(Closed) I just don't get it!

posted 6 years ago in Beehive
Post # 76
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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lovinmylife:  oh,is that how you would do it if you were a single mother to a “football team”, because it’s so easy for single moms. Lol.

Your lack of understanding of reality is troubling.

Post # 77
7365 posts
Busy Beekeeper

And this affects your life how exactly?

Post # 78
95 posts
Worker bee

Well, I have a friend who is a mom. She’s back with her “baby-daddy”. He has a good job complete with insurance, full coverage for wife and kids if he ever got married. They’re very on and off. He says he “doesn’t believe” in marriage. So I ask her, then what’s the big deal if he just marries you so HIS CHILD can get health insurance? IDK, some instances – and it depends on the people and circumstances – I think it would be the right move. Not for a lot but for a few.

Post # 79
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I can say that, while we were planning to get married anyways, the wedding couldn’t come at a better time. My work insurance was taken away, so I am thrilled to get on his (would’ve switched anyways, as his is better). It’s one of the benefits (along with love, taxes, kids, sex, etc) that comes with marriage. For what it’s worth, I know people who were engaged within anywhere from a few weeks to a few months of meeting and they are all happily married years later. We don’t get to decide timelines for anyone other than ourselves. 

And yes, one day we were dating and the next day we were engaged. 

If you don’t believe in the marriage, then politely decline. 

Post # 80
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

You sure as hell don’t seem like you are “lovin” your life….

Post # 81
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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lovinmylife:  Let me start by saying that I don’t want to be confrontational, I am just giving my thoughts on your post.

Love is a part of why people get married, but marriage is in essence a business contract. You are legally binding yourself to a person to partner in the business of life. Sometimes that includes the fun things, like the lovey dovey stuff, but not always. Love is important (to me) as a requirement for marriage, but as many PP have stated, this is a recent phenomenon and given recent divorce rates, it is likely that we need to go back to recognizing that romantic love alone is not determining factor in a relationship’s likelihood for success. Most importantly, you said..

“My friend tells me that she is getting married because her and her damn football team need coverage.”

This isn’t friendship. This is contempt. It sounds like in your heart, you keep this girl around to have someone to feel superior to. Disagreeing with a person’s decisions does not necessarily mean that you feel negatively towards that person, but how you express that disagreement can be very telling. 

If if you disagree with most of us, that’s your right. I will give you an easy thing to consider doing. If you think that your post comes off as caring about this girl and her children, show her what you have written here and admit that it was you writing about her. 

Post # 83
70 posts
Worker bee

you frankly sound like an awful friend, and like you don’t care about this girl at all. Marriage isn’t all about love, love comes and goes. The key to a succesful marriage is priorities and a partnership. My parents had an arranged marriage, and only met about a week before their wedding because my father was in the usa and my mom was in london. They were a good match because they had similar education, similar backrounds and were raised in the same type of families. They have been married for 25 years. Marriage was never all about love, this is a modern notion, and doesn’t necessarily impact the success of a marriage. People who only marry for love without thinking of true compatability are more likely to get a divorce or split up over time. You’re behaving very rudely towards your friend and need to realize that it’s none of your buiness. 

Post # 84
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Cherry Orchard

OP–I really hope you’re trolling, but i think you can clearly see that this isn’t going well for you. This sounds very immature and judgemental. Maybe take a step back and look at what you’ve written aobut your “friend”.

Post # 85
1166 posts
Bumble bee

You say “why doesn’t she get a job and get health insurance for her damn football team.” I suggest you take a look at how much private insurance costs for an adult and 5 kids AND then look at how much daycare costs for those 5 kids! It is not cheap by any means! Here in VA, the minimum age for being home alone is 12. I don’t know the ages of her kids but I don’t know if I could trust a child to care for siblings all day while I was at work. 

I became a stay at home mom to my two kids because even though I was working full time at a decent job, my paycheck was being spent almost entirely on daycare – and that was the cheapest daycare in our area. Things were going ok until my husband lost his job because of closing down. We lost pay and healthcare. The boys could get medicaid but my husband made too much money on unemployment (a freaking joke) for us to get it. We went through the healthcare act. Luckily, he got a job with benefits 4 months later. But here was the kicker when we did our taxes, we had to payback our premium for the healthcare act. So we ended up owing for federal and state.

If your friend married for health insurance reasons. Good for her! I hope it all works out for her….because being a single Mom is hard. (Kudos to you guys out there) I see it first hand with several friends. And honestly,  I don’t know how they do it! 

Post # 86
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I know a woman who married her friend for insurance. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and was uninsured. Being a great friend, he took her to the court house and they got hitched. They had never dated or were sexually intimate in any way. His insurance (he was in the military) covered everything she needed. After her treatments were all done and she was in remission, they filed for divorce.

I also know a lesbian and a gay man who married each other so they wouldn’t be kicked out of the military (back in the day).

Marriage is a business agreement to many people. 

Post # 87
953 posts
Busy bee

Um ok. Why do you keep calling her your friend? Or is it a one sided friendship where she’s nice to you and your an ogre to her?

If my “friend” ever referred to my children as a foot ball team I’d back hand her.

I didn’t get past the third page with all your word vomit.  She is in fact dating this guy and you have zero say on how soon they decide to get married or for whatever reasons. 

Yes I damned well would marry for insurance for my “football team”. . You go live in your fantasy world where everything has heart clouds and rose scented bubbles.  This is called real life,  not pretty princess dress up day. 

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