I just discovered my fiance cheated about 2 years ago

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Honestly I just don’t know if I could get past that. How long had you been dating when he hooked up 2 years ago? Was it a brand new relationship? Had you been together for awhile?

Unless it was a VERY new relationship when he cheated, I would always question if he is still cheating or if he has since. Also, why does he still have those on his computer anyways? Does he watch them now? That would bother me too. 

Also – a lot of times people who cheat themselves act jealous towards their significant other. If you’re saying he’s still acting super jealous that would be a huge red flag for me. 

Editing to add:: What if these women didn’t even know they were being taped or photographed? That is so creepy to me! Sorry OP….The more I think about this the more my bad bad feeling grows. 🙁

Post # 3
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I would not be able to move past that. But you should tell him you know it has happened and or maybe just say I know you have been cheating. He might blurt out he still is. Who knows. But I think it odd when men keep a little black book with photos of their escapades as well. 

Post # 4
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This isn’t a vent. This a serious, halt-the-planning issue. 

How long were you together then? Was it exclusive?

Talk to him. I don’t know how you can move past this if you were in a serious relationship. 

Post # 5
Member
11956 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Were you two in an exclusive relationship at the time? Were things between you good or very rocky?  How long had you been together? 

There is no way to unsee this. IMO you need to show him what you found and make some big decisions. 

Post # 6
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

First, I’m so sorry. I know how bad of a “gut punch” this is. This happened to me with my ex. Once I found evidence of cheating at least 1 time, I kept digging and found lots more. And like you, I went allllll the way back to our texts on those days and sure enough he told me he was at a work happy hour. He sure did go to a lot of work happy hours…..

I confronted him and pretty much told him he was a scumbag and to never speak to me again. 

Your situation is much more difficult because you’re engaged and have a wedding in 7months 🙁 

Honestly, you have to do what your gut tells you to do. If you think you can’t get past this then you have to have the courage to walk away (which I think you should. You deserve more than this BS) 

I met my now Fiance a year after I dumped my ex. We were engaged 13 months after that and I am thankful for what happened in my past now. He’s more amazing than any other man I’ve ever known. Good luck to you bee! Stay strong and do what is right for you

Post # 7
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

ceeworldlourdes :  what it feels like you want to do is bury your head in the sand. I get it, your world has been turned upside down.

However, you need to talk to him. See what he says about this. You need to halt the planning and work out of you can trust your partner again and if you move past this. That’s only a decision you can make. It’s ok to take some time on that. If you can’t move past this, don’t marry him because it will ruin your marriage.

I’m sorry you’re hurting now but try to think long term rather than just about your wedding and how happy you were.

Post # 8
Member
2199 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

ceeworldlourdes :  I have to say, it would depend a bit on how long you’d been together, and if you were “exclusive” at the time. I bumped into some photos on FIs photo reel that made it clear there was a much shorter gap than I had been led to believe between when things finally ended with the girl he was seeing before me. He didn’t lie as such, but he definitely implied a more substantial amount of time had passed.

I confronted him. We sorted it out. I trust him. 

However, if he’d gotten up to anything once we were an explicitly exclusive couple, I’d walk. No matter what. Your Fiance lied to you, straight up. That would present a real issue for me. 

Personally, being with someone who cheated once, and travels frequently (seems like he does from what you said) would make me INSANE. I’d be constantly questioning what he was doing while he was away. It eats at you, not trusting your partner. You’ll both be miserable.

Ultimately, you have to decide how betrayed you feel and if you think you can trust him again. If you think you can get past this, I HIGHLY recommend going to couple’s therapy in order to help sort through the feelings and move toward healing. 

 

Post # 9
Member
6333 posts
Bee Keeper

Err do these women even know they were being filmed? That is beyond creepy. Obviously the cheating is an issue, and I’d assume that perhaps you’ve just hit the tip of the iceberg with his infidelity…

Post # 11
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

ceeworldlourdes :  A year? Yeah. I’d be out. 

Also, did you watch them? Did it seem like the girls knew it was being recorded? Because if not that seriously is so creepy to me it’s making my skin crawl. 

Post # 12
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

ceeworldlourdes :  there are guys out there that will expect YOU to be exclusive but not necessarily them. Might be the case with the jerk. 

Post # 14
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am so sorry that this happened to you! Personally, cheating is a deal breaker for me. Once my trust is broken it’s not going to get put back together. I am the kind of person who will constantly be wondering what he’s doing and who is he with and I cannot live my life that way. I think you should confront him when he returns and see what he has to say for himself. If he wants to put in the work to repair your relationship and you feel it can be saved then that could be the direction to take or you can cancel the wedding, pack your shit [or his] and leave before he gets home.

Post # 15
Member
3349 posts
Sugar bee

It will be so much easier to get out of this engagement and wedding than it will be to get a divorce years later. 

Also, be prepared for the following:

How DARE you invade my privacy!!!!!!! Maybe we SHOULDN”T get married, then!” (Whatever. You are not at fault here.)

It was YEARS ago – I haven’t done anything like this since!  (How do you know. And it’s just gross.)

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