(Closed) I just can’t get past it. IN-Law Depression

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Good Lord, your in-laws sound ridiculous!  I can’t even fathom parents being like that (my parents are always giving me money and/or paying bills when I need a little extra help).  What does your FH have to say about his parents and their behavior?

Post # 6
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This sounds horrible.  My future in-laws seem like saints.  I can’t imagine having grown adults ask me and my Fiance for money.  Kudos to you that you were kind enough to borrow them money once.

I guess the one positive thing you can take from this is knowing that your spending habits are better? (At least that is what it sounds like…)

Maybe you would feel awkward doing this, but have you or your husband ever talked to them about their spendig habits?  Maybe you could teach them a thing or two about budgeting?

Post # 8
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this; you’re so right – a homemade card is free and would have meant SO much to the two of you.  Money issues aside, you obviously feel as though they did not take any time whatsoever to acknowledge your wedding and the beginning of your marriage, which is not okay.  🙁

As for the financial side of things, I totally feel you.  My FI’s parents have been absolutely AWFUL w/their money in the past (they do not communicate w/each about $ at all, his father has declared bankruptcy, etc.) and we’re petrified that once we’re both done with school we will be hit up for cash.  They are not the only ones in the family that do this.

Here’s our game plan that I thought I’d share with you: if his parents (or other family members) come to us with a request for money and WE (as a couple b/c it’s both of your money now) determine we will give them the money, we’re going to request the physical paper bill, write the check, and send it in ourselves.  If they say, “Oh, we need groceries,” we’re going to get in the car and take them to get groceries.  None of this just forking over cash business.  As far as whether or not it’s considered a loan or a gift, that will be determined by my Fiance and I as well.

Honestly, I’d be concerned that your hubby is saying they’ll never change.  That may be true, but you guys do not need to be the ones to enable their bad financial habits.  You sound like a young couple who is starting out who needs to get your feet firmly established financially – and you cannot do that carrying his parents on your back.

Post # 10
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with qui40067 – be very firm from now on.  Only lend them money if they have a specific bill or need (groceries, item.  Sounds like they’re pretty selfish and don’t appreciate the needs of others. 

What about helping them get a financial advisor or someone who can sit down with them and make a budget?  This could be a gift or a “voluntold” type thing.

Do they ask their other son for money?  Would it be different if they lived far away or close to you?

Post # 12
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Honestly the issue started when you lent them money the first time. Once they get it once, they will always ask. It sucks that his brother is doing it too! I will never understand that, I could never make myself ask someone for money, maybe I have too much pride. But yes, please keep your wallet closed, don’t even take them grocery shopping. If they are indeed adults then they can learn to save like them. What would they have done if they didn’t have children?! Why do some parents think their kids are ATMs?

Post # 13
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

you have to put your foot down and not “lend” them anymore money ever unless its a real emergency, because technically you are funding their bad money decisions by always giving them what they want

Post # 14
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, I wouldn’t give them money anymore. They’re adults, they clearly can’t handle money and they need to learn to grow up sometime. You’re enabling them. Stop it.

Post # 16
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@nannettenicole:

Well, too bad for them, if they didn’t like your wedding!!!  I LOVED your flowers that you made into bouquets,-in fact when I first saw them, I thought they were real!!!  And I think it is sooo fun that people enjoyed your poppers and used them as further table decor!! 🙂   Don’t listen to your IN-Laws and definitely DON’T let them “borrow” any more money.  You rock!!!  (And I could totally be your mom) 🙂

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