I just discovered my fiance cheated about 2 years ago

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
6397 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

My Darling Husband travels a lot for work, and if I ever even suspected something like this had happened, I’d be a basket case everytime he left. You will feel that way if you stay. You are “lucky” in the sense that you have evidence while so many people who are cheated on do not. If I were you, I’d try to have my finances separated from his and my things moved out before he ever got home. If he contacts you asking why, send him a still photo from the evidence images you have on your phone and then never speak with him again.

Post # 47
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so sorry bee 🙁 You need to ditch this guy, the dream wedding is worth nothing if you’re married to an unfaithful pig. The fact that he filmed them and it isn’t clear whether they consented to that or not makes me uncomfortable, and I always think that keeping explicit videos/photos of past girlfriends or lovers is weird. IMO just watching those videos and looking at those photos is cheating (to me it is different to porn, because he isn’t watching himself with another girl). 

Please open up to your friends and family for some real-world support. If he’s away you have time to get your legal affairs in order (do you own or rent? Whose name is on the deed or rental agreement?). Either move his things to storage and change the locks, or move your things out and stay with someone until you can get your own place. 

Good luck!

Post # 48
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - NOLA

I am so sorry for what you are going through! 🙁 this is not something I think I’d be able to get past. I wouldn’t be able to trust him again. Why does he have all these recordings to begin with?! Regardless of that, I would always be worried he would do something else like this. You deserve better. I know, easier said than done. I hope you feel better soon.

Post # 49
Member
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Good for you for leaving him. Stay strong. 

Post # 50
Member
758 posts
Busy bee

Do not forget to snoop a little more to ensure he doesn’t have a video of you that you were unaware of. 

It is hard to say what I would do in that situation,  but what I would hope I would do,  is leave before he gets back and ghost him. 

He doesn’t deserve an explanation. 

Post # 51
Member
11945 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’m glad you are leaving him. The time he got into the huge fight with you for not wanting to be videotaped was a real red flag in more ways than one. You will have dodged a real bullet. 

Post # 52
Member
6433 posts
Bee Keeper

On top of leaving, I would also get tested to make sure you don’t have anything.  Who knows if he was even using protection with these ladies.

Post # 53
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ceeworldlourdes :  

Wait.  What?!  He wanted you to make a sex video, you declined and that sets off a ‘big fight’?  He got really angry because you don’t want to make sex vids with him?  Ummmm, this is not the behavior of a man who loves you.  He has an agenda.

Add the incident with him trying to pressure you into making a sex video on top of everything else he’s done.  Nice, huh?  Just puts the icing right on top.

If your daughter, sister, or best friend were telling you the same story, you’d be jumping up and down telling them to get out.

I’m happy that you can see the need to do just that.  Just a caveat–this guy’s a sleaze.  Who know’s what *else* he’s done?  Just be sure you’re braced for impact, Bee.

Post # 54
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

If I were you, I would be asking him about it. Loud and scary. It might be said I had no right to pry, or look or ask, but I would cease to care until I got some straight answers. And not something where he twists the situation around to make me the bad guy. 

It stinks it just stinks. 

Post # 55
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2017

do not marry this person, this is why the divorce statistics are so high…..

if he cheated then he will cheat again. 

Post # 56
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

as bad as cheating can be, it’s not the cheating part that worries me so much on this. What is bothering me the most is that you say he’s wanted to make movies with you, but fights with you when you say no? if he can’t respect your decision to do or not do such a thing, that’s a big warning flag!

As for the cheating, are you sure you were both clear on whether or not you were to be exclusive at the time? it may have been discussed, but did you both agree and make expectations clear?

if it was me, I’d take a step back and take a good look on the whole big picture. Is he trying to presure you into videos or things you just don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with? I don’t think I’d want to marry someone like that!

Post # 57
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

sassy411 :  I agree with you! what scared me is the idea that he won’t accept her doing or not doing what she’s comfortable with!

Post # 58
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Your situation is tricky and extremely unfortunate – let’s just get that out there… But major brownie points for you to be strong and come to a forum to talk it through with other women and share your story.

Cheating is awful and it is even worse that you found out on your own… IMO it is a HUGE red flag that you found out through the icloud account and not him confessing to you or him acting extremely differently to cause you to ask what was up… That goes to show how extremely sneaky and snakey he is. You don’t want to be with someone who is that good at lying.

Take yourself out of the wedding planning phase. Would you break up with him if you found this out while you were just dating? Probably. I’d be bold and beautiful and tell him goodbye. I don’t think there is anything to discuss.

Post # 59
Member
623 posts
Busy bee

Whoa… I wrote a reply and then read all the comments. I understand the situation better now and totally retract my initial reply!

All I have to say is.. do not send the videos out to people as one person said on here. I really hope that was a joke.

 

I am so so sorry this has happened. 

Post # 60
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - SLS Las Vegas

ceeworldlourdes :  Bee I went through this eaxcat same thing 5 years ago! I was in the middle of planning our Hawaiian wedding with a dream dress, dream venue etc…. He was in surgery for a ruptured appendix and I was sitting next to his mom as naked pictures of girls text messages started coming in.

After digging deeper i found him on a bunch of dating sites. We worked through it, went to therapy, and I thought moved past it! Guess what happened 6 months later? I found out it happened again. While I was in it I felt like my world was ending. I couldn’t eat and I felt like I couldn’t breathe! But I promise it does get better! I have a whole post on here about it!

You need to have a very serious discussion with your fiance before you marry him. 

Also if you ever need to chat I am here and would love to help anyway I can. Even if you just need to vent!

Now go light some candles and bring a bottle of champagne to the bathtub and drink the whole thing!!!

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