long overseas business trip already planned right after the wedding). I have to admit that I cried a little when I got my new SS card in the mail, with all four of my names. I’ve gotten the bank, credit cards, everything (even AAA!) changed, and it’s still a little jarring to see the new name. I don’t feel any less “me,” though, and I actually love having my husband’s name (and so does he). I just know it’s going to take some time getting used to it.

Regardless, as long as you are happy with YOUR decision – that’s all that matters! Good luck 🙂

Post # 27
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee

You have a lot to consider, but the thing that helped me was envisioning walking out of the local Security office and feeling happy and content with my decision. There are a lot of reasons to change or not, but I ultimately felt happiest about keeping my middle name and adding his last name. When I correspond with those who knew me professionally under my maiden name I just note my former name and it’s no big deal. I’m sure that depends some on your field though! Good luck! : )

Post # 28
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My friend’s husband hyphenated his name with hers… I thought that was pretty cool. He is in his mid-late 30s with a successful career as a director in TV land, has a little guy from a previous marriage. My friend is about 10 years younger than her husband and has a very successful career in the industry as well. I was so surprised but I love that he did that!

I’m not taking my fiance’s name, partly because I’ve built my career, website etc around my name (I’m 34), partly because I’ve had my name for my whole life and would be sad to see it go (I’m one of 3 girls, 2 of us will have kept our last name), and partly because (on a bad day) I can’t stand my finace’s family and don’t want to take his father’s family name. That sounds bad, I know. But it’s the truth!

Our future kids will take my fiance’s family name, though. I’m not big on hyphens and our names sound a bit ridiculous together!

Post # 29
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you should wait and see if you feel like changing it later. Even if you keep your name, lots of people are going to refer to you as Mrs. Husband’sLast. You’ll probably realize that you really, really hate being called that or you’ll get used to it and changing won’t be a big deal. There’s no need to rush a decision.

Post # 30
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am keeping mine.   After long thought about it, i decided i just can’t change my last name. 

 

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