I just discovered my fiance cheated about 2 years ago

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
9671 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Also,

These are just the ones he RECORDED. 100% for certain there have been lots of other times that weren’t recorded. Possibly even multiple times with the same women (I imagine most women wouldn’t allow some random hook up they just met to record them until they felt comfortable). 

He could have cheated on you as recently as last week, there just isn’t a tape of it so you don’t know.

Post # 32
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Good for you for leaving him. He is a lying Ahole who doesn’t deserve you.

Make sure to get yourself checked by a doctor for std’s.  I wouldn’t trust him to have taken precautions to protect you as he was cheating.

Post # 33
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

You’re a very strong person, bee. I applaud you.

Post # 34
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Geez. Good for you, OP, for deciding to leave. My immediate thought is that I can’t imagine agreeing to record a sex tape with someone I just met / a one night stand…which leads me to believe that they either didn’t know about it or it wasn’t a one-time-only deal – either way he’s a huge creep. Stay strong and good luck!

Post # 35
Member
11866 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I suggest you take these to the cops. You don’t know what he’s doing with them, but even recording someone without their consent when they have an expectation of privacy is a crime in many states.

not a lawyer and don’t play one on Internet, but pretty sure this is not something that should be ignored. 

Im so sorry you are going through this, what a POS. You deserve better, I’m glad you’re sticking up for yourself and getting away from him.

Post # 36
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

ceeworldlourdes :  Step #1: Get an STD test. Seriously. You’ve just found one instance. I guarantee there are more. You need to get yourself tested ASAP. 

Step #2: Continue making your preparations to leave. Honestly, if it were me, I’d be gone before the cheating scumbag even got back. That way there would be no chance in me wavering under whatever bullshit lies he chooses to tell to try and justify his actions because my stuff would already be gone. 

Step #3: Cancel the wedding. 

You deserve better than this dirt bag. 

Post # 37
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

If I were you, I’d RUN not walk. He’s an asshole to do that to you. 

I’ve been there with my ex husband, it’s something I couldn’t get past. (luckily there were no vidoes that I know of, only emails as proof.)

Post # 38
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

slomotion :  good point. There is no way on this planet that every woman he has slept with (besides OP) agreed to be recorded.

Post # 39
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m so sorry, bee. Seeing video evidence is horrible!

I agree with everyone else that you should cancel the wedding, and I’m glad that you’re making the steps to leave. I’d pack up my stuff and be gone before he got there. It would make me sick to have to be in the same house with him. And I LOVE the idea of the video on loop for him for when he arrives home. I wouldn’t take his calls, either. I’d just be done, gone and never speak to him again.

As far as cancelling the wedding, is there someone who can help you with these things? Your mom or bridesmaids?

Big hugs to you! This is just an awful thing to have your world turned upside down like this out of nowhere.

Post # 40
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

LEAVE HIM!!!!!

Also, why is he keeping videos of women he’s slept with from years ago?

So creepy…

Leave him…

Post # 41
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

Why does it happen so often (relatively often at least) than men record their cheating?  And that it seems to be unbeknownst to the women he cheats with?

Post # 42
Member
3347 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

ceeworldlourdes :  Do you have a close friend or family member you talk to for now? 

Post # 43
Member
4570 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ugh. I am so sorry.

As someone who was cheated on in the past I would suggest this is merely the tip of the iceberg. Sit him down and have a frank discussion. If he comes clean and doesn’t try to gaslight you MAYBE there is some hope with therapy and transparency for the future. If not, then cut your losses and run fast.

But, either way I would 100% be putting any planning on the backburner. 

Post # 44
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think you need to open up to your family and friends about this so they can support you in leaving. 

Don’t let the hype around the perfect wedding make you stay in something that will be an awful marriage.

Post # 45
Member
621 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I’m sorry 🙁

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